I walked a few steps away from him and he turned to follow me.
“Hey.” He called, just above a whisper. I ignored him and kept walking.
He tried again, and then jogged up to where I was. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.
“What do you think you’re doing?” He growled at me.
“Going home.” I said and I wrenched my hand out of his grasp. I turned and marched away.
After a few yards I turned back to see him standing there, in the dark, watching me. I was so angry. I’m supposed to be protecting our family and I just trusted this guy without even thinking twice.
I circled back the direction I thought we came and headed toward the ocean. I had spent most of the trek uphill so I figured if I was going down I was going the right way. In the dark I could hardly tell where I was going. I began to get nervous as the moon rose high in the sky. It illuminated the ground around me, but nothing looked familiar.
The chill wind was coming down the cliff and I realized I hadn’t dressed very warmly. The excitement of everything that had been happening had kept me from noticing. As I wandered around I tried to sort out my thoughts. I felt a little foolish now, and wondered if I had made a mistake. I could be heading miles in the wrong direction by the time daylight hit.
I didn’t know what to think about John. I decided that we should just sever ties. I didn’t really know anything about him and I would rather try to survive on our own that risk him harming our family. The rabbits were big enough to slaughter and spring was right around the corner. We could make it.
After what seemed like hours I sat down. I had no idea how much time had passed, and I had no idea where I was. I put my head in my hands and tried not to cry. I didn’t know what to do. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and I felt like I was miserably failing. My mom was on the point of insanity. I knew if one more thing went wrong it would push her over the edge.
My sister seemed like she was adjusting, but at some point she was going to get tired of being out here in the middle of nowhere. She might leave, like Joey, or end up snapping. My eyes burned as tears began filling them. I couldn’t even think about the boys and their future without crying. What was in store for us? I wanted to rely on John’s help but who was to say he would be around in a week, much less however long this attack would last.
Just then I heard something. I jumped and whirled around, retrieving my knife. I crouched down and tried to hide in the bushes nearby. I hadn’t even thought about wild animals. Bears should be leaving their caves soon, and bobcats and coyotes were all around here. I tried to stay as still as I could, not even knowing what I would do if there was a wild animal.
After another moment I heard the rustling again.
“Izzy?”
It was John. I stayed in my spot, not knowing how to react. It was frustrating that he followed me, but at the same time I was so relieved he was here that tears started filling my eyes again. I realized as I began weeping that the dam was breaking. The stress of everything that had happened was finally overflowing the walls I had made and now-right here, right now in front of this guy I didn’t know-I was having a meltdown.
He stayed where he was, and I bent over, my face in my hands, and tried to get a hold of myself. All my feelings of hopelessness and fear were rising to the surface. I dropped my knife and started wiping my face on my shirt.
I felt him pull me to him and he hugged me. He sat there, silently squeezing me for a long time. Finally, I stopped crying. I pulled away and wiped my face on my shirt again.
“I’m sorry I was spying on you.” He said quietly.
“I told myself I was protecting you, but I just wanted to see people. I like watching your kids, and your family. I know it sounds weird. I just haven’t seen a family in a while…”
He trailed off quietly. There was silence for a few minutes. Finally, he started again.
“You are doing a great job taking care of everybody. I don’t know many women who could do what you have been doing.”
Tears filled my eyes again and I dropped my head. I took a deep breath and tried to get it together. I started with some things that had been floating around in my mind.
“Where did you come from? How long have you been watching us? Who are those people? Why do you think they are unfriendly?”
I had a few more questions but I stopped, trying to sort out my thoughts. I heard him chuckle and I wondered if I had said something funny. He was still sitting next to me, on the forest floor, and I was overly conscious of his nearness to me.
“I saw a man leave your camp a few weeks back. Looked younger than you, with dark hair.”
“My brother.”
John slowly nodded.
“That was when I found your camp. I saw you bury something small-a pet?”
I started crying again. I could hardly speak, but managed to choke out that it was a baby. John sat up and grabbed both my arms, turning me to face him.
“You had a baby out here?” He seemed angry. I nodded, still crying.
“My brother said he was going for help. The baby was too small and he came early. We didn’t know what to do. My husband left to go to a meeting place and nobody was there but the baby was gone by the time he came back anyway.”
John scowled in the darkness, the light from the moon casting shadows on his bearded face, making him look like a wild man. He stared straight ahead, frowning, and pulled me to him again. I rested my head on his chest and enjoyed the comfort of his arms.
I suddenly realized how exhausted I felt. The night’s events, lack of food, and the emotional roller-coaster had left me feeling void of any strength. I took a deep breath and relaxed, feeling stress pour out of me.
I blinked against the sun’s bright rays, shining in my face and temporarily blinding me. I sat up and looked around, trying to remember where I was. My mouth was dry and felt like I had been sucking on cotton. My head was throbbing and this damn sunlight wasn’t helping. I stood and stretched, still trying to get my bearings. I felt really disoriented.
“Good Morning!” I whirled around and tripped on some branches, knocking the wind out of me.
John began helping me up and last night’s events flooded my mind.
“Where are we?” I suddenly realized my family was probably very worried right now.
“I’m not really sure. We need to get to high ground and find the ocean.” He offered me some nuts and berries he had found, and told me there was a stream nearby. After washing up I felt much better, and we started trying to figure out our way back.
I was a bit embarrassed that I had spent the night with a man I barely knew, after sobbing on his shoulder. I found myself avoiding his gaze, and I tried to pretend like last night never happened.
As we walked he divulged some information about himself. He was ex-military, he had been married, had a son, and when he returned from Afghanistan found that his wife wanted to leave. She had left the boy with him for about a year, and then returned, demanding that he relinquish custody.
Shortly after that he was camping by himself when the strike happened. He hid for a couple weeks then went up into a few towns and saw the devastation that had been caused by the virus.
I asked him how it was that he hadn’t been contaminated. He shrugged his shoulders and told me there were several different times during his tour that they were given extra vaccinations as precautions, and he thought they might have known something about this particular strain.
That gave me something to think about. I stopped listening to him for a moment as I realized how many deaths could have been prevented if they had issued a precautionary vaccination here. We get vaccinations for everything else, hell, if they had just slipped it in with the flu shot none of this would have happened.