Ocean picked her way through burnt-out buildings and dilapidated walls, through labyrinths of girders and old billboards that had crashed to the ground. The smell got fainter and fainter until there was nothing more than the reek of her own body wafting up to assault her nose. In time, she came to a tangle of vehicles that blocked the road ahead. The rusted, metal frames looked as if the cars and trucks had been fused into one another; bumpers ensnarled with fenders, hoods crumpled into fractured engine blocks, a myriad of spiderweb cracks like ghosts on dust covered windshields.
Squeezing into the gap between a dented, partially open door and the side of an ambulance, Ocean squirmed across the backseat of a car, taking care that the springs poking through the tufts of stuffing didn’t rake across her skin. After baking in the sun all day, the interior of the vehicle was so hot that condensation had begun beading up on the windows and she took a moment to lick them clean; she could taste the grime from the glass coating her mouth in an oily sheen… but the liquid also soothed the sandpaper-like feeling on her tongue and, for the time being at least, relieved her gums from the pressure that made it feel as if they were attempting to squeeze her yellowed teeth right out of her head.
After slaking her thirst, she continued crawling through the maze of automobiles until she came to a car that had withstood the ravages of time relatively well. What looked to be a mound of filthy rags, were actually clothes, piled into the floorboard and a threadbare sheet was rumpled across the backseat. In the space between the seats and the rear window, a collection of small figurines had been lined up. They were all glass and almost exclusively animals: rabbits with severed ears, gouged dolphins caught in mid-leap, even a bear whose head was precariously balanced on its shattered neck. Ocean looked at them and smiled, as always.
This was her room and had been for as long as she could remember. Her father used to bring the little animals back when he’d go foraging for food and supplies and she could remember tugging at the hems of his pants, bouncing from one foot to the other, as he playfully kept the newest addition just out of reach. He’d been a good man, her father. He’d tell her stories about the way the world used to be as he tucked her in for the night, and would sing what he called one hit wonders and blasts from the past softly while puttering about their shelter.
She missed him. Sometimes so badly that it felt as though something were deep inside her, eating away all the things that made life worth living. But at least she still had Mama; even if the older woman had become more cold and distant and mean, she wasn’t entirely alone… and that somehow helped.
Ocean squirmed out the other side of her room and practically fell into a circular clearing formed in the very center of all those wrecked vehicles. A tarp had been strung overhead as long as she could remember, forming a ceiling of sorts, and the setting sun filtered through the canvas, tinting everything under it with a bluish glow.
Ocean’s mother was crouched on the far side of the clearing with her back to the girl, and her head snapped around when she heard her daughter enter.
“I’m home, Mama.”
Her mother glared at her through eyes that looked like they had receded into her skull. The older woman’s face was sharp and angular, the frown which pulled at the corners of her mouth only made those features even more defined. She said nothing, but pulled her hands tightly to her chest and angled her body even further away from the young girl.
“There’s some rotters somewhere over by the… what’s that?”
Her mother crouched lower, anger sparking within her eyes.
“Nothing,” she snapped. “Go to your room, you fuckin’ bastard.”
Ocean stepped to the side of the clearing and her mother quickly shuffled away, shielding whatever it was she clutched against her chest from her daughter’s view. Ocean craned her neck and felt curiosity warm her chest and neck.
“What is it? Is it something of Daddy’s? Did you—”
“I said it’s nothing!” The older woman was trembling now and she snarled at her daughter like one of the wolves that sometimes prowled through the city. Strands of spittle dangled from the few teeth remaining in her mouth and her nostrils flared wide.
“Go the fuck away, Ocean!”
The words and tone stung Ocean as if her mother had physically slapped her across the face. At the same time, her own brow furrowed and her body tensed; she bit her lip to keep from snapping back at her mother, but her hands balled into her fists by her side. Now, it was a matter of principle… When she felt as if she could speak calmly again, her words came out in clipped, short busts.
“You got something. What is it, Mama? What are you hiding?” Ocean continued circling around the wall of twisted metal surrounding her, stooping slightly so her head wouldn’t brush against the tarp.
“I said go the fuck away, you nosy little cunt! Mind your own damn business!”
Her mother had turned and looked as if she were seconds from pouncing. Clutched to her chest was a brown, furry body with small, dark eyes and a hairless tail tapered to a point. Her mother was now shaking so violently that tremors passed through the animal’s limp body as if it were actually still alive.
“You’ve got a rat! Where did you get a rat?”
“It’s mine, you understand? It’s fuckin’ mine.”
Her mother’s face had twisted into a gnarled mask of rage with wide eyes and small pupils. She squeezed her prize so tightly that it’s body seemed to balloon out on either side of her grip.
“Go find your own, you little brat!”
Ocean’s stomach rumbled and she found that she couldn’t take her eyes away from the creature. She studied its coarse, short hairs; the single droplet of blood congealed on wiry whiskers… the rounded ears and little black feet.
“There’s… there’s enough for both of us right? I’ll trade you something… anything. Tell me what you want.” Ocean’s mouth flooded with metallic-tasting saliva and she constantly ran her tongue over her lips as her voice quivered. “Tell me and it’s yours. Just a bite. Just a taste. Please, Mama? Just a little… “
“Fucking die! I want you to fucking die and leave me the Hell alone! It’s mine!”
The words stopped Ocean in her tracks as effectively as if she’d walked into an invisible wall. Her mouth hung open and tears welled within her eyes as she struggled to find words.
“It’s mine, mine, mine!”
Even though she felt as if everything within her had suddenly shriveled and died, Ocean still found herself unable to pull her gaze away from the dead rat. It shimmered through the tears that began to trickle from the corner of her eyes, and she swallowed painfully.
“Mama… “
“Fuck you!” The woman wrenched a piece of metal from the grill of a car and held it before her like a sword as she rose to her full height. With her other hand, she held the rat by its tail and dangled it slightly behind her body, shielding it like she would a small child from a predator. “It’s… fucking… mine!”
Spittle flew from her mouth with each word and her lips had pulled back into a sneer. Every muscle in her body looked tense, bulging against her thin skin as if trying to break free.
“Mama… I…”
Ocean watched as the rat plummeted toward the ground and for a moment struggled to make sense of what was happening. Why would Mama just drop it? Was she leaving it for her, maybe? Was she…