My tranquility was interrupted when an arm looped through mine. A woman’s petite body snuggled next to me and I heard a voice I thought I’d never ever hear again. My body stiffened and I feared my heart was going to burst through my chest.
“Bernadette?” I asked in a foolish whisper.
“Winston, isn’t Thomas the world’s cutest kid? God, I love him so much.”
I opened my eyes, shocked to find Bernadette cuddled up against me. She laid her head on my shoulder and squeezed my arm affectionately.
“I think he takes after you more than he does me.”
“Bernie? Oh Jesus, Bernie? Are you really alive? I’ve got to be dreaming. This is insane! You can’t be alive. I saw your body the day… the day you were killed.”
But she was alive. I even smelt her perfume.
“Oh, baby, I don’t how how it happened, but you’ve come back to me. This is a freaking miracle! This whole day has been some kind of surreal thing, but this… this is more than I could’ve ever imagined.”
My hands swarmed into her thick curly hair and I kissed her face passionately as tears rained from my eyes. I held her in the longest embrace ever in our time together.
“I’m sorry, darling,” I remarked, as I pulled back and dabbed at the tear stains I left on her face. “It’s just that I missed you so much. My God, I can’t believe you’re here. Oh, man, there is so much I have to tell you… I… Bernadette?”
She wasn’t even paying attention to me. Her hazel eyes gazed past me.
“Babe, hey… what’s going on? Don’t you see me?”
She ran over to the park carousel. Bernadette wore the same purple colored warm-up suit she had on the day she was killed, but she looked better than I ever remembered. Her reddish brown complexion was incredibly radiant.
With her hands on her knees she leaned over the carousel. “Do you need any help, Thomas? Oh never mind, you’re doing fine… and you’ve found yourself a little friend… look at that… go, baby! Wheeee!”
I didn’t see Thomas on the carousel.
I did see Angel on it, clapping her hands and laughing with a child’s delight with this unseen entity that was supposed to be Thomas. The carousel moved slowly then increased in speed, but no one was pushing it.
“Go, Thomas!” Bernadette cried, laughing and applauding. “Isn’t this fun?” Bernadette glanced back at me. “Oh, Winston, look at our baby boy. Can you believe he’ll be six soon?”
I ran over and stood next to Bernadette wrapping my arm around her. Her eyes fixed on the spinning carousel. After all the tears, the prayers, and even my thoughts of suicide, Bernadette was back, but she acted as if I didn’t even exist.
“Bernadette, baby, talk to me… I’m trying to figure out what’s going on here.”
My words got lost in the morning air.
Bernadette raced to the slides, got down on her knees and waited at the bottom for this invisible entity to come down. This was crazy.
I gave up on trying to talk and just watched. Her eyes traveled to one of the swings and the swing swung back and forth. Angel climbed into the other swing and swung along with the invisible Thomas. Bernadette folded her arms and embraced herself. She seemed captivated by the scene as she beamed with pride.
“Don’t push him too hard, Winston. I don’t want him to fall and hurt himself… okay, I’ll be quiet… it’s a boy thing, right? You guys have got it under control. You don’t need me bugging you. I’m just so happy to be with my family.”
I saw a longing, wistful expression on her face as she gazed at the animated playground. Then it finally struck me. She was watching Thomas and me playing together. It was like a recreation of our time together the other morning.
As if she heard my thoughts, she turned and our eyes locked. My body trembled as she moved into my arms and tenderly caressed my face. I wanted to comment, but I was at a loss. No words could describe how much love I saw reflected in her eyes. A merciful feeling of absolution washed over me.
Her eyes held me captive when she said, “Winston, you are loved more than you will ever know. I am always here with you. Please take care of our son.”
Gazing deeply into her eyes, the greens and browns swirled like a kaleidoscope. I was completely entranced, but somehow managed to say, “I will, Bernadette, I promise. But there’s so much more we need to talk about.”
She smiled sadly and faded away.
Suddenly, I was back in the real world, confronted by my swollen eyes and perplexed expression in the musician’s black shades. He released my hand.
I didn’t know what to say. My headache, nausea, and aches and pains I’d been feeling for days vanished. Still, I was confused. I asked again, “Who are you, man?”
He rested his horn in his lap. “Winston, I am your past, your present, and your future.”
I never told him my name.
“So what does that mean? Are you God?”
He fiddled with his trumpet keys. “No.”
“Well, you’re no ordinary man. Who are you?”
“I am sometimes known as the messenger.”
“You mean like an angel… a guardian angel?”
He smiled. “You already saw your guardian angel.”
“Bernadette?”
The only response I got was the sound of waves crashing against the shore.
“This is insane, man. Impossible!”
“Nothing is impossible, Winston.”
We stood up and shook hands, his immense one engulfing mine. I experienced that warm soothing sensation again. I watched him slowly saunter through the fog’s drizzle toward the ocean. In another life, he might have been a prince or a warrior because each step was as pronounced as his speech.
Once he reached the shore, he raised his horn aloft and suddenly this titanic man levitated into the air and floated over the waters as a feather swept into the currents of an ocean breeze.
Deep over the ocean, he alighted on top of the water and stood there, as comfortably as I stood on the sand. I squinted to make out his image in the fog. At that distance, the chiaroscuro effect of the light emanating from his body made him appear as if he were encapsulated inside a tiny orb.
“Do you believe in all the possibilities of life now, Winston?” What should have been a yell traveled to me as a whisper.
“Yes.”
“Do you?” he repeated.
Before I could answer, I found myself standing beside him in the middle of the goddamn ocean! The day was crystal clear and from my new vantage point, I saw a coastline consumed by fog.
“Oh shit! I mean, oh Lord… yes I believe you, okay? Cool? I got it — nothing is impossible!”
He crossed his arms as he admiringly surveyed his surroundings. “This is one of the places where I find serenity. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Y-y-yes,” I said, shivering, as sheets of ice-cold water lapped over my shoes. “Listen, I don’t think I can do this any longer. I can’t swim.”
“I would never let you drown, Winston.”
The water rose up to my knees. I was determined not to panic despite my heart pounding furiously. I didn’t get unnerved until I looked around and the messenger vanished. I started dog paddling as I rapidly sank into the water.
“Enjoy your life, Winston,” he whispered into my ear in a voice as low as rumbling thunder. Then a shrill horn blast nearly tore my ears apart.
A second later, I found myself in a most undignified position straddling the top of the monkey bars. I managed to pry my fingers off and hopped to the ground. My pants were soaked, but I didn’t care. I was grateful to be safely on land. I looked around for Angel, but was not surprised to see she was gone, too. The fog dissipated and the radiant sun shone even brighter than I remembered. Tons of people milled around the Venice Boardwalk with vendors and entertainers doing their thing.