As Ocean drew in a deep breath, she couldn’t help stealing a glance in his direction. Though her eyes appeared glazed by anger, a crooked grin skewed her face. She wanted to stick her tongue out at him, to show him her middle finger again, or simply spit in his general direction. For some reason, he didn’t seem quite so big now, in fact, he looked like an empty husk of a man, just some pathetic old relic who was so ugly and deformed that he had to force himself on young girls. Though half his stature, inside Ocean felt as if she towered over this wretched creature and, if she were perfectly honest with herself, she had Levi to thank for that.
Seeing the other woman stand her ground against Gauge’s anger, refusing to back down, had ignited something within the girl. Though she had wiled away countless hours wishing that she was tall and strong like her beautiful counterpart, dreaming that it was her arms wrapped around Gauge through the long hours of the night, she’d never really viewed the woman as anything other than competition. True, Levi was kind and funny and probably could’ve been almost like an older sister to Ocean if Gauge hadn’t been wedged between them. And so the younger girl had always kept her distance, refusing to get too close to the very woman whose heart she planned on breaking someday.
It was ironic that now, with all the fear and uncertainty of the morning coming to a head, that Ocean should find a mentor in her. That she was able to draw strength from the olive-skinned enchantress in a way she’d never been able to with anyone else. This same strength is what allowed her to look Corduroy directly in the eye as she parted her lips to speak.
At the same time the words formed in her throat, Gauge pulled his hand away from Ocean’s shoulder and drew it back into a tight fist as he glowered at the woman who stood defiantly across from him.
“You don’t wanna do that.”
Corduroy’s voice cut through Baby’s keening like a commandment from some ancient demon, and Ocean felt them hit her with an almost physical force. In her mind, she’d expected him to plead with his eye or perhaps slink away when he realized what she was about to do. She’d hoped to see him humiliated and defeated, broken down and battered by her impending allegations.
But he didn’t seem worried in the least bit. In fact, it was almost like this new threat was more of a warning. As if he knew what the outcome would be if she told the others now.
Was he that secure in his place here? Did he have some secret power over Gauge and Levi that Ocean wasn’t privy to? The surety and courage that had previously made Ocean feel as if she could rip bricks from the wall with her bare hands, now dissipated as quickly as the steam from the pot of boiling water.
Deep down inside, she didn’t want to leave. Nor did she want the others, even Levi, to think that she was a liar. She remembered how she used to feel when her mother would accuse her of making stuff up, how she’d feel so small and insignificant for days afterward. Even if they didn’t force her to pack her things and go, she’d still have to live with that withering feeling, the illogical guilt for something she hadn’t even done. Could Gauge ever love someone like that? Someone whom he thought was petty and spiteful and vindictive?
All of those thoughts flew through Ocean’s mind at once, in the amount of time it took for Gauge to snap his head in Corduroy’s direction. At first, he seemed to challenge the burnt man with the way he puffed out his chest and tilted his head, but then he looked at the fist that was cocked back to his shoulder, then at Levi, and then back to Corduroy.
Gauge’s hand relaxed and his entire body seemed to slump forward. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and shook his head like a man awaking from a dream.
“Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to do that.”
Gauge’s eyes shifted to Levi again and then he closed them lightly before sighing again.
“Come on, Cord. What do you say you and me go get the tools out of the south tunnel? We’ll get that new latrine dug.”
Corduroy grunted a reply but his gaze never strayed from Ocean. Was it just her imagination or was there something smug buried beneath all those scars? Something that knew the power that had infused her was now no more tangible than the earthy smells of breakfast that filled the room. She cast her eyes at her feet and didn’t look up again until he and Gauge had both walked silently out of the room.
“Sorry about that.” Levi mumbled. “Gauge can be a bit of an ass at times. He’s been through a lot.”
Ocean could still hear Baby’s warbling cries from the other room and her muscles longed to go to the infant boy, but something kept her rooted to the spot as firmly as if she were one of the wooden supports sunk into the floor. Besides, Levi was Baby’s mom… why shouldn’t she occasionally tend to the child’s needs? Not that Ocean minded taking care of Baby, she loved feeling his tiny body kick and squirm against her own and hearing the gurgling laugh when she’d make funny faces at him was enough to make her heart feel so full that it seemed it would shatter into a thousand pieces.
But on this particular morning, Ocean was tired. More tired than she’d ever been, as though all of her energy had leaked out when she’d come crashing down from the height of courage and confidence. Now, she simply felt beaten and spiritually bruised. If she held Baby, his tears would coax out her own ‘wasted water’ and she was so very, very tired of crying. All she wanted was some time to think, to piece things together… and thinking of her mama earlier certainly hadn’t helped things either.
“I am grateful, don’t get me wrong. I mean, if Gauge hadn’t come along when he did… Well, he literally saved my life. He’s taken care of me all these years. Sometimes, though, his temper gets a little out of hand. That’s all.”
Levi grabbed a thick piece of cloth from a hook on the wall and walked over to the fire. Wrapping the fabric around the handle of the pot, she lifted it from the tripod and carried it back to the long table that lined one wall.
“You hungry?” she asked hopefully.
Ocean shook her head silently.
“No… I don’t suppose any of us really are, huh? If Cord hadn’t come along when he did… well, I’m not sure how all this would’ve turned out.”
The mention of his name caused memories of the attack to crash against Ocean’s mind and the waves of emotion that followed made her swoon as the room grew blurry and dim.
“Hey… you okay?”
Levi’s voice sounded as muffled as if she were on the other side of the wall Ocean leaned against for support.
“Just… hot… in here. Hard to breathe.”
Levi took Ocean’s elbow gently and guided her toward the door. Her other hand pressed lightly on the young girl’s back, as if afraid she might topple at any moment.
“Come on… let’s go sit at the table. It’s cooler in there.”
As they left the kitchen the sound of Baby’s crying grew louder and inwardly Ocean cringed. She knew she should be in the nursery, that she should be rocking and singing to the little one, perhaps changing the cloth that was swaddled around his waist. But there was still something within her that demanded she take some time for herself and she found she was powerless to resist its impulses. Why the hell doesn’t Levi just go and take care of Baby? Why did she have to act like she couldn’t even hear the infant shrieking?
Levi helped Ocean onto one of the wooden chairs and then pulled one out for herself.
“Baby…” Ocean said. “Baby’s crying.”
Levi glanced at the nursery and shrugged her shoulders.