I did not answer and he went on: “At least you do not hate me. Oh, Carlotta, who would have thought this would have turned out so. Since I saw you in the inn I wanted this. I wouldn’t have anything changed …”
Then he kissed me and I tried to ward off the desire which he knew so well how to kindle.
“You should never pretend, sweetheart,” he said. “There is nothing wrong in being a vibrant woman. Oh, God, how I wish that things were not as they are. I like to think that these traitors had not arisen, that you and I had met perhaps at some court function. And I saw you and loved you and asked for your hand in honourable marriage. Think of that, Carlotta.”
“I should have to agree, you know,” I reminded him.
“You would. There would have been no objection from your family, I promise you, and if there had been from you I should have brought you to some place like this and proved to you how necessary I was in your life. You would have accepted me then, Carlotta, would you not?”
“I suppose if you had seduced me I should have to,” I retorted.
“Sweet Carlotta. I shall pray that the ship does not come tomorrow.”
I said nothing. I was afraid to betray my feelings with words as I had in other ways.
In a strange way I was in love with him. It must be remembered that we were all in a highly emotional state. Death hovered over all of us. It seemed unlikely that they would allow me to live. I knew too much. Durrell was right. Although they guarded me night and day it would not have been impossible for me to escape their vigilance and then, considering what I knew, I could be a terrible danger to them.
I thought of it. While Hessenfield lay sleeping beside me I could have risen, found the key to the door, unlocked it, got out of the house, taken one of the horses from the stable and been away. Hessenfield was taking a great risk in letting me live. And they no less than I were close to death, and that knowledge must have its effect. I was conscious of a great desire to go on living—a lust for life which I had not noticed before. In the last day or so I had moved away from the past. I had changed. I was not exactly happier than I had been, but I can only say that I was more alive.
I lived from hour to hour. I did not want to look ahead to the time when I should gaze out and see the ship there. God knew what would happen to me then. Hessenfield would say good-bye to me. Would he do it with a sword? No, I could not believe he would harm me. Yet he would have imposed himself upon me however reluctant I had felt. He would have raped me and exulted in it.
And yet there had sprung up these strange emotions between us. Our natures went out to meet each other; in a way we belonged together. He was a man of power. Perhaps that was what I looked for in men. He was a natural buccaneer, an adventurer, a leader of men. He had grace, elegance and an air of gallantry; he was a man of the world; he combined fastidiousness with a kind of primitive strength. He was virile yet he was tender; he had the ability to make me feel that I was more important to him than anyone had ever been before and I thrilled to that, although I could not entirely believe it. Beau had that, I reminded myself. And to him I had just been a fortune—and the means of providing amusement for an hour or so.
There was no doubt that my emotions were in turmoil; my senses were heightened. I was living again—and more than anything I wanted to go on living.
It was the third day. They were beginning to get restive.
“What has delayed them?” I heard Durrell say. “It can’t be the weather. God help us, at any moment a storm could arise … gales … anything. That would be understandable … but it’s calm enough out there.”
The weather had turned warm and the sun beat through the windows. I looked longingly out at the green lawns and the shrubbery.
The house was built in a small valley and it was only from the second and third storeys that the sea was visible.
Hessenfield, seeing me gaze out with longing, came to stand beside me. He laid a hand on my shoulder and I felt the tremor run through me.
He said: “It looks inviting out there.”
“We have been cooped up so long,” I replied.
“Come,” he said. “We’ll take a walk.”
I was delighted, and I couldn’t help showing my pleasure.
“I don’t think you’ll try to run away,” he said. “In any case you wouldn’t have much chance, would you?”
I did not answer.
“Come,” he said. He unlocked the door and we went out. I stood for a moment breathing in the fresh air. It was exhilarating.
“A pleasant spot,” said Hessenfield. He gripped my arm. “Ah, it is good to be out of doors again.”
We walked in silence up the slight incline and now we were facing the sea. It was calm as a lake and of a beautiful mother-of-pearl translucency.
“Sometimes I think our ship will never come,” he mused. “Or come too late for us.”
“What shall you do if it does not come?”
“If it does not come our chances are slight. With every day that passes the danger becomes more acute.” He turned to me suddenly and looked intently at me. “And each morning I have said, ‘Not today. Give me another night with my love.’ ”
“You do not deceive me. You are as eager as the others for the ship to come.”
He shook his head, and we were silent for a while.
We had come out to the path which was close to the cliff edge. There was a narrow gully leading down to the beach.
I said: “I should like to go close to the sea … to touch it.”
“Why not?” he said. “Come on.” He took my hand and we ran down the slight slope. I crouched by the water and let my hand trail in it.
“So peaceful here … so quiet,” he said. “I wish … Ah, since I met you, Carlotta, I have done little but wish things were otherwise. Do you believe me?”
I said: “We often feel something at a certain time and think it is all-important. Then life changes and we see that which was so important to us was of small significance.”
“And you think this … our encounter … is of small significance?”
“If you kill me it will be of small significance to me, for I shall be dead.”
He turned away from the sea, and, holding my arm firmly, as though I had reminded him of the need to guard me, we walked up the incline to the path.
As we reached the top I heard him catch his breath. I glanced along the path and saw why. Four horsemen were riding towards us.
Hessenfield’s grip tightened on my arm. We were too late to turn back or to hide ourselves. They would have seen us as soon as we saw them.
Now, I thought. It is my chance. This is what they feared. Oh, Hessenfield, I thought, you have made a grave mistake. You should never have left the house with me.
The tables were turned. His life was in my hands now.
Triumphantly I saw that the men were soldiers of the King’s army and it could well be that they were on the trail of the conspirators who had rescued General Langdon from the Tower.
Hessenfield pressed himself against me. It was as though he was reminding me of everything we had been to each other. He said nothing. This was no time for words.
All I had to say was: “They are holding me prisoner because I know what they have done.” And I would be free.
The men were now within calling distance.
“Good day to you,” they shouted.
“Good day,” called Hessenfield. I said “Good day” too.
The horsemen drew up and looked at us keenly. They saw an elegant country gentleman and his woman in a well-cut riding suit.
“You live hereabouts?” asked the horseman.
Hessenfield waved his hand in the direction of the house.
“Then you know the district?”
“You could say so,” said Hessenfield. I was amazed by the calmness of his voice.