"I really, really don't want to listen to another apology from you," Liz interrupted. "If you're sorry, prove it-leave me alone."
"I will. I promise. That's what I wanted to tell you," Max answered. He hesitated, not wanting to say this next part. But he was the one who kept telling Liz they had to be just friends. So right now he was going to actually do that-be her friend, and help un-screw up her life.
"And… and I also wanted to say that I've hung out with Jerry a little and he's a good guy," Max told her. "I think you two would be a good couple."
"Thanks for giving us your blessing," she said sarcastically. "I wouldn't want to be with a guy you didn't approve of."
Max could hardly listen to what she was saying. His eyes were locked on the black splotches of pain exploding in her aura.
He'd just hurt her again. Hurt her worse than he ever had before.
Isabel tried to remember what Alex's last class was. If she hurried, maybe she could catch him coming out. Or maybe it would be better to go straight to the parking lot and find his Rabbit.
We can use that free game coupon I won last time we went miniature golfing, she thought. I guess I should apologize for calling him a charity case first. Then after golf we can go to the Crashdown and-
Stop it, she ordered herself. Just stop it. She couldn't keep using Alex. That's what she'd been doing-using him, using him to keep away the memories, to help her feel safe, to make her feel like an ordinary human girl who barely knew what Sheriff Valenti looked like.
Alex deserved better. And so did she. What, was she some pathetic loser who needed a guy to take care of her? Isabel didn't think so. And she was going to prove it-right now. She was going to the mall. She was going to the place where Nikolas died. It was time to get over this thing.
She hurried down the halls and out the school's big double doors. She didn't notice Liz and Maria hanging out in the quad until Maria grabbed her arm.
"Hey, Isabel," Maria said. "How're you doing?"
"Great," she answered. But one look at Maria's face told her that Maria wasn't going to buy it. Isabel sighed. "Actually, not so good," she admitted. "I'm still thinking about Nikolas all the time. I… I was going to go to the mall. I wanted to look at the last places we went together. I don't know, I thought maybe it would help me get some closure or something."
"We'll go with you," Liz immediately volunteered.
"Yeah, you can't go alone," Maria said. "Come on. I see the bus." She grabbed Isabel by the arm and they ran to the bus stop, Liz right behind them.
Maria led the way onto the bus, and they found seats together in the last row. Isabel stared at her friends in surprise. She hadn't expected Liz and Maria to sympathize with her-they had both hated Nikolas.
"Thanks… thanks for going with me," she said. "I know the mall doesn't exactly have great memories for you two, either."
The night Nikolas had died, Isabel had been way too out of it to realize Liz and Maria were at the mall. The only one she even remembered being around after Nikolas got shot was Max. But they had both been there, searching for her, trying to get to her before Valenti did.
Liz and Maria were both quiet for a moment. "Yeah," Liz finally said. "That was not a good night."
"I never said I was sorry," Isabel said. "Not for what you went through that night… or before." Nikolas had treated Liz and Maria with total contempt. He'd used his power to knock Liz out, just to prove a point. And Isabel had walked around insisting it was okay because Nikolas didn't really hurt Liz.
"That's right. You didn't," Maria answered.
"Can I say it now? Is it too late?" Isabel asked.
"I think you can just get in under the apology expiration date," Liz said. Maria nodded.
Isabel felt her eyes fill with tears. They were willing to forgive her. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't know how to say it any better. I shouldn't have let Nikolas treat you the way he did. And I should have listened when you all told me he was putting me in danger."
"Well, you were in love with him," Liz said.
"Yeah. It's not like you're the first girl who ever did something stupid because she was in love," Maria added.
Isabel managed a little smile. "You're both being so nice to me," she said, her voice breaking.
"What did you expect?" Liz demanded. "Did you think we'd dump you as a friend because you did one dumb-one very dumb-thing?"
"Actually, it did cross my mind," Isabel admitted.
"You're nuts," Maria said. "Maybe that would happen with casual friends, but we're a lot more than that. Think about that connection Max made between us. That made us more than friends. It's like we're almost sisters-you know, fristers."
"Yeah," Liz agreed. "The three of us are fristers."
Fristers. Isabel liked the sound of that. She liked it a lot.
"This is our stop," Liz said.
Isabel stared out the window as the bus pulled up at the mall. Her stomach tightened.
"I want to go to Macy's first," she told Liz and Maria as they climbed off the bus.
"Are you sure?" Maria asked.
Isabel nodded. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it all the way. She was going to go right to the spot where Valenti shot Nikolas.
She took the lead as they entered the store. She strode directly to the formal wear department, not even glancing at the racks of sportswear or the other shoppers,
"I think I want to go the rest of the way by myself," she said.
"Okay, Maria and I will go over to the phones by the elevators," Liz said. "I should call my mom and tell her where I am, anyway. Take as long as you want."
"Yeah. Take as long as you want. But if you're not over to the phones in fifteen minutes, we're coming to get you," Maria added.
"Thanks," Isabel answered. She walked back to the dressing rooms without hesitation. She slipped behind the red curtain shielding the entrance and stood exactly where she had when she watched Valenti murder Nikolas. She peered out at the spot where he had fallen.
The patch of carpet looked just slightly darker than the rest. They'd obviously put in a new piece. The scent of gunpowder grew so strong, she could almost taste it in her mouth. You're imagining it, she reminded herself. You're only imagining it.
Isabel brought her hands to her chest. She started to pick at the polish on her thumbnail. Then she laced her hands tightly together. She wasn't going to start that again. She was going to stand here, just stand here, and look at the spot where Nikolas died.
She let the movie play in her head without trying to block it out, watching Nikolas fall to the ground again, and again, and again. Smelling the gunpowder.
"Can I help you?" a chilly voice asked.
Isabel turned around and saw a saleswoman staring at her. She must have come from one of the dressing rooms.
"I'm just… I'm just looking for a friend," Isabel answered. She turned back around and peered out at the dark patch of carpet again. No movie began in her head. The only odor she smelled was the chalky, musty scent of the curtain. "I guess he isn't here," she added softly.
I did it, she thought. I came here, I looked, and I survived. She pushed her way through the curtain and rushed over to the phones.
"I just want to go to a few more places," she told Liz and Maria, "First the jewelry store."
It was one of the last places she'd been with Nikolas. That's why she wanted to go there. She wanted to remember something besides the way he died, kind of relive their last hours together.
"Lead the way," Maria said.
Isabel hurried out the exit that led into the mall. She breathed in the smell of chocolate cookies from the stand across the way. There wasn't the slightest taint of gunpowder in the delicious scent. She pulled in a long, deep sniff.
She, Liz, and Maria strolled down the main walkway to the jewelry store, then went inside and wandered from counter to counter. Liz and Maria didn't try to get her to talk or anything. They just kept her company. It's like they knew she needed time to remember.