"You're sure it wasn't you, counting up males and females and making sure we came out even?"
"The Oversoul sent you that dream."
"The sad thing is," said Shedemei, "that except for you there's not a one of us that's a proven reproducer. For all you know, you've set up one of these men with a sterile wife. Or perhaps you've put one of us women with a sterile husband."
Rasa's anger was beginning to turn from cold to hot now. "I told you, it wasn't my choice… Luet had a vision, too, and—"
"Are you going to set the example? Are you going to have more children, Aunt Rasa?"
Rasa seemed completely nonplussed. "Me? At my age?"
"You've still got a few good eggs in you. I know you haven't reached menopause, because you're flowing now."
Rasa looked at her in consternation. "Why don't I just lie down under one of your microscopes?"
"You'd never fit. I'd have to slice you razor thin."
"Sometimes I feel as if you already had."
"Rasa, you make us stop several times a day. I know you have better bladder control than that. We all know you're shedding the tears of the moon."
Rasa raised her eyebrows briefly, a sort of facial shrug. "More children indeed."
"I think you must. To set an example for all of us," said Shedemei. "Don't you understand that we're not just taking a trip. We're a colony. The first priority of colonists is reproduction. Anyone who isn't having babies is next to worthless. And no matter how envious Elemak is of your authority, you are the leader of the women here. You must set the pattern for us all. If you are willing to get pregnant during this trip, the others will fall into line, particularly since their husbands will feel the need to demonstrate that they can get a woman just as pregnant as old Wetchik can."
"He's not Wetchik anymore," said Rasa irrelevantly. "He's Volemak."
"He can still perform, can't he?"
"Really, Shedemei, is there anything you won't ask? Would you like us to provide stool samples for you next?"
"Before this journey is over I imagine I'll be looking at samples of almost everything. I'm the closest thing to a physician we have."
Rasa suddenly chuckled. "I can just see Elemak bringing you a semen sample."
Shedemei had to laugh, too, at the very idea of asking him. Such an assault on his dignity as leader of the caravan!
They rode together in silence for a few minutes. Then Rasa spoke. "Will you do it?" she asked.
"Do what?"
"Marry Zdorab?"
"Who?"
"The librarian, Zdorab."
"Marry him," sighed Shedemei. "I never meant to marry anyone."
"Marry him and have his babies."
"Oh, I suppose I will," said Shedemei. "But not if we live under baboon law."
"Baboon law!"
"Like Basilica—with a competition for new mates every year. I'll take this middle-aged man that I've never seen, I'll let him bed me, I'll bear his children, I'll raise them with him—but not if I have to fight to keep him. Not if I have to watch him court Eiadh or Hushidh or Dolya or—or Kokor— every time our marriage contract is about to expire, and then come crawling back to me and ask me to renew his contract for another year only because none of the truly desirable women would have him."
Rasa nodded. "I see now what you were trying to say before. It wasn't about Kokor's infidelity, it was about the customs we all grew up with."
"Exactly," said Shedemei. "We're too small a group to keep the old marriage customs of Basilica."
"It's really just a matter of scale, isn't it," said Rasa. "In the city when a woman doesn't renew a man, or when he doesn't ask, you can avoid each other for a while until the pain wears off. You can find someone else, because there are so many thousands to choose from. But we'll have exactly sixteen people. Eight men, eight women. It would be unbearable."
"Some would want to kill, the way Kokor tried to do," said Shedemei. "And others would wish to die."
"You're right, you're right, you're right," murmured Rasa, thinking aloud now, it seemed. "But we can't tell them now. Some of them would turn back—desert or no desert, bandits or no bandits. Lifelong monogamy—why, I doubt that Sevet and Kokor have ever been faithful for a whole week. And Meb hadn't married till now for the good reason that he has no intention of being faithful but lacks my daughters' ability to behave with complete dishonesty. And now we're going to tell them that they must remain faithful. No one-year contracts, no chance to change."
"They're not going to like it."
"So we won't tell them until we're at Volemak's camp. When it's far too late for them to turn back."
Shedemei could hardly believe she had heard Rasa say such a thing. Still, she answered mildly. "Except it occurs to me," she said, "that if they want to turn back, perhaps we should let them. They're free people, aren't they?"
Rasa turned fiercely to her. "No, they aren't," she said. "They were free until they made the choices that brought them here, but now they're not free because our colony, our journey can't succeed without them."
"You're so certain you can hold people to their commitments," murmured Shedemei. "No one's ever made them do that before. Can you now?"
"It's not just for the sake of the expedition," said Rasa. "It's for their own good. The Oversoul has made it clear that Basilica is going to be destroyed—and them with it, if they're still there when the time comes. We're saving their lives. But the ones most likely to turn back are also the ones least likely to believe in the visions the Oversoul has shown us. So to save their lives we must—"
"Deceive them?"
"Withhold some explanations until later."
"Because you know so much better than they do what's good for them?"
"Yes," said Rasa. "Yes, I do."
It infuriated Shedemei. All that Rasa had said was true enough, but it didn't change Shedemei's conviction that people had the right to choose even their own destruction, if they wanted. Maybe that was another luxury of living in Basilica, having the right to destroy yourself through your own stupidity or shortsightedness, but if so it was a luxury that Shedemei was not yet ready to give up. It was one thing to tell people that faithful monogamy was one of the conditions of staying with the group. Then they could choose whether to stay and obey or leave and live by another rule. But to lie to them until it was too late to choose … it wasfreedom that was at stake here, and it was freedom that made survival worthwhile. "Aunt Rasa," said Shedemei, "you are not the Oversoul."
And with that remark, Shedemei urged her camel to move faster, leaving Rasa behind her. Not that Shedemei had anything more she could have said. But she was too angry to stay there; the idea of quarreling with Aunt Rasa was unbearable. Shedemei hated to argue with anyone. It always set her to brooding for days. And she had enough to brood about as it was.
Zdorab. What kind of man becomes an archivist for a power-hungry killer like Gaballufix? What kind of man lets a boy like Nafai manipulate him into betraying his trust, giving up the precious Index, and then follows the thief right out of the city? What kind of man then lets Nafai wrestle him into submission and extract an oath from him to go out into the desert and never see Basilica again?
Shedemei knew exactly what kind of man: a tedious stupid weakling. A shy dull-witted coward who will formally ask my permission before each of his studious attempts to impregnate me. A man who will neither take nor give joy in our marriage. A man who will wish he had married any one of the other women here rather than me, but who will stay with me only because he knows that none of them would have him.