“You don’t know what pain can do to people … pain that goes on and on and can only grow worse. I’ve seen it happen. At first she did not want the opium pills at all and then she took them and was constantly asking for more.”
Oh yes, Chantel saved me. I shall never forget how valiantly she did battle for me at the inquest. She looked lovely, yet so discreet in her black nurse’s cloak and her green eyes and reddish hair so strikingly attractive. She had more than beauty; she had that power to win confidence and I could see that she carried everyone in the court along with her, as she had in the Queen’s House. She gave her evidence clearly and composedly. It was true that Aunt Charlotte had been unable to walk across the room in ordinary circumstances. But she had seen her achieve the seemingly impossible and not only Aunt Charlotte but another patient she remembered had done the same. She would explain. A piece of furniture had been put into Miss Brett’s room; it was a piece which her niece wanted her to buy and although Miss Brett was so crippled and suffered such pain she kept an alert eye on the business. She had actually left her bed to examine the small cabinet. Nurse Loman had been astonished because she had believed her patient could not walk. But in certain circumstances patients such as Miss Brett could summon up special powers. She believed Dr. Elgin would confirm this and in any case she had found Miss Brett beside the cabinet. It was true she had had to be almost carried back to bed but she had walked to the piece of furniture unaided. Nurse Loman believed that this was what had happened during that night. The pain was intense; the dose she had already taken had given her only a short sleep; so she had decided to take more. Close to the chest on the top of which the opium pills were kept Nurse Loman had found a button from Miss Brett’s bedjacket, and she knew that button had not been missing when she had given Miss Brett her pill and said goodnight.
The bedjacket had been produced; the button examined; water had been spilled on the table close to Aunt Charlotte’s bed.
The verdict was that Aunt Charlotte suffered great pain and had taken her own life while the balance of her mind was disturbed.
But the matter did not rest there. The will was read. The business and the Queen’s House were for me; there was two hundred pounds for Mrs. Morton and — this was a surprise — two hundred for Chantel; one hundred for Ellen and fifty for Mrs. Buckle.
Chantel wrote in her journaclass="underline" “What a surprise! Although I knew she was a little fond of me. She must have added the codicil that day when the two important-looking gentlemen came to see her. I suppose they were lawyers. But fancy her including me. Money is always comforting though. But I do wish it hadn’t happened as it did. Poor poor Anna! She’s really very vulnerable. As for the others — particularly Ellen — they can’t quite hide their jubilation.”
Change had certainly come to the Queen’s House. Mrs. Morton wanted to leave at once and she did. Ellen said Mr. Orfey had no objection to her staying until I found someone else to suit. Chantel asked if she could stay on for a while although there would be no need for her services.
“Please stay,” I begged, and she did.
We used to sit in the Queen’s room — Chantel’s favorite room — and talk about the future. Sometimes she would lie on the Queen’s bed, very gingerly, always aware of its age and the need to preserve it, and say that she felt like the Queen. She tried to be lighthearted, but I found that difficult. I knew that people were talking. I had inherited so much, they said. And Mrs. Buckle had often talked about the trouble that always seemed to be brewing between myself and my aunt, although everything did run more smoothly since Nurse Loman came.
Chantel helped me sort things out. I soon learned that what I had inherited was mostly debts. What had happened to Aunt Charlotte? In the last two or three years she had lost her judgment. No wonder she would not let me look at the books. I was horrified at the price she had paid for those Chinese pieces. There were other pieces too. Beautiful in themselves, but more suitable for museums than for private buyers. She had borrowed from the bank at a high rate of interest. I quickly realized that the business was on the edge of bankruptcy.
Sometimes I would wake in the night and think I heard Aunt Charlotte’s mocking laughter. And then one night I woke with a horrible thought in my mind. I remembered the night when I had found myself standing in my room; and I visualized myself going down in my sleep to Aunt Charlotte’s room and taking six of these opium pills, dissolving them in water and putting them at her bedside. She often drank water during the night. There was some spilt on the bedside table. Suppose …
“What’s the matter?” demanded Chantel. “You look as though you haven’t slept a wink.”
“I’m terribly afraid,” I said, and she insisted on my telling her.
“You didn’t write in your journal about that dream you had some time ago.”
“No, I thought it was too trivial.”
“Nothing’s too trivial. And we promised to tell all.” She was mildly reproachful.
“Is it important?”
“Yes,” she said, “everything is important. That’s what I’ve learned in my profession. But never mind that now. Anna, you must get this suspicion out of your mind.”
“I can’t. I think I’m suspected. People have changed toward me. I’ve noticed it about the town.”
“Gossips. They must have something to talk about. I found the button from her bedjacket, didn’t I?”
“Did you, Chantel?”
“Did I? What do you mean?”
“I wondered whether you were trying to save me.”
“Listen,” she said, “I’m sure it happened the way it did.”
“Did you really see her get out of bed to look at the cabinet?”
“I don’t think we should talk about it. People can do these things. I tell you I’ve seen it. And quite clearly it’s what she did.”
“Chantel,” I said, “I believe you’ve saved me from something … very unpleasant. Perhaps it might have been proved … Suppose I walked in my sleep …”
“What nonsense. You don’t walk in your sleep. You were half awake when you got out of bed. You were upset about her. I expect she had been particularly beastly that day. Listen to me, Anna. You’ve got to put the whole thing out of your mind. You’ve got to concentrate on pulling the business together. You’ve got to forget the past. It’s the only way to go on.”
“Oh Chantel, the best thing that has happened to me has been your coming here.”
“I’ve enjoyed the job,” she said. “You’ll be all right. You’d have stood up to them all if it had come to the court. I know you would. But you have to stop working yourself up about the whole thing. It’s over. Finished. You’ve got to start living now. Something wonderful might be happening in a few weeks’ time.”
“To me?”
“That’s the wrong attitude. Wonderful things can happen to us all. That’s how I’ve lived my life. When I’ve had the most horrid cases I’ve said to myself: It won’t last. Soon it’ll be over.”
“What should I do without you?” I asked.
“You don’t have to … yet.”
She was right when she said that nothing remained static. She came to me one day and told me that Dr. Elgin had a post for her. “You’ll never guess where. Castle Crediton.”
I felt stunned. First she was going to leave me and secondly she was going to the Castle.
“It’s good news,” she said. “I have to work for my living and just think we shan’t be far apart. I’ll be able to see you … frequently.”