Caro raised an eyebrow, but Kit was grateful she didn’t snort.
‘Hey there, soldier!’ Frank popped his head up over the fence. ‘Want to come see the baby birds in the nest on my shed?’
Davey’s face lit up. ‘Can I, Mum? Can I go over to Uncle Frank’s?’
‘Okay.’ Caro laughed and pointed a mock-threatening finger at Frank. ‘But mind you don’t feed him more than two biscuits. He’s had two already.’
‘Aye, aye, Captain!’
Caro contemplated Kit as Davey raced across next door. ‘Why are you wasting your time on this man, Kit?’
Was she wasting her time? She folded herself into her chair, hunched down to rest her head against its wooden slats. Nausea and exhaustion pummel ed her.
‘I mean, you had to see the look on his face when he held Davey. Not even Blind Freddy could’ve missed that!’
She had. Shock, wonder and then pain—a dark, searing, tear-the-heart-out-of-your-chest pain.
And she’d wanted to help him. In that moment it hadn’t mattered if he was going to stay or not.
Nobody should be asked to endure that kind of pain on their own.
‘Kit, do you real y believe Alex can change?
Come to terms with fatherhood? Be there for you and the baby?’
Kit moistened her lips and swal owed. ‘I know if our positions were reversed, I’d be asking you these self-same questions. Caro, my head knows what you’re saying. It’s saying the same things.’
‘But?’
But her heart was another matter entirely. It hit her then that she’d been so busy trying to reconcile Alex to the idea of fatherhood that she’d forgotten to protect herself. She’d left herself wide open. She’d fal en in love with him again.
If she’d ever fal en out of love with him in the first place.
What a mess!
She forced herself to state facts. ‘You know he threw up when I told him I was pregnant. Right there in the azalea bushes.’
‘Oh, honey.’ Caro leaned across, clasped her hand. ‘I’m sorry.’
Kit squeezed it back. ‘But he took me to the medical clinic al the same and he looked after me until I was over the kidney infection. He knew he didn’t have to stay, but he did and he never made me feel bad about it. Not once.’
‘Just as wel !’
‘His parents died when he was twelve and he went to live with his mean old grandfather. You and me, we both missed our dads, but our childhoods were great.’
Caro shook her head, but she was smiling. ‘You are such a soft touch.’
‘Every time I’ve just about given up on him, I find out something that gives me hope again. You know, he hasn’t had a proper holiday in nearly five years.
He took leave the month before last and spent it doing aid work in Africa, helping to build an orphanage.’
She’d gril ed him until he’d told her every single detail about it. She could stil remember the way his eyes had shone.
‘Not the actions of a man entirely beyond hope,’
Caro final y agreed. ‘But, honey, I’m so scared you’re going to get hurt.’
Kit pul ed in a breath. It was too late to go back now. ‘I know having him here is a risk, but…’ She now. ‘I know having him here is a risk, but…’ She leant towards her friend. ‘There’s too much at stake to just give up on him. He’l do what he considers his duty—pay child support and whatnot.’ She flattened her hands over her burgeoning stomach and stared at it in wonder and gratitude. ‘I want more than that for my baby, Caro. I love it so much already. If anything I do now can help Alex with his issues and embrace fatherhood, then…’
‘Then you’l do it.’
‘I have to,’ she whispered, her throat thickening and her eyes stinging. ‘I know I might fail. I know the odds aren’t great.’ After what she’d just witnessed, they might wel be non-existent, but… ‘I have to at least try. Otherwise, how wil I ever be able to look my child in the eye when it asks me about its daddy?’
Caro didn’t say anything for a moment. ‘What about what you need, Kit?’
‘The baby has to come first.’
‘Sure it does, but it doesn’t mean you’re not al owed to have hopes and dreams for yourself too.
You know I’d lay my life down for Davey, but it doesn’t stop me hoping my white knight wil turn up.’
With al her heart, Kit hoped that would happen for her friend.
‘You love him, don’t you?’
It was useless trying to hide from the truth. She gave a weary nod. ‘I started fal ing for him the first time I laid eyes on him. If I believed in such things I’d have said we’d known each other in a past life. It just felt that…right.’
And then they’d made love. There had been no going back after that.
‘Do you know how he feels about you?’
‘I know he likes who I am.’ She hesitated. ‘I sometimes think he has me up on some stupid pedestal. And I know he’s stil attracted to me.’ Her heart fluttered up into her throat. There was no denying she was attracted to him.
‘But something is holding him back?’
‘Yes.’ Chad.
‘Honey, if you can’t get to the bottom of it, no one can. If and when you do, he’l be your slave for ever.’
Kit wished she shared her friend’s confidence.
‘And if I fail, you’l be there to help me pick up the pieces.’
‘Just like you’ve always been there for me.’
‘Caro, if Alex can’t be my birth partner, wil you do it?’
Caro leaned over and hugged her. ‘I’d be honoured.’
Kit found Alex on her rock.
She didn’t mean to. She hadn’t gone looking for him. She’d just needed to get out of the house.
She’d needed the fresh air and spring breeze to blow away the fears and worries crowding her mind.
She’d come here to her rock to remind herself of al the good things she’d stil have in her life if Alex did leave. Just the thought of Alex leaving bleached the colour out of al that was good. She swal owed and settled one hand on her stomach. That wasn’t true. If Alex left she’d stil have her baby, and her baby was a very good thing. An amazing thing.
A miracle.
She’d give thanks for her baby every day.
She stared at the rigid lines of Alex’s back and shoulders and clenched her hands. Why was he finding this so hard? Their baby wasn’t Chad. Their situation was different. Sure, the prospect of a new baby was scary, but it was joyful and wonderful too.
Or it would be if only he’d let it.
She blinked hard. She should leave him be. He obviously wanted privacy. Maybe her rock would help him find a measure of peace. She turned to leave, but he swung around as if some sixth sense had told him she was standing there.
‘Oh…’ The words dried in her throat as emotion, yearning, her love for him, al swel ed up through her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she final y choked out. ‘I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I’l go.’
‘No!’ He leapt to his feet. ‘This is your spot. I’ll go.’
His vehemence, his evident desire to put her at her ease and to do what was right, made her smile.
‘I’m happy to share. There’s room enough for two.’