The food sobered Julian up a bit. A dull ache grew in his head, as he thought about his mum, about the lines around her eyes and the worry he’d seen in them that morning. “I’d better get home.”
“Aw, do you have to?” said Kyle. “It’s only early.”
“I really need to lie down, close my eyes.” Julian didn’t say sleep. He wanted rest, but not sleep. Not until he was too tired to avoid it.
As they left the fast-food restaurant, a junky black car pulled over in front of them, grinding rock music pumping out of its windows. Mia was sat in the back. In the front was the older woman and, behind the steering wheel, one of the men Julian had first seen her with in The Cut. Mia wound down her window and said to Julian, “Hey, rich boy. What you up to?”
“He’s going home,” said Kyle, as offhandedly as he dared when it came to Jake Bradshaw’s sister.
“We’re heading out to the bridge,” said Mia, ignoring him. “You want to come along? Just you, not your friend.”
Kyle tugged Julian away from the car. “Come on, let’s go.”
Julian shook himself free and started around the back of the car. “What the fuck?” said Kyle. “I thought you-”
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Julian cut him off. He ducked into the car. Mia flicked Kyle the finger and wound her window back up.
“Well fuck you too,” yelled Kyle as the car accelerated sharply away.
The car’s interior stank of fast-food and dope. The driver bobbed his head to the music, stroking his free hand up and down between the woman’s legs, over her torn stockings. There was a tattoo of an inverted cross on the back of his hand. The woman took a sheet of translucent yellow paper printed with a grid of cutting lines from the glove-box. She tore off two five-mm squares and, as if inserting contact-lenses, carefully placed one under each of her eyelids, before passing the sheet to Mia.
“What’s that?” Julian asked.
“They’re called windows.”
“Because they’re see-through.”
“Because they let you look through the window and see stuff that’s normally hidden.”
“Like what?”
Mia shrugged. “Whatever’s on the other side. Want one?”
Julian shook his head. “The way I’m feeling, I’d probably have a bad trip.”
“There are no bad trips on this shit,” said the man. “It’s the fucking bomb. I’m telling you, until you’ve fucked on this stuff you haven’t fucked. No shit. It’s like, wow, man!”
“Whatever it is, I’m not up for it.”
“Suit yourself, mate, all the more for the rest of us.”
When they got to the bridge, blankets slung over their shoulders, they descended the steep bank. The man got the fire going, then he and the woman moved off into the shadows and lay down together. Mia and Julian sat close to each other, not touching but close, not talking for a while, listening to the couple screwing. “So did you find someone else to fuck?” asked Julian. He didn’t want to ask the question, but somehow he couldn’t help himself.
“Why?” Mia looked at him sidelong, her eyes flickering in the firelight with something that might’ve been amusement. “Have you changed your mind about fucking me?”
“No,” Julian said forcibly, as if he was trying to convince himself of what he was saying.
Mia started laughing. She laughed so hard that tears filled her eyes. Suddenly, she caught her laughter and asked, “Have the coppers told you anything else about Jo, about how she died?”
“No.”
Mia’s gaze moved to the river. The same far-horizon look came into her eyes — the same only a little dreamier and more pained, almost as if she was watching some part of herself being carried away by the current. “Sometimes I think Jo’s lucky,” she said. “At least she’s out of this shit.”
“You shouldn’t talk like that. Things can’t be that bad.”
“They can’t?” Mia jerked her dilated pupils to Julian. “Why can’t they? What the fuck do you know about my life?”
“I…nothing,” stammered Julian, taken aback by the vehemence of her question. “But if you want we can, y’know, talk about it and stuff.”
Mia stared at him a couple seconds, then burst out laughing again and shaking her head. “You don’t want to know about me. You’re a nice little rich kid. You don’t want to know where I’ve been, where I’m going.”
Julian sucked in his irritation, determined not to play her game by getting angry. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”
Mia gave him another look, no laughter in her eyes now. “Seriously, you don’t want my life in your head.”
“So why have you brought me here, if you don’t want to talk?”
“’Cos I like you, Julian.” Mia reached out and brushed her hand down his face. “Hey, wow, the acid’s really kicking in.” She jumped up and swirled around the fire. “You should’ve tried it. The visuals are totally sick.” She skipped off along the riverbank path, which was narrow enough that a slight stumble would send her tumbling into the water. If that happened, Julian knew, the fast-flowing current would suck her under in an instant. He hurried after her. Caution slowed his feet, as darkness closed around him like a thick blanket. He couldn’t see Mia, but the echo of her laughter drifted back to him.
“Mia, wait. Mia, Mia-”
Her scream cut Julian short. Forgetting his caution, he rushed forward and almost tripped over her prone form. He felt for her in the dark. She was stiff, yet trembling as if in shock. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I saw her.” Mia’s voice was tiny and high-pitched, stripped of pretension by fear.
“Saw who?”
“I saw her,” she repeated. “In the water. I saw her, saw her, saw…” She mumbled off into incoherence.
Julian helped Mia to her feet and, one arm around her waist, guided her back to the fire. Her clothes and face were splotched with mud. He wrapped a blanket around her. She sat hunched, hands trembling in her lap, eyes goggling at the flames. Julian started to move away from her.
“Where you going?” she asked anxiously.
“To fetch your friends.”
“Don’t leave me alone.”
“But we need to get you home.”
“Home,” Mia scoffed, her voice regaining some of its strength. “That’s a laugh.” She pleaded with Julian with her eyes. Sighing, he sat down next to her. “I feel all cold inside,” she said. Hesitantly, Julian put his arm around her. She squirmed closer, pressing her head against his shoulder. At first deep tremors passed through her body into him every few seconds. But after a while he felt her relax and her breathing became slow and regular.
He held her like that the rest of the night. In the dirty grey light of dawn, she smiled at him. It was the first honest smile he’d seen on her face. It made her look different, softer, less angry. “Thanks, Julian.”
Julian rose slowly to his feet, muscles stiffed by cold. He considered asking Mia who she’d seen in the water, but decided not to — not while the shadow of her experience was still in her eyes. He’d let her tell him only if she wanted to. He crouched by the fire’s embers, while she went in search of her companions. She returned after a few minutes, with them trailing. “Was it fucking good!” the man was saying, “Fuck, man, it was like, boom!” As they climbed the bank, grinning leeringly, he leant in close to Julian. “So does she suck a good cock?” he whispered. “I’ll bet she can suck it dry, can’t she? Just like her little whore of a dead pal. Now she was a good suck job. First time she did me I was like, oh baby, that was some fucking good suck. Did your daddy teach you that?”
The man chuckled as if he’d told a joke. Julian clenched his teeth, fighting down an urge to drive his elbow into his larynx. They drove into town to the fast-food joint they’d picked Julian up outside. “We’re gonna get breakfast,” Mia said to him. “You want to eat breakfast with me?”
Julian glanced at the man, who, along with the woman, was making his way into the restaurant. “You shouldn’t hang around with him.”
“Who, Weasel? He’s okay.”