At the same time he could look at some nearby property his man of business had recommended buying. And he could use the occasion to travel farther north, to investigate a factory he had won at the gaming tables this past winter. The press of business would provide a valid excuse to be gone for a time…
He had no desire to spoil the idyllic summer’s day, however, or depress his sister’s rare happiness. He would wait until this evening to break the news to her. And to Vanessa as well.
Damien took a long swallow of his wine and forced himself to look away from her.
Meanwhile he would have to rein in his fierce craving before it threatened to become a full-fledged obsession.
Olivia seemed reluctant for the magical afternoon to end, but when she visibly began to tire, Damien insisted on taking her home.
“I promise there will be more picnics in the future,” he assured her.
As he carried her into the house, she recalled leaving her favorite shawl in the conservatory when she’d visited the bath that morning. Vanessa volunteered to fetch it, and found the shawl draped over the bench beside the pool.
She had just turned to retrace her steps through the conservatory when a hushed voice called her name. She looked up in startlement.
A man blocked her path, attired in a slouch hat and frayed frock coat, with a short growth of beard darkening his jaw.
She had grown accustomed to seeing strangers at Rosewood, since scholars and scientists and botanists regularly came to study the roses in the summer. But none had ever approached her or followed her. This man could be anything from a university student to a ruffian.
Her wariness seemed to amuse him, for his mouth curved in a slow grin as he drew off his hat to reveal a familiar and beloved face. “What, Van, can you not give your only brother a greeting of welcome?”
“Aubrey? What on earth…”
He came forward and embraced her, then stepped back to eye her fondly. “I didn’t mean to shock you, my dear.”
She stared at him blankly. “Whatever possessed you to grow a beard? I would never have recognized you if you hadn’t spoken.”
His mobile mouth twisted wryly. “That is precisely the idea, love. Sinclair would probably shoot me if he knew I had breached his premises.”
“Oh, my word…” Vanessa exclaimed, recalling the enmity between the two men. “Are you mad? He will see you-”
“With luck he will never know I’m here. My disguise was effective enough to fool you, wasn’t it? I bought this coat from a student at Oxford for a guinea.”
“Yes, but…” She lowered her voice and, with a quick glance around, drew him farther into the conservatory, behind the Chinese screen. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see how you fared.”
“I’m well enough.”
Aubrey’s brow furrowed as he studied her intently. “Sinclair hasn’t mistreated you?”
Vanessa looked away from her brother’s penetrating gaze. “No, not at all. You shouldn’t be here,” she added.
“I couldn’t stay away,” he replied obliquely. “What of Olivia? I have no right to ask, perhaps, but I need to know. I saw her being carried out of the carriage a moment ago, but she was laughing. She looked… She didn’t seem to be suffering terribly.” His tone sounded hopeful. “At least not as much as I feared.”
Vanessa turned cool. “She hasn’t regained the use of her limbs, if that is what you are asking. She is still a cripple, and her physical state is wholly uncertain… although emotionally she has begun to recover a small measure.”
“I wish I could speak to her, just for a moment.”
“That is out of the question, Aubrey. It would only upset her to see you.”
“Does she hate me so very much, then?”
“What do you think?” Vanessa asked bluntly.
Aubrey winced, then looked away. “I want to tell her how deeply sorry I am.”
“I’m sure that would salve your conscience, but I cannot see how it would benefit her.”
“Will you at least take a letter to her for me? I cannot write to her. All my letters are returned.”
Vanessa shook her head. “No, Aubrey, I can’t. It would only remind her of how you ruined her life.”
His gaze grew bleak. “I can’t bear to think of what I’ve done.”
“Well, you will simply have to live with it,” Vanessa returned, giving him no quarter. “She has had to.”
To her surprise, she saw tears start to shimmer in her brother’s dark eyes. “Will you tell her of my regret?”
“I don’t dare, Aubrey,” Vanessa said more softly. “Olivia trusts me because she doesn’t know of my connection to you. It was bad enough that I had to deceive her, but if I were to reveal the truth after all this time, she would certainly feel as if I had betrayed her.”
“I wish… there were some way for me to make amends.”
“I know, but the best way for you to make amends is to go home and not show yourself here again.”
He clenched his teeth, and Vanessa recognized the stubborn set of his jaw. “I cannot leave just yet. There may be something I can do for her.”
“Are you certain it isn’t a cockfight or a boxing match that has drawn you here, and not your conscience?”
He glanced at her sadly. “I’m certain. I’m here out of concern for her… and for you.” His hurt seemed genuine. Evidently he had convinced himself that his motives were selfless.
Vanessa sighed. “Perhaps so, Aubrey. But you will only make matters worse by staying.”
Gazing into her eyes, he took her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Vanessa… I want you to know how much I appreciate the sacrifice you’ve made for me. You should never have had to pay such a price for my sins. But I promise you it won’t be in vain.” His expression was as solemn as Vanessa had ever seen it. “I owe you more than I can say. You made me take a hard look at my life, made me realize how low I had sunk. And I swear I mean to change, to turn my life around. To become a different man.”
Vanessa searched her brother’s face. If Aubrey sincerely felt a measure of guilt, of remorse, perhaps he was beginning to grow up at least a little.
“It isn’t so bad, truly,” she replied quietly. “There are times when I quite enjoy myself. And I believe I am doing Olivia some good.”
“I… wondered. Your letters home are cheerful enough, but I know there’s much you leave out, for the sake of our sisters.”
The rest of the family still believed she was here as companion to Miss Sinclair rather than as Lord Sin’s mistress. Only Aubrey knew her true role.
“How are Charlotte and Fanny?” Vanessa asked.
“Well enough. Everyone misses you, Mama especially. You will never credit it, but the girls have been making a sincere attempt to cut down on expenses. Fanny has purchased only a single bonnet the entire time you’ve been gone.”
Vanessa felt herself smile. “Tell her I appreciate her efforts at economy.”
“You’ll have to tell her yourself, in a letter. I’m not returning home just yet. I’ve taken an attic room in the village. Penance for my sins, and all that,” he added wryly at her shocked look.
“Aubrey, you can’t stay. You can’t hurt Olivia Sinclair again…” she implored, but he held a finger to her lips to hush her.
“Please try to understand, Vanessa. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. I’ll keep away from her for now, but I can’t leave just yet. I can’t ignore what I did to her. I’ve tried everything in my power to forget it, believe me, but it hasn’t worked. I can’t leave her. I just can’t.”
After her brother’s unsettling visit, dinner was an unnerving event for Vanessa. As much as she wanted to believe Aubrey’s sincerity, she feared he was here for his own selfish reasons, that he was thinking only of himself, trying to ease his conscience. Haunted by feelings of remorse and guilt, he had convinced himself that apologizing to Olivia would make his pain go away. He didn’t seem to care that the girl would be shattered to have to face him again.