Caroline rubbed her eyes. She was dreaming. Of course she was. She felt the warmth of the bed and the sheets wrapped around her legs. But somehow when she opened her eyes, she was still outside under the tree. Sara, she called.
Sara appeared wearing the same yellow-and-pink polka dot bathing suit. Her braids dripped water onto her shoulders and down the front of her chest. Her skin was pale, almost translucent.
What are you doing here? Everyone’s looking for you, she said in a dreamlike voice, although she could feel herself talking inside her chest. Could she be talking in her sleep?
I want my mommy, Sara said.
I know you do, she said in an understanding voice, because wasn’t that what Caroline wanted too? I’ll take you to her. She reached for her, but Sara recoiled.
Don’t let them find me, Sara said.
I won’t. I promise. But you need to come with me now. I’ll take you home, she said. I’ll take you to your mother. It was then Caroline noticed holes, hundreds of them, up and down Sara’s arms and legs. It was as though bits and pieces of her body had been rubbed out, chunks of her skin removed. Caroline covered her mouth to keep from screaming.
Find me, Caroline, Sara said in a whispering voice. Find me.
Caroline sat straight up in bed, her hands over her mouth. She was shaking so hard, her knees knocked. She breathed in and out, trying to slow her speeding heart. She was dreaming again. It was only another bad dream. The room was warm and humid. The curtains sagged in the stagnant night air. The window screen lay on the floor beneath the window. She thought she had put it back after Megan had left. She was pretty sure she had.
The chill she had felt in the dream crept up her spine and settled in her bones. It wasn’t real, she told herself, and sprung from the bed. She stuck the screen back in the window and pulled the curtains closed. It wasn’t real. Then why did it feel that way?
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Patricia returned to the Sparrow, thinking about the recovery team. They had promised they’d be back to searching before the sun came up. She didn’t doubt them, although she was losing hope at a rapid pace. The lake was big, several miles long, and who knew how deep? There was no telling where the storms, or whatever else, the voice in the back of her mind screamed, could’ve dragged her little girl. She didn’t want to think about her daughter lying on the murky bottom. The image of the half-eaten eel the men had dumped onto the beach cut across her mind, and she quickly forced it away. Far, far away. She was barely holding it together. If she went there, to the dark place of reality, she’d never be able to pull herself out. And now wasn’t the time to fall apart, not while her daughter was still out there, waiting to be found.
She wrapped her arms around Dolly and paced the living room. She stopped moving when the rotary phone rang. She grabbed the receiver.
“Hello?” Her breathing quickened, thinking it might be news about Sara. But all she heard was static and Kyle’s faint voice calling her name. The connection was poor, and after a few seconds of white noise, she hung up and continued walking.
Most of Sara’s toys were strewn about the place much like Patricia’s toys used to be when she had stayed in this very cabin with her parents. Now that she had been in the place a few days, she noticed other things, things she remembered from her childhood. Like how the wicker rocking chairs creaked underneath a person’s weight, how the pipes groaned when the water was running, how the old claw-foot bathtub still looked a little creepy.
Evidence of mold stained the corners of the ceiling in most of the rooms despite the fact that the brochure had stated the cabin was recently painted. She supposed it couldn’t be helped. The colony had a way of holding onto moisture whether it was dampness or humidity. Nothing ever felt totally dry—not the air, the towels, the clothes, your skin.
And the smell, the ones she remembered from childhood that had hit her at full force when she had first stepped through the door. They were a mixture of the same damp earthy lake air and smoke from the fireplace. The sight and scent had filled her with such a state of happiness; she didn’t think anything bad could happen while she was here.
She looped around the couch and chairs. When she grew tired of the pattern, she circled the kitchen table, walking, pacing—the movement soothing. Sometimes her mind raced with thoughts of Sara, her heart too heavy for her chest to hold and she’d stop, bend over, and release the most terrifying sound she had ever heard, one laden with grief.
She continued on, stepping in and out of one of the three bedrooms. She couldn’t bring herself to walk into Sara’s bedroom, where her daughter should be sleeping. And the master bedroom, if you could call it that since the space could just about fit the queen-size bed and chest of drawers, where Kyle had slept on their second night when she had telephoned about Sara, reeked of failure and loneliness. The thought of both empty beds was too much to bear.
She took to biting her nails, moving haphazardly through the rest of the cabin. She lost track of time. At one point she poured a glass of water and swallowed it down in large gulps. Within minutes, the water sloshing around her belly, she bent over the kitchen sink and threw up. She couldn’t remember the last time she had had something to eat or drink. Her body ached with exhaustion. She walked on.
Gradually, slowly, her thoughts turned to Jo and the news about Billy. No, no. She wasn’t ready to think about it yet. She couldn’t bear to think he was gone from this world. Not Billy, too.
But she did think about him, the boy he was the last time she saw him. He was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans even though it had been a particularly hot day. In fact, it had been a hot summer. The days were long and the humidity relentless. But somehow not even the heat could touch cool Billy. Or maybe because he spent so much time on the lake, the coolness of the water never truly left him. It was as though he had been a very part of what made the lake special.
True, she had been young, but not so young that she didn’t recognize the way her stomach flip-flopped and her heart skipped whenever he was near. “Are you feeling okay?” Dee Dee would ask. “I feel funny,” she would whisper, only to have Dee Dee whisper back, “That’s why they call it lovesickness.”
She had followed Billy everywhere. He had never given any indication he had minded. In fact, thinking back, he had encouraged her.
“What do you think, Pattie-cakes?” He had looked into her eyes. There had been something about his gaze that had invited you in. A girl, young or old, could have lost herself in those eyes, so deep and full of mystery. “Should we take the boat for a spin?”
She had tried to answer, mixing up her words and stuttering. In the end, she had resorted to nodding. He had picked her up, his biceps bulging, sunglasses perched on the top of his head. He had placed her in his boat and off they went, speeding across the water after dinner well before the partying started, before Jo had turned up to take him away.
* * *
Patricia stopped pacing when a car pulled into the yard and parked. Her first thought was that it might be the sheriff. She yanked the curtains aside and looked out the window, recognizing Kyle’s BMW. He knocked on the door. She didn’t know what else to do but let him in, caught off guard, surprised to see him. It must’ve been why he tried calling earlier, to let her know he was coming.