The NICU was familiar territory to her, and she showed Liam how to scrub up at the sink and then dressed both of them in yellow paper gowns. Inside, Patty, one of the nurses she knew well, guided them over to the incubator, and Joelle sat down in the chair at the side of the plastic box.
“She’s bigger than I expected,” she said, smiling at the tiny infant, who had a ventilator tube coming from her mouth and too many leads to count taped to her little body.
“Bigger?” Liam asked in surprise.
“I’ve seen a lot of babies smaller than her in here,” she said.
Patty brought a chair for Liam, setting it on the opposite side of the incubator, then she came around to Joelle’s side and rested a hand on her shoulder.
“She looks good, Joelle,” she said. “You know the next couple of days will be critical, but you have every reason to hope for the best.”
Joelle smiled up at her, then returned her attention to her baby as the nurse walked away.
“Can we touch her?” Liam asked.
“I was just about to.” She reached through one of the portals on her side of the incubator, and Liam reached through his. Joelle smoothed her fingertips over her daughter’s tiny arm. It was like touching feathers. She watched Liam touch the little hand and the baby wrapped her tiny, perfect fingers around his fingertip.
“Have you thought of a name?” Liam asked. His voice sounded thick.
She didn’t answer right away. She had, actually, but it had been a fantasy name, one she could never use because it meant combining her name with Liam’s, and although he had been with her all night and all morning, she didn’t yet trust this change in him.
“You have, haven’t you?” He looked at her quizzically, and she knew her hesitancy had given her away.
“Yes, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”
“What is it?”
“Joli,” she said, looking across the incubator at him, and he broke into a grin.
“I was going to suggest that,” he said.
“Really?” She laughed.
“Did I hear you just name her?” Patty had been working behind Joelle, and now she moved closer to the incubator, pulling the little name card from the plastic holder in the front of the box and withdrawing a marker from her pocket.
Joelle grimaced at Liam. She hadn’t realized the nurse had been close enough to hear.
“We’re naming her Joli,” Liam said firmly. “J-O-L-I. It’s a combination of our names.”
Patty cocked her head at him quizzically. “Are you…?” Her eyes were wide, and she didn’t finish her sentence.
“That’s right,” Liam said with a smile. “I’m this baby’s father.”
40
CARLYNN RESTED HER HEAD AGAINST QUINN’S SHOULDER. THEY were in their bed at the mansion, and the night was so clear that she could see the stars through the window from where she lay. She’d returned from the hospital a couple of hours ago, exhausted after spending much of the evening visiting Joelle and her new baby. So far, things looked good for that little one. Carlynn had touched her through the portals of the incubator, but only to stroke her twiglike arm. She told Joelle that her touch was no more mystical than her own. And she told her much, much more.
“You’ve wanted to tell her everything from the start, haven’t you?” Quinn asked her now.
“Yes, and I’m not sure why,” Carlynn said. “I remember my sister saying she felt drawn to Joelle when she was an infant, and I felt drawn to her, too.” She tapped her fingers against Quinn’s bare chest. “Are you worried that I told her?” she asked.
Quinn chuckled, and she loved how the sound resonated through his body beneath her ear. “I’m an old man,” he said. “You know I stopped worrying years ago. Just don’t tell Alan that you told her.” He hesitated. “Did you tell her about Mary, too?”
“I had to,” Carlynn said. “When I told her the truth about us, she said she felt sorry for Alan, so I just had to tell her that Alan has had a wonderful soul mate and lover for the past fifteen years. I think that shocked her more than anything.” Carlynn smiled at the memory of Joelle’s response.
“I thought Mary was a housekeeper,” Joelle had said, stunned. “And I thought Quinn was a gardener.”
They were quiet for a moment. Carlynn watched the light of a plane move slowly across the dark sky until it disappeared behind the frame of the window. She had never felt so tired, and she knew her exhaustion marked a change in her body. She had so few nights left to sleep next to her husband.
“Do you regret our ruse?” Quinn surprised her with the question, and she lifted her head to look at him.
“In more than twenty years, you’ve never asked me that,” she said.
“I think I was afraid of the answer,” Quinn said, stroking her arm with his hand. “I knew you felt coerced in the beginning. Alan and I were operating out of grief and madness, I think, and you had no real choice but to go along with it.”
“Well, I sure regretted having to give up sailing,” she said with a laugh. That had been a true sacrifice for her. Everyone knew the real Carlynn never would have sailed.
“You’re making light of it—” Quinn squeezed her shoulders “—but I know that was a great loss for you.”
She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder again. “It’s hard for me to regret the ruse when I think about the center.”
“We’ve done a lot of good there,” Quinn agreed.
She and Alan and Quinn had won numerous awards over the years for their research into the phenomenon of healing.
“But Lisbeth died when Carlynn did, Quinn,” she said quietly, “and that was doubly excruciating for me. The new Carlynn, the person I became, the person I am now, is neither of those women, really. And I think you know that I was never completely comfortable with the deception.” She lifted her head to study his face again. “I didn’t want to die that way,” she said. “Feeling as though my life had been a lie. I had to truly heal someone before I died, make a difference in someone’s life. Does that make sense to you? I needed to finish what Carlynn started when she saved that baby’s life.”
“It makes perfect sense,” he said.
She thought of what else she regretted.
“At first,” she said, “it bothered me a great deal that we weren’t able to have a normal sort of marriage.”
“Me, too,” Quinn agreed. He was quiet for a moment. “But it’s been okay, hasn’t it?” There was an edge of worry in his voice.
“Much more than okay,” she agreed. “I think that’s why I wanted to help Joelle and Liam so badly. They reminded me of us.”
“How’s that?” Quinn sounded puzzled.
“They love each other, but they can only be married in their hearts,” she said. “Like you and me. Oh, we’re married, yes, but no one knows that but us. And over the years, I came to realize that no one else ever needed to know about that bond for it to be real.”
He lifted her chin with his hand to give her a kiss on the lips. “I love you, baby,” he said.
“I love you, too.”
“And I have an idea.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Tomorrow—” he smiled “—I’m taking you sailing.”