“But he didn’t know of this clause, did he? And I never agreed with him. He could be wrong … sometimes. His firm intention was to be revenged and revenge is wrong. There is no happiness in it.”
He was silent and I knew he wasn’t listening to me. He was thinking of all his wasted efforts. I went to him and laid a hand on his shoulder.
“What shall we do now?”
I asked.
“Shall we go back to Australia?”
He didn’t answer, but he stood up and put his arms round me.
“Nora,” he said. He repeated my name and kissed me as he never had before. It was a lover’s kiss—and I was happy.
I thought we would talk freely after that because we had made a tacit admission of our feelings; but this was not the case. Stirling was more withdrawn than he had been before. He was silent—almost morose; he went out riding alone. Once I saw him coming back, his horse sweating.
“You’ve been overworking that poor animal,” I accused, hoping he would tell me what was on his mind.
I thought I knew. He loved me, but Lynx was between us. Lynx, his father, had been my husband; and that made a strange relationship between us.
It will pass, I assured myself. What Lynx would want more than anything would be for Stirling and me to marry. We were the two he had loved best in the world; he would want us to be together. We shall call our first son Charles after him. We will never forget him. So I was unprepared for what happened next. Stirling came in one late afternoon just at dusk. Ellen had brought in the lamps and drawn the curtains and I was alone in the drawing-room. There was a strange expression on his face as though he were sleepwalking.
“I’d better tell you right away,” he said.
“I’m engaged to be married.”
I could not believe I had heard him correctly.
“I’ve just asked Minta to marry me,” he went on. I heard my voice then, cold, terse, indifferent almost.
“Oh … I see.”
“You do see, don’t you?” he said almost imploringly.
“Of course. It’s the only way to buy Whiteladies.”
“It was the only way … in view of the fact that it can’t go out of the family.”
“Congratulations,” I said harshly.
I had to get out of the room or I should rage and storm at him. I should lay bare my hopes and longings. I couldn’t stay in that room trying to speak to him calmly. So I pushed past him to the door. I sped up to my room and locked myself in.
Then I lay on my bed and stared at the Mercer’s coat of arms on the ceiling and I wished that I were dead.
How I lived through the weeks which followed I am not sure. I had to look on at Minta’s bliss. How she loved him! I could understand that.
Once she had been contented enough at the prospect of marrying Franklyn Wakefield, no doubt; and then he had come—this strong, vital Stirling who, when he wanted something, would allow no obstacle to stand in his way. Poor Minta; Did she guess why he was marrying her?
Often I wanted to tell her. I had to keep a tight control on my tongue to prevent myself shouting at her; and all the time I could feel nothing but pity for her. Poor innocent little dupe! The victim of one strange man’s desire for revenge and of another’s tenacious need to fulfill a duty. Poor innocent Minta, who believed herself loved! She was not marrying for the sake of Whiteladies even though it would now be completely restored to its old perfection. It would be a cherished house. I could imagine Stirling’s thorough assessment of the necessary repairs. No expense spared. Here comes the golden millionaire.
And what happiness would come from such a marriage, I asked myself bitterly. I was jealous, angry and humiliated. loved Stirling and I had believed he had loved me. And so he did. But his duty towards Lynx came before his love for me. A voice within me said: As your infatuation for Lynx came before your love for Stirling, remember?p>
Lynx was still with us, ruling our lives.
If I was deeply unhappy I was determined not to show it. I think I managed very well. Stirling made sure that we were rarely alone together. He spent a lot of time at Whiteladies. He was, as I guessed, making that assessment of necessary repairs and he threw himself into the task with all the ardour a normal man might have showered on his bride.
Minta came to see me and sat in the drawing-room nursing Donna. She was so happy, she said. She would tell me a secret. She had been in love with Stirling ever since we came to the Mercer’s House. No, before that really. Did I remember the occasion when we had all met for the first time? And when he came back . it seemed like fate.
Not fate, I thought, but Lynx.
“Stirling adores Whiteladies. He’ll love living there.”
It’s the only reason for his marriage, I thought grimly.
“He makes me see it differently. More as Lucie does.”
“And Lucie? Is Lucie pleased?”
She wrinkled her brows and I warmed towards Lucie, who, with her practical good sense, saw farther than Minta and her father.
“Lucie’s worried about me. I think she has the idea that I’m a child still. She taught me at school long ago and I don’t think she ever sees me as anything but one of her less bright pupils.”
So Lucie didn’t altogether approve.
“And what I wanted to say, Nora, is this: If you would like to come and live at Whiteladies there will always be a home for you there.”
Then At Whiteladies. Oh, but you don’t want your stepmother-in-law. “I heard myself giggle a little wildly.
“That absurd title. I know Stirling wants you to come.”
“Has he said so?”
“Well, of course.”
No, I thought. Never! How could I live under the same roof and see them together and think of all that should have been mine? And Stirling loved me. He knew it. Poor innocent little Minta, who did not understand the devious people who surrounded her.
“Well, I’ve grown very attached to the Mercer’s House.”
“What, that big house all to yourself! Don’t imagine we should live in each other’s pockets. Whiteladies is vast. You could have your own wing. There are the apartments which used to be my mother’s.”
“It’s good of you, Minta, but I think I’ll be better here for a while.
I may go back to Australia. “
“Please don’t say that. We should hate it … Stirling and L’ And how I hated the proprietary way in which she spoke of him. My feelings were tempestuous and I was wretchedly unhappy. But I could only feel pity for Minta.
They were married that April—just as the buds were showing on the trees and the dawn chorus was at its most joyful.
Maud had decorated the church and I had helped her, which was bitter irony. How she had chattered! She was so happy for Minta.
“If ever a girl was in love that girl is Minta,” she said. And I knew Maud was imagining herself walking down the aisle on the arm of Dr. Hunter, a bride. I could feel a great sympathy for Maud, but at least she did not have to see the man she loved married to someone else.
Right up to the wedding-day I kept assuring myself that something would happen to prevent this marriage; but the day arrived and Sir Hilary gave his daughter away and the Reverend John Mathers performed the service.
I sat and watched Stirling at the altar taking his vows to Minta. On one side of me was Lucie, on the other Franklyn. Lucie looked rather stem as though she feared for the marriage. And Franklyn? What were his feelings? He gave no indication that he suffered from seeing the girl who was surely intended for him marrying someone else. But that was characteristic of him.
The responses were over; they were signing the register; soon the wedding march would peal forth and they would come down the aisle together. It was like an evil dream.