‘Undercover?’
‘That’s it. Afterwards, you produce a report for me, and I inform anyone who complains that this seemed to me to be the best way of dealing with a delicate and rather nebulous situation.’
‘Bernie, have you really thought this through?’
‘And it’s not a witch-hunt, Merrily, it’s pastoral care. It’s very clear that this woman needs help. Women don’t behave in this way because they’re happy and fulfilled. They don’t leave used sanitary towels down the back of a fifteenth-century misericord, they—’
She turned to him. ‘I don’t remember him telling us that.’
‘He didn’t. He got halfway and became embarrassed. The incidents – it happened three times in successive, ah, months – were mentioned as a whimsical footnote in a report on church maintenance I was obliged to read.’
We didn’t exactly hold on to the evidence.
‘That’s weird, Bernie.’ She followed a pale grey ribbon of road up the long hill towards Hereford. ‘Not to say faintly ridiculous.’
‘Play it by ear. Follow your conscience.’ The Bishop loosened his seat belt, settled back with his hands folded on his stomach. ‘Do have a cigarette, Merrily, if you want.’
‘You’re a true man of God, Bernie,’ Merrily said.
Merrily didn’t have the cigarette until she’d dropped Bernie Dunmore at the Bishop’s Palace, behind Hereford Cathedral. It was about nine-thirty p.m., a few people about. She parked for a few minutes on the corner of Broad Street and King Street, opposite the cathedral green, took the Silk Cut from her bag and thought about Belladonna and Marion de la Bruyère.
About ghosts.
In the 1930s, a cowled, monkish figure had been repeatedly seen in the cathedral close. Seen initially by policemen. The whole town had been hugely excited, apparently. Excited rather than frightened. As many as two hundred people would gather here on the green, night after night, in the hope of spotting the ghost. Like a football crowd, someone had observed at the time.
Merrily smoked and gazed out at the green and the Cathedral and the soapy spring moonlight splashing through the trees, where all those people had stood in anticipation of… a multiple psychological projection, a shared hallucination on a grand scale?
The existence of ghosts, the nature of ghosts. At least half of the raison d’être of Deliverance.
She rang Jane to say she was on her way home. The kid sounded tired.
‘I’ll probably have an early night. Take it nobody beat you up or anything?’
‘Not so’s you’d notice. Look, I’m sorry I had to go out again.’
‘Save it for Lol. He’s off to Bristol tomorrow.’
‘Oh my God, I forgot!’
‘You always forget.’
‘I’d better go round.’
‘Stay the night, I’ll be OK.’
‘I’ll be back by midnight,’ Merrily said.
‘Yeah,’ Jane said morosely. ‘I expect you will.’
She parked the car at the vicarage and let herself in. A kitchen lamp had been left on, but there was no sign of Jane. She gave Ethel a foil pack of Felix and then, out of habit, went quietly up to the attic apartment, just to make sure.
‘Er… night-night, Mum,’ Jane said from the other side of the door.
Merrily smiled. Forgiven. Kind of.
She managed to catch the Eight till Late just before it closed, picked up some cigs and a bottle of white wine, carrying the bottle openly down Church Street. The village was deserted, but there were a lot of windows on either side. It was the darkened ones you had to worry about – not all of them were holiday homes.
However, the darkened ones did not, tonight, include Lol’s.
He’d seen her coming. He was standing in his doorway.
‘You’ve had the electricity reconnected!’
‘No going back now,’ Lol said.
He still seemed bewildered at finding himself a man of property. The hall behind him was lit by a low-wattage bulb dangling over the newel post where Lucy Devenish used to hang her poncho.
Merrily felt a rush of emotion.
‘No,’ she said. ‘Definitely no going back.’
In full view of all the darkened windows in Church Street, she stepped up to the doorway and kissed him on the mouth. Saw his eyes widen close to hers as he manoeuvred her inside, throwing the door shut behind them.
‘What have you done?’
Oh God, her glasses! They were still in the car.
‘I…’ She swallowed. ‘Would you believe it if I said I’d walked into a lamp-post?’
‘No.’
‘Thought not.’ She put the bottle on the floor, felt at her dog collar. ‘Look, I’m sorry I’m still in the kit. It’s coming off tonight, for… for at least a week. I’ve been told to get a locum in, so I can be a… an ordinary person.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m probably demob happy, Lol, that’s what it is.’
A lock of hair brushed her bruised eye like a bird’s wing. She pushed it aside with a hand and winced.
‘Tell me what happened,’ Lol said.
She looked up the stairs and imagined Lucy Devenish standing at the top, watching them with a weary disappointment, her poncho drooping. And then caught a sudden mental image of Belladonna down near Ludford Bridge, wrapped in her floor-length cape, electric-blue light on her beautiful, predatory face.
Thought about Marion de la Bruyère – a young girl who had reacted to betrayal in the manner of the times, now a ghost more than eight centuries old – and what the Mayor of Ludlow might be asking.
Probably her last task as a Deliverance minister.
And it wasn’t even official.
‘Actually,’ she said, ‘to be honest, I’m not so much demob happy as demob… very pissed-off.’
Could have done a deal with Bernie, Merrily told God later. I could have said save my ministry, get those two bastards off my back, and I’ll help you in Ludlow. That was the obvious thing, wasn’t it?
But, like, playing politics – that’s not what the Church is supposed to be about, is it? Yeah, yeah, the Church has been deep into politics from the start, but that didn’t make it right. Or did it? I mean, it survived, didn’t it? Would it still have survived if there hadn’t been political popes, reformation, renewal and… and…
I don’t want it to end. That’s what I’m trying to say. Deliverance. I don’t want it to be over.
Thought I was starting to get it… to get some of it right. Maybe helping people. Sometimes. OK, I was too late to help some people, like Roddy Lodge, and too blind to help others – Layla Riddock? But I had a strong feeling You were using me to give Nat and Jeremy a chance at Stanner last winter. That was… I mean sometimes it’s been amazing.
And, sure, I’ve felt desperate because it didn’t seem to be working, or I wasn’t getting it right. And guilty when it was fulfilling, when it felt like I was wielding light… guilty because I only had one parish and didn’t have to go on the road on Sundays and learn how to preach properly.
Have I been guilty of pride? Are there ministers in this diocese – there surely are – who could do this so much better than me? Did YOU send Siân and Saltash? Am I stupid and naive and blind? Is it Your will that I give this up, let it be taken from me, stop meddling in the affairs of the dead, run five, six, seven parishes instead, watch it all falling away for all of us…?
I’m sorry. I don’t know. I don’t know. Do I fight this or lie down? Which is worse, cowardice or pride?
And do You ever listen any more?
Merrily opened her eyes, standing by the window, moonlight sugaring the trees on Cole Hill, no easy answers written in the sky.
PART THREE
Bell