“Just let me be by myself right now,” she whispered.
A look that would have frightened the most hardened of criminals leapt to Hannah’s normally sweet face. “If he did anything to you, I swear-”
“No!” Audrey leapt to her feet and shook her head. “I liked it.”
Hannah’s cocked her head as if to ask Audrey to elaborate.
“He kissed me. Griffin kissed me, Hannah and I-” a small sob caught in her throat. “-I liked it.”
Hannah sat down with a thump in Audrey’s dressing table chair. “I knew from the moment I saw that man that he wanted you. I knew it.”
Audrey let out a strangled groan. That couldn’t be true. Griffin Berenger want her? Impossible! She’d spent years reminding herself of that cold, bitter fact. She’d shed too many tears over his lack of feeling toward her. And now that notion that had driven her away from England and into a life of secrets was crumbling around her.
“He did say he’d wanted to kiss me for five years,” she murmured, more to herself than to Hannah as she touched her mouth. Her lips felt hot and swollen, aching to continue the soft torment Griffin had begun.
Hannah made a sound in the back of her throat that brought Audrey back to reality.
“Well, where does this leave us then?” her friend asked. “Because it’s obvious you have feelings for the man, despite all your attempts to convince me, your brother and perhaps even yourself otherwise.”
Audrey sank back down on the mattress. “Nothing has changed. Nothing.”
“Ha!” Hannah barked out, pacing over to the bay window to lean against the glass while she stared at Audrey with an appraising glance. “What has all the moping and upset over the past five years been about then?”
Taking a deep breath, Audrey contemplated that question. At first she’d allowed herself to mourn the loss of her dreams about a future with Griffin. Then her life in the War Department had begun and she’d been able to forget that crush — sometimes. She always told herself her feelings for Griffin had been nothing more than a girlish tendre.
But in the parlor not half an hour before, her body had roared to life and her heart had lodged in her throat from the moment Griffin asked her to be alone with him.
With hot tears stinging her eyes, Audrey whispered, “I suppose I did a very good job convincing myself I didn’t really love him. But-but I still do.”
With a grin, Hannah burst out, “Hallelujah! She finally admits it!”
“What?”
Audrey had no idea why admitting she still loved Griffin would bring her friend so much pleasure. That fact could only put all of them in danger and bring her heartache.
Hannah’s expression softened. “Oh Audrey, don’t you think I’ve known that from the first moment I met you? You were just a girl then, with little experience and no confidence. But when you talked to me about the man you’d loved and lost, I could see that love was real. All your denials and explanations were meaningless.”
“I never knew my heart was so plain,” Audrey said with a shake of her head. “But this is nothing to celebrate. Loving Griffin will only make things more complicated. I must continue to pretend I care for Douglas Ellison. Even if I didn’t have duty to consider, Griffin has never returned my feelings. There was desire in his touch tonight… but I can’t believe there would suddenly be more.”
Hannah let out a groan. “I told your brother this plan was a mistake.”
Audrey had all but forgotten her brother. “Oh God, Noah. If he finds out, he’ll kill Griffin!”
As if on cue, a soft knock sounded at her door.
“Audrey?” Noah whispered from outside. “It’s me, let me in.”
Twisting the fabric of her skirt into her hand, Audrey checked herself in the mirror. The last thing she wanted was for her brother to notice how disheveled she looked. That would only make him push and nag until he wrung her secrets from her.
“Hurry up, Audrey!” he murmured impatiently.
“I’m coming,” she snapped back, throwing Hannah a warning frown before opening the door.
Noah breezed in with grin for her before he plopped down in her dressing table chair. She took one near the window and hoped for the best.
“Still in your full opera regalia, little sister? I would have thought you’d gotten more comfortable at least half an hour ago,” he said as he fiddled with the objects on her dressing table.
“I–I was waylaid,” she murmured with another glance toward Hannah. Her friend had folded her arms and was staring at her expectantly.
Noah put down the tiny bottle of cologne in his hand and leaned forward to look at her closer.
“Have you been… have you been crying, Audrey?” He rose to his feet in alarm.
The tears she’d been holding back began to flow again and contradicted her denial.
“Is it because he kissed you? I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.” Noah ran a hand through his dark hair. “Bastard.”
Audrey’s heart lurched into her throat as her gaze flew from Noah to Hannah then back again. How did her brother already know about Griffin?
“No, Noah!” Audrey rose to her feet with shaking knees.
“Audrey!” Hannah snapped, but she ignored her friend.
“Don’t blame him,” she continued.
“Audrey,” Hannah repeated as she stepped forward.
Audrey shook her head. If Noah already knew about her moment in the sitting room with Griffin then she would take responsibility. She didn’t need Hannah’s protection.
“I kissed him back. I know I’m an idiot, but I liked kissing him, Noah.”
“Oh, Audrey,” Hannah said softly as she sank back down on the bed and covered her eyes.
Her brother looked at her with confusion and disgust. “You liked kissing Ellison?”
Audrey froze. This was what Hannah had been trying to tell her. Noah knew about her kiss with Ellison, probably from Hannah’s report just after their arrival… not Griffin.
“Douglas?” she whispered, wiping away tears. “I…”
“No,” Noah snarled, his gaze clearing with recognition. “Hannah said you were talking with Griffin. You kissed Griffin?”
Spinning on his heel, her brother strode over to the door, nearly ripping it from the hinges. Audrey caught up with him at a run and grasped him by the arm with both hands.
“Stop, Noah!” she pleaded, kicking the door shut and shaking him. “He’s your friend! Why is it you’re more angry at your friend for kissing me than some traitor?”
Noah’s answer was instant and heated, “Because you once loved, and judging from your face, still love my friend. I saw how deeply you were hurt by those feelings five years ago and by everything Luci did to you afterward.”
“What Luci did wasn’t his fault!” she insisted. “Good God, he doesn’t even know about all that!”
Releasing his arm, she crossed over to the bed and leaned her forehead against the bedpost.
“Noah?” she whispered.
“Yes?” His voice just as soft. All the heat and anger was gone from his demeanor.
“Do you think I trade my body for secrets?”
When Griffin made that angry accusation in the drawing room, it had hurt her, for it was often what she feared she did.
“No!” Noah caught her in his arms to hug her tightly. “No. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that. You’re a good and decent woman. I’ve seen you hold up in the worst of circumstances. You should never walk with your head down in shame for what you’ve done for your country, Audrey.”
With a small squeeze, she stepped from his embrace. “Thank you. You’re a good brother.”