Olga’s eyes told me that she didn’t understand. Meanwhile, time did not stand still and ran its course, so that now it was impossible to stay in the avenue a moment longer, while they were waiting for us back there. A decision had to be made. I pressed the ‘girl in red’ to me (she was virtually my wife now) and at the time it struck me that I really did love her, that I loved her with a husband’s love, that she was mine and that her fate rested on my conscience. I could see that I was bound up with that creature for ever, irrevocably.
‘Listen to me, my darling, my treasure!’ I said. ‘This is a bold step. It will set us at loggerheads with our close friends, it will bring down on our heads a thousand reproaches and tearful complaints. It might even ruin my career, cause me thousands of insurmountable vexations! But it’s all decided, my darling. You will be my wife. I couldn’t ask for a better one and all those other women can go to hell! I shall make you happy, I’ll look after you, like the apple of my eye, as long as I live. I’ll educate you, make a woman of you. This I promise you – here is my honest hand on it!’
I spoke with genuine enthusiasm, with feeling, like a jeune premier43 acting the most dramatic part of his role. I spoke beautifully – and as if to emphasize my words a female eagle flying over our heads touched me with its wings. My Olya took my outstretched hand, held it in her tiny hands and tenderly kissed it. But it wasn’t a sign of consent: the stupid little face of that unworldly woman, who had never heard speeches before, expressed only bewilderment. Still she didn’t understand me.
‘You say that I should come to your place,’ she said, thinking hard. ‘I don’t quite understand you. Surely you realize what he would have to say about it?’
‘And how does what he would have to say concern you?’
‘Concern me? No, Seryozha, you’d better not say any more. You must stop this, please! You love me and I need nothing more. With a love like yours I could live in hell…’
‘But what will you do, you silly little girl?’
‘I shall go on living here and you can ride over every day! I shall come out of the house to meet you.’
‘I can’t imagine that kind of life without shivers running up and down my spine! At night there’ll be him; during the day – me No, it’s impossible, Olya. I love you so much now that… I’m even madly jealous… I didn’t suspect for one moment that I was capable of such feelings.’
Such indiscretion! There I was, holding her around the waist and she was tenderly stroking my hand when at any moment someone might come down the avenue and see us.
‘Let’s go,’ I said, taking my hands away. ‘Put your coat on and let’s go.’
‘But you’re in such a hurry,’ she murmured tearfully. ‘You’re hurrying as if you’re rushing to a fire… And God only knows what you’ve thought up! Running away right after my wedding! What will people say!’
And Olenka shrugged her shoulders. Her face was filled with such consternation, amazement and incomprehension that I gave everything up as hopeless and postponed my decision regarding this question of vital importance for her until the next time. Besides, there was no time to continue our conversation – as we went up the stone steps of the terrace we could hear people talking. Olenka tidied her hair at the dining-room door, checked her dress and went in. Her face showed no sign of embarrassment. Contrary to what I was expecting, she made a really brave entry.
‘Gentlemen! I’ve brought you back the fugitive!’ I announced, entering and taking my place at the table. ‘I had great difficulty finding her… I’m absolutely exhausted. I went into the garden and looked around – and there she was, strolling down the avenue, if you please! “What are you doing here?” I asked. “Well, it’s so stuffy in there!” she replied.’
She glanced at me, at the guests, at her husband and burst out laughing. Suddenly she felt amused, high-spirited. In her face I could read her longing to share the happiness that had come her way with all the company of diners. Unable to express it in words, she poured it out in her laughter.
‘How ridiculous I am!’ she said. ‘Here I am laughing and I myself don’t know the reason. Count, will you please laugh!’
‘It’s so sad!’ Kalinin shouted.
Urbenin coughed and looked quizzically at Olenka.
‘Well?’ she asked with a fleeting frown.
‘They keep shouting “It’s so sad”,’ Urbenin said as he got up, smirking and wiping his lips with his napkin.
Olenka stood up and let him kiss her motionless lips. It was an impersonal kiss, but it only kindled all the more the fire that was smouldering in my breast and threatening to burst into flames any moment. I turned away, pressed my lips together and waited for the dinner to finish. Fortunately the end came quickly, otherwise I could have stood it no longer.
‘Come here!’ I said rudely, going over to the Count after the dinner.
The Count looked at me in amazement and followed me into the empty room where I led him.
‘What do you want, old chap?’ he said, unbuttoning his waistcoat and belching.
‘You must choose one of us,’ I replied, barely able to stand from the anger that gripped me. ‘It’s either me or Pshekhotsky! If you don’t promise me that this scoundrel will be out of your estate within the hour I shall never set foot here again! I give you thirty seconds to reply!’
The Count let his cigar fall from his mouth and spread his arms out.
‘What’s the matter, Seryozha?’ he asked, opening his eyes wide. ‘You look terrible!’
‘Please don’t beat about the bush! I can’t stand that spy, that scoundrel, that rotter, that friend of yours – Pshekhotsky – and for the sake of our good relations I insist he clears out immediately!’
‘But what’s he done to you?’ the Count asked, greatly alarmed. ‘Why are you attacking him like this?’
‘I’m asking you: either me or him.’
‘But my dear chap, you’re putting me in an awfully ticklish position… wait, there’s a little feather on your coat… You’re asking me the impossible!’
‘Goodbye,’ I said. ‘You’re no longer a friend of mine.’
Turning sharply on my heels I went into the hall, put on my overcoat and hurried out of the house. As I was crossing the garden and making my way towards the servants’ kitchen, where I wanted to give orders for my horse to be saddled, something made me stop. Nadezhda Kalinin was coming towards me with a small cup of coffee in her hand. She too had been at Urbenin’s wedding, but some vague fear made me avoid conversation with her and the whole day I hadn’t once gone up to her or said a single word.
‘Sergey Petrovich,’ she said in an unnaturally low voice as I passed her and slightly raised my hat. ‘Stop!’
‘What do you want?’ I asked, going up to her.
‘I don’t want anything… you’re not my lackey,’ she said, staring at me and turning terribly pale. ‘You’re in a hurry to get somewhere. However, if you’re not too rushed, may I detain you for a moment?’
‘Of course… you don’t have to ask!’
‘In that case let’s sit down. You, Sergey Petrovich,’ she continued after we had sat down, ‘constantly ignored me all day long, you avoided me like the plague. So, just today I decided to have things out with you. I’m proud and selfish… I don’t want to thrust a meeting like this on you, but for once in my life I can sacrifice my pride.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Today I decided to ask you… it’s such a difficult, humiliating question for me… I don’t know how to put it. You don’t even look at me when you reply! Don’t you feel sorry for me, Sergey Petrovich?’
Nadya looked at me and feebly shook her head. Her face turned even paler, her upper lip trembled and twisted.