I produced two wine cups which looked clean, though I polished up Petro's on the hem of my tunic before I clonked them on the table. In the hole under a floorboard that passed for my wine cellar I had some smoked Spanish poison that was a gift from a grateful client, some new dusky red that tasted as if it had been robbed from an Etruscan tomb, and a well-aged amphora of decent white Setinum. Since Petro's visit was so awkwardly timed, I wavered over acting casual and just serving the Etruscan, but in the end I settled for the Setinum because we were old friends and anyway I fancied some myself.
As soon as he tasted it, he knew he was being bribed.
He said nothing. We drained several cups. The time came when a chat seemed unavoidable.
"Listen," he broached. "There's a hue and cry for a little gold-hemmed skirt who was lifted from a senator's house this morning, don't ask me why"
"Want me to keep an eye out?" I suggested, perking up cheerily, though I could see he was not deceived. "Heiress, is she?"
"Shut up, Falco. She was spotted later in the clutch of some slavering ghoul whose description uncannily fits yours. Her name is Sosia Camillina, she's strictly off limits, and I want her put back where she came from before we have some praetor's pet helpers crawling all over my patch passing rude remarks on the way I run the markets… That her in there?" He nodded at the bedroom doorway.
I owned up meekly. "Imagine it must be."
I liked him; he was good at his job. We both knew he had found his lost kitten.
I explained about her in a way that laid a great deal of emphasis on my gallant role as rescuer of frantic nobility, and (in view of Petro's earlier remark) less on me wrecking market stalls. It seemed best not to place him in any awkward dilemmas.
I'll have to take her back," Petro said. He was nicely drunk.
I'll take her," I promised. "Do me a favour. If you go it's Thanks for doing your duty, officer; for me they may stretch to a small reward. Split?"
Lubricated by a good wine, my crony Petronius becomes a gentleman. Not many men are so considerate of the profit and loss columns of M Didius Falco's personal accounts.
"Oh…" He tipped his cup wryly. This will do me. Give me your word."
I gave him my word and the rest of the Setinum, then he went away happy.
I had no real intention of giving her back.
Well… not yet.
V
I whipped into the bedroom, dangerous with annoyance. The curtain zinged along its rod. The little lost person jumped up guiltily, spilling my private notebooks onto the floor.
"Give me those!" I roared. Now I was really furious.
"You're a poet!" She was stalling for time. "Is "Aglaia the White Dove" about a woman? I suppose they are all about women, they're rather rude… I'm sorry. I was interested…"
Aglaia was a girl I knew, neither white nor the least bit like a dove. Come to that, Aglaia was not her name.
Bright eyes was still giving me that vulnerable look, but to rather worse effect. The loveliest women lose their gloss once you notice they are lying through their teeth.
"You're about to hear something considerably ruder!" I snapped. "Sosia Camillina? So why the false travel pass?"
"I was frightened!" she protested. "I didn't want to say my name, I didn't know what you wanted I let it pass; neither did I. "Who's Helena?"
"My cousin. She went to Britain. She got divorced"
"Extravagance, or mere adultery?"
"She said it was too complicated to explain."
"Ah!" I cried bitterly. I had never been married but I was an expert in divorce. "Adultery! I've heard of women being exiled to islands for immoral behaviour, but exile to Britain seems a bit bleak!"
Sosia Camillina looked curious. "How can you tell?"
"I've been there."
Because of the rebellion I sounded terse. She would have been six years old at the time. She did not remember the great British Revolt and I was not starting history lessons now.
Suddenly she demanded: "Why did your friend call you a tricky character?"
"I'm a republican. Petronius Longus thinks that's dangerous."
"Why are you a republican?"
"Because every free man should have a voice in the government of the city where he has to live. Because the senate should not hand control of the Empire for life to one mortal, who may turn out insane or corrupt or immoral and probably will. Because I hate to see Rome degenerate into a madhouse controlled by a handful of aristocrats manipulated by their cynical ex-slaves, while the mass of its citizens cannot earn a decent living…" Impossible to tell what she made of all that. Her next inquiry was stubbornly practical.
"Do private informers earn a decent living?"
Taking every legal opportunity, they grab enough to keep alive. On good days," I said, "there may be tucker on the table to give us the energy to rave at the injustice of the world I was well away now. I had matched Petronius levelly with the wine.
"Do you think the world is unjust?"
"I know it, lady!"
Sosia stared at me gravely, as if she were saddened that the world had treated me so hard. I stared back. I was none too overjoyed myself.
I felt tired. I went out into the living room and after a moment the girl came too.
"I need to go to the lavatory again."
I was seized by the wild anxiety of a man who brings home a puppy because it looks so sweet, then realizes that on the sixth floor he has problems. No need to panic. My apartment was spartan, but my way of life hygienic.
"Well," I teased. "There are several alternatives. You can pop downstairs and try to persuade Lenia to open up the laundry after hours. Or you can run along the street to the big public convenience but don't forget to take your copper to get in because six flights is a long way to come back for it"
"I suppose," snapped Sosia haughtily, "you and your men friends pee off the balcony?"
I looked shocked. I was, mildly. "Don't you know there are laws against that?"
"I had not imagined," sneered Sosia, "you would worry about the public nuisance laws!" She was getting the measure of the establishment I ran. She had already got the measure of me.
I crooked my finger. She followed me back into the bedroom where I introduced her to the arrangements which I modestly used myself.
Thank you," she said.
"Don't mention it," I returned.
I peed off the balcony just to prove my independence.
This time when she came back I was brooding. I seemed to be struggling more than usual with the background to this kidnap. I could not decide whether I had missed the point, or whether in fact I knew all there was to know. I wondered if the senator she belonged to was politically active. Sosia might have been snatched to influence his vote. Oh gods, surely not! She was far too beautiful. There must be more involved than that.
"Are you taking me home?"
Too late. Too risky. I'm too drunk." I turned away, wandered across the bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. She stood in the doorway like a leftover fish bone
"Where am I going to sleep?"
I was almost as drunk as Petronius. I was lying flat on my back, nursing my notebooks. I was incapable of anything more than feeble gestures and silliness.
"Against my heart, little goddess!" I exclaimed, then flung my arms wide, very carefully, one at a time.
She was frightened.
"All right!" she retorted. She was a stalwart little piece.
I grinned at her weakly, then flopped back into my previous position. I was pretty frightened myself.
I was right though. It was too great a risk to step out of doors with anyone so precious. Not after nightfall. Not in Rome. Not through those pitch-black streets full of burglars and buggery. She was safer with me.