I can barely fathom."
"Sylpa thinks there's more to this tale than we've heard thus far,"
Besh said. He regretted the words immediately.
"Sylpa thinks?" Pyav repeated. He laughed, though he seemed uncomfortable. "You do realize that the woman is dead."
"Of course," Besh said, making himself smile. He felt his face coloring, and once more he had the sense that Sylpa was there, waiting to hear how he would handle this. "Forgive me. I've spent so many hours with the daybook that I forget sometimes whether I'm living in Sylpa's time or ours."
Pyav frowned. "I'm concerned for you, Besh. I shouldn't have to remind you that you're not a young man. You're pushing yourself awfully hard, and I'm not certain that it's worth the effort. Even if there is more to Lici's story than this tragedy you read about today, what difference does it make? Do you honestly still believe that Lici left here because of something that happened during Sylpa's lifetime? Do you even still believe that Lici's alive?" He passed a hand over his face, wincing slightly. "I'm sorry to say this to you, Besh. Truly I am. But I think you're wasting your time. At first, when you started reading the daybook, I thought maybe there was some point to it. We know so little about Lici, and I felt that anything we might learn about her would be helpful. So this is my fault as much as it is yours. Probably more. But I think it's time we admitted to ourselves, and to everyone else in the village, that she's gone, that she's not coming back, and that we have no idea why she left." He placed his hand on Besh's shoulder. "I think it's also time we admitted that we're relieved to be rid of her."
At first, Besh didn't say anything. He wanted to ask if this meant that he no longer had the eldest's permission to read Sylpa's daybook, but he realized that he was afraid to hear Pyav's answer. His friend, though, mistook the cause of his silence.
"If you're worried about her gold, don't be. You mentioned some time ago that you thought the gold should be used to build a new well for the village. I think that's a fine idea."
"Actually, that was Sirj's idea," he said, his voice low.
"Then when the time comes, Sirj can lay the first stone. The point is, no one will be getting rich off of Lici's misfortune, and all of us will benefit from the coins she left behind. That's what you were worried about, isn't it? Isn't that how all of this began?"
He knew that Pyav was trying his best to make him feel better, and he should have been grateful. But all he could say was "Are you telling me I can't go back and read the daybook anymore?"
"I'm telling you that I don't think you should, that it a waste of your time."
Besh didn't respond and after another moment Pyav shook his head and looked away.
"If you want to go back, you can, Besh. It's not in my power to order you away from Lici's house. But I wish that the word of a friend was enough to make you see how foolish this is."
"I appreciate your concern, Eldest."
"But you're going back."
"I still think there's something to be learned from that journal. And I still believe that Lici is alive."
Pyav's mouth twisted sourly. "Very well. Do as you will. If you learn anything of value, I'll want to hear about it."
Besh nodded, understanding that this was the last of their daily conversations. "Thank you, Pyay." He stood and started to walk away.
"Why are you doing this?" the blacksmith called after him.
Besh halted, sighed, and turned. "She left sixty-four years to the day after her arrival. Doesn't that strike you as odd?"
"Of course it does, but everything Lici has ever done strikes me as odd. She's the strangest person any of us has ever known."
"This is strange even for her, and I think it means something." "Isn't it possible that she chose that day to go off and die? Couldn't it be that simple?"
"Maybe," Besh said. "But I'm a good deal closer to the day of my death than you are to yours, and I can tell you that if I was going off to die, I wouldn't leave my home as she left hers."
Pyav smiled kindly. "Of course you wouldn't, my friend. But you would be leaving behind people you love. That would be a terrible burden to leave for Elica and Sirj. Lici had no such concerns. She was alone and I believe she hated the rest of us. I can easily imagine her doing this to the people of Kirayde. Actually, it would have surprised me if she'd shown us any more consideration than she did."
Besh knew that Pyav was making a great deal of sense, probably more than he himself was. But he could hear Sylpa's voice inside his head, insistent and no less convincing. "You're probably right," was all he said. Pyav gave him a sly look. "Now you're humoring me."
He had to smile. "Yes."
"Go, then," the eldest said, smiling as well. "And tomorrow, after you've read, come and tell me what you've learned."
"You're certain?"
"I'm eldest of this village. I should know its history." He shrugged again. "To be honest, I find all that you've told me about Sylpa rather interesting."
"All right, then. Tomorrow."
Besh raised a hand in farewell and started toward home. The sky overhead was darkening and the air had grown cool. Another day gone. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken Mihas with him to the garden or found the time to play with Annze and Cam. No doubt Elica had noticed how consumed he was with Lici's disappearance and Sylpa's journal. She hadn't commented on it recently, but he knew she wouldn't remain silent for long. It wasn't her way.
"You're going to have to tell me what you know, Sylpa," he whispered in the twilight. "I can't keep on this way forever."
If you're so eager to know, find the passage and read it. Not Ema's voice, though the words could well have been hers. This was Sylpa, speaking to him as his dear wife so often did.
"I wouldn't know where to look. I could just as easily skip past it as find it."
That's an excuse and nothing more. You read at this pace because you wish to, because you like having my voice in your head.
"Am I wasting my time then? Is this just the folly of a lonely old man?" No, the voice said. So certain, so forceful, that he almost looked around to see who had spoken. The answer is there, in the book. "But is the question worth asking?"
He didn't need to hear her response. He knew already; he had all along.
Before he reached the house, he saw Mihas running toward him and heard him calling, "Grandfather! Grandfather!"
Besh smiled to see the boy and held out his hand for Mihas to take.
"Where have you been?" he asked breathlessly, taking Besh's hand and turning to walk back home.
"I was speaking with Pyav. And before that I was at Lici's house."
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
"Not yet," Besh said. "But I think I'm getting closer."
"Does that mean you know where Lici is?" "No, I'm afraid not."
They reached the house and went inside. Annze was placing food on the table and Elica stood at the hearth stirring a pot of stew. She cast a dark look Besh's way, but didn't say anything. Sirj and Cam were playing on the floor and Cam managed to say hello between giggles.
They sat down to eat a few moments later. Elica's stew was quite good, but Besh could tell that she was angry with him, and neither of them said much. The children asked him question after question about Lici's house, as they always did. They'd heard so many tales about the woman that it seemed they thought Besh spent his days in the company of wraiths. As soon as he formed the thought, he grinned. Hadn't he been thinking much the same thing earlier that day, as he pondered the feelings he harbored for Sylpa?
"What are you smiling at?" Elica demanded.
He regarded her placidly. "My own foolishness."
She didn't know how to respond to that and so fell back into her sullen silence.
Sirj chuckled appreciatively. "A good answer. I'd do well to remember it." He winked at Besh.
Elica said something cutting to her husband, but Besh didn't hear it.