— You should stay — stay with your family.
Sharon smiled.
— Now maybe. But, look it.
She patted her belly.
— It’s goin’ to be gettin’ bigger an’ yeh won’t be able to get out of its way an’ stop lookin’ at it. It’ll keep remindin’ you of Mister Burgess. No, it will; even though he’s not — So, yeh see, it’s best for us all if I go.
She stood up. She smiled. She patted his shoulder.
— I’ll go upstairs an’ pack.
Jimmy Sr was afraid to say anything. He didn’t know what it would sound like. He’d never felt like this before.
Sharon was planking going up the stairs. She hoped she hadn’t been too convincing. He mightn’t bother trying to stop her. She didn’t even have a suitcase or anything. She’d just pile her stuff on the bed.
Jimmy Sr didn’t know what to do. It was terrible. Sharon was leaving because of him. That wasn’t what he’d wanted at all.
It was wrong.
Jimmy Jr’s face distracted him.
— Jaysis, he said.
Jimmy Jr was still staring at the table. Veronica looked up from the dress.
— Get up, quick!
Jimmy Jr stood up and fell across to the sink. He dropped his head and vomited — HYUHH — uh — fuck — HYY-
— YUUH! — onto the breakfast plates and cups.
That was it, Jimmy Sr decided. There was no way Sharon could go. She was the only civilized human being in the whole fuckin’ house.
Veronica had her face in her hands. She shook her head slowly.
Jimmy Sr stood up.
— Veronica, he said. — She’s not goin’.
Veronica looked up at him. She still had her hands to her face but she nodded.
— An’ come here, you, he bawled across to Jimmy Jr. — Wash up them dishes, righ’.
Jimmy Jr groaned.
Sharon heard the stairs creaking. She threw a bundle of knickers onto the bed.
Jimmy Sr knocked, and came in.
— Are you alone?
— Yeah.
— Where’re the twins?
— Camogie, I think.
— They do everything don’t they?
— Yeah.
— Fair play to them. Don’t go, Sharon.
— I have to.
She stopped messing with the clothes.
— Yeh don’t have to—
Jimmy Sr looked across, out the window. His eyes were shiny. He kept blinking. He gulped, but the lump kept rising.
— I’m cryin’, Sharon, sorry. I didn’t mean to.
He pulled the sleeve of his jumper over his fist and wiped his eyes with it.
— Sorry, Sharon.
He looked at her. She looked as if she didn’t know how she should look, what expression she should have on.
— Em — I don’t know wha’ to fuckin’ say. — That’s the first time I cried since your granny died. Hang on; no. I didn’t cry then. I haven’t cried since I was a kid.
— You cried last Christmas.
— Sober, Sharon. Drunk doesn’t count. We all do stupid things when we’re drunk.
— I know.
— Fuck, sorry; I didn’t mean it like tha’!
He looked scared.
— I know tha’, said Sharon.
— Sorry. — Annyway, look — I’ve been a righ’ bollix,
Sharon. I’ve made you feel bad an’ that’s why you’re leavin’. Just cos I was feelin’ hard done by. It’s my fault. Don’t go, Sharon. Please.
Sharon was afraid to say no. She didn’t want to start him crying again.
— But I’ll only keep remindin’ yeh—
— Sorry, Sharon. For interruptin’ yeh. — This isn’t easy for me. I wanted to make you feel bad cos I was feelin’ sorry for myself. I can’t look at yeh, sayin’ this. It’s very fuckin’ embarrassin’.
He tried to grin but he couldn’t.
— I behaved like a bollix, I realize tha’ now. — I didn’t think you’d leave. Don’t leave. We need you here. Your mammy — Your mammy’s not always the best. Because of — Yeh know tha’ yourself. I’m a fuckin’ waster. Jimmy’s worse. D’yeh know what he’s at now?
— Wha’?
— He’s down there gettin’ sick into the sink. On top o’ the plates an’ stuff.
— Oh my God.
— Poor Veronica. — The fuckin’ dinner might be
— what’s the word — steepin’ in the sink for all I know. Believe me, Sharon, we need you. The twins, they need you.
Sharon was nearly crying now. She was loving this.
— What abou’ the baby?
Jimmy Sr breathed deeply and looked out the window, and looked at Sharon. His eyes were shiny again.
— I feel like a fuckin’ eejit. — I love you, Sharon. An’ it’ll be your baby, so I’ll love it as well.
— Wha’—what if it looks like Mister Burgess?
Jimmy Sr creased his forehead. Then he spoke.
— I don’t mind what it looks like. I don’t give a shite.
— It’s easy to say tha’ now—
— I don’t, Sharon, I swear I don’t. Not now, fuck it. I don’t mind. If the first words it says are On the Bible, Jim, on the Bible, I won’t mind. I’ll still love it.
Sharon was laughing.
— If it looks like Burgess’s arse I’ll love it, Sharon. On the Bible.
They were both laughing. They’d both won. Both sets of eyes were watery. Sharon spoke.
— What if it’s a girl an’ she looks like Mister Burgess?
— Ah well, fuck it; we’ll just have to smother it an’ leave it on his step.
— Ah Daddy!
— I’m only messin’. I suppose I’ll still have to love her. Even if she does have a head on her like Georgie Bur—
He couldn’t finish. He had an almighty fit of the giggles.
— She’ll be lovely, said Sharon.
— She’d fuckin’ better be. We’re a good lookin’ family. ’Cept for Jimmy, wha’. An’, come here, an’ anyway; it won’t look like Burgess cos he isn’t the da. — Isn’t tha’ righ’?
— Yeah.
— Unless your Spanish sailor looked a bit like him, did he?
— Just a little bit.
— Ah well, said Jimmy Sr after a small while. — Your poor mammy. I’d better go down an’ see if your man’s still spinnin’ the discs in the sink. — Good girl, Sharon.
— See yeh in a minute. I’ll just put me stuff back.
— Good girl.
He was gone, but he came back immediately.
— Eh, sorry; Sharon?
— Yeah?
— Don’t tell Jimmy yeh saw me cryin’ there, sure yeh won’t?
— Don’t worry.
— Good girl.
He grinned.
— He looks up to me, yeh know.
* * *
— Ah, said Jimmy Sr to the twins. — There yis are. An’ there’s Larry with yis.
He bent down and patted the dog’s head.
— He’s growin’, he said. — He’ll soon be makin’ his communion. Yis must be thirsty after your camogie, are yis?
— Yeah, said Linda and Tracy.
— Yes! said Veronica.
— Yes, said Linda.
— There, said Jimmy Sr.
It was a pound.
— Get yourselves some 7 Ups. Or the one tha’ Tina Turner drinks. Pepsi.
— What about me?
— A Toblerone?
— And a Flake.
Jimmy Sr’s hand went back into his pocket.
— Can we have a Flake instead of the 7 Up? said Tracy.
— No! — Oh, alrigh’.
The twins legged it.
Jimmy Sr smiled over at Veronica.
— Are yeh well, Veronica?
— I’m alright, said Veronica.
— Good, said Jimmy Sr. — Good.
* * *
It was a few weeks later.
Jimmy Sr dropped the book onto the couch. He was the only one in the front room.