— Anyway, Jackie, said Mary.
The real business of the night was starting.
— Will yeh be seein’ Greg again?
— Tha’ prick! said Jackie.
They laughed.
Jackie had given Greg the shove the Saturday before
— or so she said anyway — in one of those cafe places in the ILAC Centre, after he’d accused her of robbing the cream out of his chocolate eclair. — An’ I paid for the fuckin’ thing! she’d told them the night before.
She was in good form tonight as well. She tapped the table with her glass.
— If he was the last man on earth I wouldn’t go with him.
She took a fair sip from the glass.
— I’d shag the Elephant Man before I’d let him go near me again, the prick.
They roared.
— Yis should’ve seen him with that fuckin’ eclair. I was so embarrassed, I was scarleh, I’m not jokin’ yis, I was burnin’. In his leather jacket an’ his fuckin’ keys hangin’ off his belt, yeh know, givin’ the goo goo eyes to a fuckin’ eclair. It was pat’etic, it was.
— Were yeh goin’ to break it off annyway? Sharon asked her.
— Yeah, said Jackie. — I was thinkin’ about it alrigh’. I was givin’ the matter, eh, my serious consideration.
They laughed.
— Then when I saw him sulkin’; Jesus!
— He was very good lookin’ though, wasn’t he? said Yvonne. — Very handsome.
— Not really, said Jackie. — Not when yeh got up close to him. D’yeh know what I mean?
— Beauty is only skin deep, said Mary.
— It wasn’t even tha’ deep, Mary, Jackie told her. — He had loads o’ little spots on his chin. Tiny little ones now. Millions o’ them. You only noticed them when you were right up against him, an’ then you’d want to throw up.
— There was nothin’ under the leather jacket really.
That’s all he was now that I think of it.
Jackie sighed and took a slug from her glass.
— A leather jacket. — He was thick as well.
— Come here, Jackie, said Mary. — Was he passionate?
— No, said Jackie. — But he thought he was. Yeh know? He was just a big thick monkey.
— Lookin’ for somewhere to stick his banana, wha’, said Yvonne.
They screamed.
— Yvonne Burgess!
Sharon wiped her eyes.
— He stuck his tongue in me ear once, Jackie told them when they’d settled down again. — An’, I’m not jokin’ yis, I think he was tryin’ to get it out the other one. I don’t know what he fuckin’ thought I had in there.
She laughed with them.
— He licked half me brains ou’. Like a big dog, yeh know.
They roared.
Jackie waited.
— His sense o’ direction wasn’t the best either, d’yis know what I mean?
They roared again.
— Jesus!
— Jackie O’Keefe! You’re fuckin’ disgustin’!
— Wha’?
More vodkas and Cokes and a gin and a tonic were ordered. And crisps.
Then Sharon told them her bit of news.
— I’m pregnant, did I tell yis?
Mary laughed, but the others didn’t. Then Mary stopped.
— Yeah, well, said Sharon. — I am.
— She’s fuckin’ serious, said Yvonne.
No one said anything for a bit. Sharon couldn’t look anywhere. The others looked at one another, their faces held blank. Sharon picked up her glass but she was afraid to put it to her mouth.
Then Jackie spoke.
— Well done, Sharon, she said.
— Thanks, Jackie.
She put the glass down. She was starting to shake. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe in enough air to keep her going.
— Yeah, Sharon. Congrats, said Mary.
— Thanks, Mary.
— Well done, Sharon, said Yvonne. — Yeh thick bitch yeh.
Then they all started laughing. They looked at one another and kept laughing. Sharon was delighted. They were all blushing and laughing. The tears were running out of her and the snot would be as well in a minute. She took up her bag from the floor to look for a hankie.
The laughing died down and became fits of the giggles. They all blew their noses and wiped their eyes.
— Jesus though, Sharon, said Jackie, but she was grinning.
Sharon reddened again.
— I know, she said. — It’s terrible really.
Some questions had to be asked.
First an easy one.
— How long are yeh gone, Sharon? Yvonne asked her.
— Fourteen weeks.
They converted that into months.
— Jesus! Tha’ long? said Mary.
They looked at Sharon.
— You don’t look it, said Yvonne.
— I do, said Sharon.
— I won’t argue with you, said Yvonne. — You’re the expert.
They screamed.
— I’m only messin’, said Yvonne.
Sharon wiped her eyes.
— I know tha’.
— You look the same, said Mary.
— I’ll start gettin’ bigger in a few weeks.
— Well, said Jackie, — you can start hangin’ round with someone else when tha’ happens. No fellas’ll come near us if one of us is pregnant.
They laughed.
— Sharon, said Yvonne. — Who’re yeh havin’ it for?
Your fat da, thought Sharon.
— I can’t tell, she said. — Sorry.
She looked at her drink. She could feel herself going red again.
— Ah, Sharon!
She grinned and shook her head.
— Meany, said Jackie.
Sharon grinned.
— Give us a hint.
— No.
— Just a little one.
Nothing.
— Do we know him?
— No, said Sharon.
— Ah Sharon, go on. Tell us.
— No.
— We won’t tell annyone,
— Leave Sharon alone, said Jackie. — It’s none o’ your fuckin’ business. Is he married, Sharon?
— Oh Jesus! said Mary.
— No, said Sharon.
She laughed.
— You’re scarleh. He must be.
— He’s not. I swear. He’s not—
— Are yeh gettin’ married? Mary asked.
— No. I mean — I mean I don’t want to marry him.
— Are yeh sure we don’t know him?
— Yeah.
— Is he in here?
— Jesus, said Jackie. — If we don’t know him he isn’t here. An’ anyway, would you do it with annyone here?
— I was only fuckin’ askin’, said Yvonne.
She looked around. The lounge was fairly full.
— You’re righ’ though, she said. — It was a stupid question. Sorry for insultin’ yeh, Sharon.
— That’s okay.
— Serious though, Sharon, said Mary. — Do we really not know him?
— No. I swear to God.
— I believe yeh, thousands wouldn’t, said Yvonne.
— Where did yeh meet him?
— Ah look, said Sharon. — I don’t want to talk about it annymore; righ’?
— Let’s get pissed, will we? said Jackie.
— Ah yeah, said Sharon.
— Hey! Jackie roared at the lounge boy. — Get your body over here.
They laughed.
The lounge boy was sixteen and looked younger.
— Three vodkas an’ two Cokes an’ a gin an’ tonic, said Jackie. — Got tha’?
— Yeah, said the lounge boy.
— An’ a package o’ crisps, said Yvonne.
— Ah yeah, said Sharon. — Two packs.
— Do yeh have anny nuts? Mary asked him.
— Jesus, Mary, yeh dirty bitch yeh!
They screamed.
— I didn’t mean it tha’ way, said Mary.
The very red lounge boy backed off and headed for the bar.
Yvonne shouted after him.
— Come back soon, chicken.
— Leave him alone or he’ll never come back, said Jackie.