“Thank you. It’s the dress.”
“If you were to ask me I should say it is what is inside the dress.”
His fingers crept up to the bare flesh of my neck and I felt a shiver run through me. He was aware of it.
“You are very young, Lenore,” he said. “Just a little girl, in fact.”
”I shall soon be sixteen.”
“Dear me! What a great age! Sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Or have you?”
He was whirling me round at a great speed. I loved to dance. I used to dance with Julia. Miss Logan was teaching her. I imagined that when the season grew nearer she would have a real dancing master or mistress. Dancing was one of the social graces at which one must be proficient when coming out. I joined in the lessons to give Julia a partner and I always enjoyed the session. But I was not really enjoying this. Charles seemed quite different from the young man whom I had known before. I had always thought I was far beneath his notice.
We were passing a door and as we came level with it his grip tightened about my waist and he swung me out of the ballroom … all along the corridor.
I gasped: “What are you doing? Where are you taking me?”
“Patience,” he sang out.
He opened a door and we were in a small room where the maids did the flowers every day. There was a sink and a tap. It was very cold and dark. I suddenly felt his lips on mine and I had rarely been so horrified.
“Let me go,” I shouted.
“Why should I?”
“I didn’t know …”
“You know. I think you are rather pretty. You’re a babe, but babes can be taught and there are a lot of things I can teach you.”
“I … I don’t think I want to hear them. I want to go back to the ballroom. I have to make sure the Barkers get supper.”
“The Barkers can take care of themselves for a while. Come on, Lenore. What’s the matter? You know I like you, don’t you?”
”I am sure you don’t,” I said.’ ‘You’ve always despised me.”
“I never despise pretty girls,” he said, attempting to insert his fingers into the neck of my dress.
“How dare you!” I cried. “I am going … now.”
He barred the way. “Now come on. You can’t tease me like this. I don’t like girls who tease.”
“And I don’t like people who force themselves on others.”
“Oh, you are a haughty piece, are you not?”
“I am myself and I choose people I shall talk to.”
“You little bastard,” he said.
I caught my breath and he laughed sneeringly. “Why so shocked? It’s what you are. Why we have you in the house I don’t know. Giving yourself airs … can’t accept a friendly kiss … after leading me on.”
I was silent with rage and astonishment.
He could not see my face because it was dark. He said in a more gentle tone: “Don’t be silly, Lenore. I like you. You ought to be pleased about that. But of course you are. I’m going to give you a good time. We’re going to be friends. This is just a beginning. It’s a pity you sleep near your grandmother. Do you think the old lady would hear if I came up quietly?”
I cried out: “I cannot understand why you are talking to me like this.”
“Because you’re growing into an attractive girl and it is time you realized what good fun attractive girls can have.”
My anger was turning cold. I knew that he was implying that because of my lowly and less than respectable birth I should welcome the attentions of the son of the house. I had never liked him. Now I hated him.
“Please understand that I want to go at once and that I will have no more of this kind of behaviour.”
“Oh, she is haughty, is she? Whom do you imagine you are? French scum … that’s what you are. And because I want to be kind to you … show you what a gentleman can do for you … you give yourself airs.”
“The trouble is that you are not a gentleman.”
He gripped my arm roughly. “Listen to me, my girl. All I want from you is a bit of fun. That’s what girls like you are meant for. You’ve no right in this house. Your grandmother may work for us but that does not mean that you can play the haughty lady … not unless you earn the right. Come on, Lenore, I’m lolling you I like you. Give me a kiss. There’s a lot I can show you.”
I was in a panic. I was alone with him in this dark cubbyhole. I brought up my hand sharply and hit him in the face. I had taken him by surprise and I heard his gasp of astonishment as he released me. I lost no time in slipping past him. I dashed out into the corridor. I did not stop running for I felt he might come after me. I sped up to my bedroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. My face was flushed and my hair in disorder. I washed in cold water and was relieved to see that the red marks on my arms were beginning to disappear. I combed my hair with shaking fingers; but already I was feeling calmer.
Perhaps he had drunk too much claret cup. I could not believe that he really liked me. He felt towards me as he did towards the maids who tittered when he glanced their way and looked secretive as though there was some special understanding between them. He wished to treat me as he treated them.
I was very frightened but I must return to the ballroom for I should be missed. The party was not so large that absentees could fail to be noticed for long. I went down and slipped into the ballroom. No one looked at me in surprise. The Barkers were still alone. I went over to them.
“Did you enjoy your dance?” asked Mrs. Barker.
I smiled vaguely and asked if they would like to go in to supper.
As I conducted them to the dining room, I saw Charles. He was talking to Amelia Barrington, one of the daughters of our nearest neighbours. He looked right through me as though he did not see me.
“A fine room,” Mr. Barker was saying. “There’s a sign of damp up there. That wants looking into.”
Philip joined us with Cassie. Cassie looked a little tired. She would be glad when this was over. It must be rather sad to sit and watch the dancing without joining in. Philip talked to Mr. Barker—or rather allowed him to talk and seemed quite interested in the building trade, or perhaps he was just being polite.
He told me afterwards that he had a lot of sympathy for those people who were dedicated to their work. It was exactly how he felt about silk.
I lived through the rest of the evening in a daze. I could not get that unpleasant encounter with Charles out of my mind.
When I finally retired Grand’mere came in to talk to me. She sat on the edge of my bed in her silk wrap which, because she had made it herself, was the essence of elegance.
“And what happened?” she asked. “Did you dance?”
“A little. Mr. Barker doesn’t dance and I had to look after them.”
“Did you dance with Mr. Aldringham?”
“No … he was with Julia quite a lot.”
She looked disappointed.
“I danced with Philip just after supper, which I had with him and Cassie and the Barkers.”
Grand’mere did not look very pleased. She said: “You are tired. You must go to sleep.”
It was not so much that I wanted to sleep as to be alone to think over the evening, which meant that unpleasant encounter with Charles.
Grand’mere was disappointed. The young girl after her first ball should have been filled with excitement, bursting with the need to talk of the thrilling evening. And all I could do was think about those terrifying moments in the cubbyhole. It was not that I wanted to. I just could not help it.
When I saw Charles the next day he did not seem to be aware of me. I began to feel relieved. He had forgotten. It was the way in which he behaved to any female whom he considered beneath him. Perhaps I had been unduly perturbed. He had tried and failed and he must have been very angry because of that stinging blow I gave him. It would have been a physical hurt as well as an insult.