‘Well, things in general… she’s angry with you for not having visited them for so long. She wants to see you and discover the reasons for this sudden cooling off towards their house. You used to go there every day and then – well, I ask you! It’s as if you’d simply cut them off… and you don’t even bow when you meet them…’
‘That’s nonsense, Screwy. In fact, I stopped visiting the Kalinins as I didn’t have the time. The truth is the truth. My relationship with that family is as excellent as ever. I always bow if I happen to meet one of them.’
‘But when you met her father last Thursday, for some reason you didn’t think it necessary to acknowledge his greeting.’
‘I don’t care for that blockhead of a JP,’ I replied, ‘and I just can’t look at his ugly mug calmly. All the same, I still have the strength to bow to him and shake his outstretched hand. I probably didn’t notice him last Thursday, or I didn’t recognize him. You’re not yourself today, Screwy, and you keep picking on me.’
‘I’m fond of you, dear chap,’ Pavel Ivanovich sighed, ‘but I don’t believe you. “Didn’t notice, didn’t recognize…” – I need neither your explanations nor your excuses. What’s the point of them if there’s so little truth in them? You’re a splendid, fine fellow, but in your sick brain there’s some section which, I’m sorry to say, is capable of any mean trick.’
‘My most humble thanks.’
‘Now don’t get angry, dear chap. I hope to God that I’ve made a mistake, but you strike me as something of a psychopath. Sometimes, against your better judgement and the general tenor of your fine nature, you suddenly have such cravings, you act so wildly that everyone who knows you as a respectable man is completely baffled. It’s simply staggering how those lofty moral principles of yours, with which I have the honour to be acquainted, can coexist with these sudden urges that culminate in such blatant abominations! What kind of animal is this?’ Pavel Ivanovich suddenly asked the stall-keeper in a completely different tone of voice as he raised to his eyes a wooden creature with human nose, a mane and grey stripes down its back.
‘It’s a lion,’ yawned the stall-keeper. ‘But it could be some other animal. Damned if I know!’
From the toy stalls we went to the textile stalls, where business was already in full swing.
‘Those toys only mislead children,’ observed the doctor. ‘They give the most distorted ideas about flora and fauna. That lion, for example. It’s striped, it’s purple and it squeaks. Whoever heard of squeaking lions?!’
‘Listen, Screwy,’ I said. ‘It’s obvious that you’ve something to tell me, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Out with it! I enjoy listening to you, even when you say unpleasant things!’
‘Whether it’s pleasant or not, old boy, you must listen. There’s a lot I have to tell you.’
‘Fire away… I’m turning into one enormous ear.’
‘I’ve already told you that I suspect you’re a psychopath. Now, would you care to hear the evidence? I shall express myself frankly and perhaps rather harshly at times. My words will jar on you, but please don’t get angry, old chap. You know how I feel towards you – I’m fonder of you than anyone else in the district and I respect you. I’m telling you this not by way of reproach or criticism, or even to hurt you. Let’s both be objective, old man. Let’s examine your psyche with an impartial eye, as if it were the liver or stomach.’
‘Fine, let’s be objective,’ I agreed.
‘Excellent. So, let’s begin with your relationship with the Kalinins. If you care to consult your memory, it will tell you that you started visiting the Kalinins immediately on your arrival in our blessed district. They did not seek your acquaintance. From the start, the JP didn’t take to you because of your arrogant look, your sarcastic tone and your friendship with that raffish Count – and you would never have been invited there if you yourself hadn’t first paid them a visit. Do you remember? You got to know Nadezhda Nikolayevna and started going to the JP’s house almost every day. Whenever I visited the house you were invariably there… They gave you the warmest of welcomes. Those people were as nice as pie to you… both the father and mother, and the little sisters. They grew attached to you, as if you were one of the family. They were in raptures over you, they pampered you, they went into fits of laughter over your feeblest joke. For them you were the very paragon of wit, high-mindedness, gentlemanliness. You seemed to be aware of this and you repaid attachment with attachment – you used to go there every single day, even on the eve of church festivals when they were busy cleaning and up to their eyes in preparations. Finally, the ill-fated love you aroused in Nadenka is no secret to you – isn’t that so? Knowing full well that she was head over heels in love with you, you went there day after day. And what then, old man? A year ago, for no earthly reason, you suddenly stopped visiting them. They waited a week, a month – they’re still waiting, but you never turn up. They write to you, but you don’t reply. Finally, you don’t even send them your regards. For someone like you, who attaches so much importance to etiquette, your behaviour must appear the height of rudeness! What prompted you to steer clear of the Kalinins, so abruptly, so dramatically? Had they offended you? Did you get bored with them? In that case you could have broken away gradually, not in that insultingly brusque, quite uncalled-for manner.’
‘So, I’ve stopped visiting them,’ I laughed, ‘and therefore I’ve joined the ranks of psychopaths! How naïve you are, Screwy! Isn’t it all the same whether one ends a friendship suddenly or gradually? It’s even more honest if you make a clean break – it’s not so hypocritical. But all this is so trivial!’
‘Let’s admit it’s all very trivial, or that some hidden reasons that are no concern of an outside observer compelled you to cold-shoulder them so abruptly. But how can one explain this latest action of yours?’
‘What, for instance?’
‘For instance, one day you turned up at a local government meeting – I don’t know what business you had there – and when the chairman asked why you were no longer to be seen at the Kalinins you replied – just try and remember what you said! – “I’m scared of being married off!” That’s what slipped off your tongue! And you said this during a meeting, loud and clear, so that all hundred members in the room could hear you. Your remark met with laughter and obscene jokes about fishing for husbands. Some rotter catches up your words, goes to the Kalinins and repeats them to Nadezhda while they are all having dinner. Why all these insults, Sergey Petrovich?’
Pavel Ivanovich barred my way, planting himself in front of me and continuing to stare into my face with imploring, almost tearful eyes.
‘Why such insults? For what? Because this fine girl loves you? Let’s admit that her father – like every father – has designs on you. Like a good father he has everyone in his sights – you, me, Markuzin… All parents are alike. There’s no doubt that she was head over heels with you and perhaps hoping to become your wife. So why give her such a resounding slap in the face? Weren’t you responsible for these designs on your person? You went there every day – ordinary visitors don’t call so frequently. During the day you went fishing with her, in the evening you strolled in the garden, jealously keeping your little tête-à-têtes a secret. You discovered that she loved you – and you didn’t alter your behaviour one little bit! After that, could anyone have doubted your intentions? I was convinced that you would marry her! And you… you complained, you laughed. What for? What has she done to you?’
‘Don’t shout, Screwy, people are looking,’ I said, walking around Pavel Ivanovich. ‘Let’s finish this conversation, old man, it’s all old women’s talk. But I’ll just say a few things – and then I don’t want to hear any more from you! I used to visit the Kalinins because I was bored and because I was interested in Nadenka. She’s a fascinating girl. Perhaps I might even have married her, but when I found out that you preceded me as aspirant for her heart, that you were not indifferent towards her, I decided to retire from the scene. It would have been cruel on my part to have cramped the style of such a splendid chap as you!’