Does she do that with Viktor? Does she sing to him that way? He certainly hopes not.
TRANSCRIPT OF ADDITIONAL CONVERSATION FROM TECHNICAL STAFF
Tech #1:
What do you mean, “not yet”? They were supposed to be here three days ago. What’s the holdup?
Tech #2:
I think one of the tunnels might have collapsed.
Tech #1:
That’s great. That’s just great. I certainly hope not. Because do you know who’s going to be blamed for it? Take a guess: we are. We always are.
Tech #2:
I know. It doesn’t seem fair.
Tech #1:
You can say that again. And do you know what else doesn’t seem fair — these stupid hats we’re forced to keep on at all times. They’re like having a snail shell on your head. I mean — on our heads. And not only do they look stupid, but they make us look stupid, too. No offense.
Tech #2:
None taken. But aren’t they supposed to be some protection against the atmosphere down here, or air pressure, something like that? That’s what I remember from our training.
Tech #1:
Atmosphere? They told the group I was with that they were supposed to cushion the skull in case of collapse. And I think they also said there was some kind of automatic oxygen supply inside.
Tech #2:
You could be right. I halfway remember them saying something about not walking too close to an open flame, or an open something. But do you know what I hate the most?
Tech #1:
What do you hate the most?
Tech #2:
I hate the fact that we have to keep them on.
Tech #1:
Day and night.
Tech #2:
Awake and sleeping.
Tech #1:
Yes, and on top of wearing the hats day and night, and on top of having to be sure all these people get where they are going when they’re supposed to be there.
Tech #2:
Right. On top of that, what?
Tech #1:
On top of that, now there’s the problem with the Burrow, too.
Today it is snowing, Junior thinks, though in reality it isn’t, because it never snows in St. Nils. It’s only snowing in the part of his mind that sees the world as unhappy because he is unhappy. And yes, he knows there are many who say the world is neither happy nor unhappy, but how are we supposed to know anything at all about the outer world except through our inner world? So if we are unhappy, then it’s just too bad for the world, because what is the world good for, anyway? He likes how it feels to think these thoughts.
Or not, because this much thinking makes things even worse, thinks Junior, as when he thinks he has a thorn in his foot and the world won’t get back to being okay again until it’s removed, and people can talk about it all they want, can tell him to think about this or that, but still that thorn has got to come out. Now, Junior thinks, who in this case put the thorn in my foot in the first place?
That’s easy: it was that captain, the old guy they brought onto the set of Mellow Valley, the asshole who was supposed to advise the actor playing an old sea captain in the episode where he wanders onto the farm and thinks he’s at sea. That guy — not the actor, who was okay, but that captain hired to advise the actor — being a sea captain, couldn’t help but remind him of Junior Senior, the father he never knew, whose child-rearing strategy was essentially the same as a carp’s: spawn and leave; spawn and get the hell out, because however much of a dumbass he may have been, clearly he had some incorrect premonition that his child would be even more worthless, and no matter how many awards (none) Junior ever won in junior (ha!) high school, it would never be enough to tip the scale where Senior (if he ever heard about them) would understand that he had made a mistake back then. But he was wrong: Junior is not a loser, a creep, a gimp, a nerd, a doofus. No. Junior is a real man. He’ll show him. If not now, soon. Junior is through with all of Junior Senior’s bullshit.
And okay: so he knows the old guy, this captain, wasn’t his actual father, but when that asshole was on the set of Mellow Valley, he certainly acted like he was, making fun of Junior and pointing out his faults to other members of the cast, including, most importantly, to Heather. But even though he called the old man out in public at that alleged lecture, the man never even tried to answer his charges, and before Junior knew what was happening the old guy’s henchmen had dragged him outside and told him never to show up again. Honestly, even thinking about it makes Junior want to shoot someone, not with a gun, of course, but with something quieter and just as deadly at close range — say, Old Stag Killer.
What would his therapist, Tammy, say if she knew? Junior wonders.
But of course he’ll never tell because if he did she’d say he’s a sicko; that’s what she would say.
She’d say, “Back to the nuthouse for you.”
Episode One, The Burrow, Scene One
Scary theme music plays.
An empty, darkened kitchen. Through a door, left, two men enter. Their faces are turned away from the camera as together they slowly walk to the refrigerator. VIKTOR makes the gesture “after you,” in a way that seems mocking. The other man, named JEFFERY, opens the refrigerator door and takes out a carton of milk. Then, going to a cabinet, JEFFERY takes down a box of sugarcoated cereal. He fills a bowl, takes it to the table, and silently starts to eat. Meanwhile, VIKTOR rummages around in the refrigerator until he finds an open pack of cheese enchiladas. He takes it out and puts it in the microwave. While waiting for the microwave to signal that the enchiladas are heated, VIKTOR paces. When the oven makes its tiny beep, he removes the pack, leaving behind a smear of cheese on the counter, takes out a fork, and joins JEFFERY at the table.
Viktor:
Have you ever seen a rat trapped in a cardboard box?
Jeffery:
What kind of cardboard box? Are you thinking about those that four six-packs of soft drinks come in, or more like this cereal box, something skinny that you can close at the top?