"I was deliberately not counting on you," she said, "but I thought you might be here in time."
"You'll need us," Arvid said. "I take it you knew Swahili is now the officer in charge of Cow's escort? He came up here with replacement troops this morning."
"Swahili?" Amanda frowned, for the name had a familiar ring but eluded identification.
"He's a major with these Coalition troops. But he was one of Eachan Khan's officers," Bill said. "A Dorsai, once - but probably you've never seen him. He didn't like any place where there wasn't any fighting going on. He joined Eachan some years ago, out on one of the off-world contracts and I think he was only here in this district briefly, once or twice. The only things that usually brought him to the Dorsai were short visits to that new training center Cletus set up on the other side of the world."
"The point is, though, he literally is a Dorsai - or was. One of the best we ever had, in fact," said Arvid. "If anyone's going to catch us moving in before we want them to know we're there, it'll be him."
There was a strange, almost sad note in Arvid's voice.
"Yes, he's that good. Some of us-" Bill glanced for a second at his tall companion, "thought he was the best we had… in some ways. At any rate, that's why Arvid and I'll be going in first, to secure the house."
"You're taking charge, then?" said Amanda.
"We hadn't planned on it," said Arvid, swiftly. "It's your district, of course - "
"Don't talk nonsense," said Amanda. "We'll do anything that works. Did you really think I'd be prickly about my authority?"
"No," said Arvid. "Not really. But I do think you should stay in overall command. These local people know you, not me. Just give us four minutes head start, then move in. We'll take the house. That'll leave you the compound area that was set up for the escort troops, beside the house. How do you plan to handle that?"
"The only way we can," said Amanda. "I'll go in first, with the other adults behind me - openly, like neighbors coming to visit - and I'll try to disarm the sentry. Then we'll take the compound - we adults-building by building. Meanwhile, the teams will lie out around with their weapons and try to see that, whatever happens, none of the soldiers break out of the compound area after we've gone in."
Arvid nodded.
"All right," he said. "Our word is that all the men in the convoy bringing Cletus in are pretty well sick and useless. I suppose you also have the information that most of the well troops that came up originally with Dow were traded back to town for the personnel of the patrol that came up with Swahili - a patrol of sick that were sent up this morning? That should make things easier for you."
Amanda scowled.
"I heard that from Ramon - one of my team Ancients," she said. "I don't believe it. Why trade good fighting men for bad around someone as important as Dow?"
"It checks out, all the same," said Arvid. "We hear Dow was called by their military physician late last night. He was the one who ordered the change."
"You monitored that call?"
"No. Just got a report on it, passed out through Foralie town."
Amanda shook her head stubbornly.
"One further piece of evidence," said Arvid. "On the basis of the report, I had a couple of my staff check the patrol that went out and the patrol that came back It was a completely different set effaces that returned."
Amanda sighed.
"All right. If that's right…" she swung away from him. "Take off any time you're ready."
"We're ready now," said Arvid. "Four minutes."
"Good luck," she said, and went over to her own group, the assorted gang of women, Jer, the five Ancients and the young team-members, carrying their cone and energy rifles in the crook of their arms, muzzle down, like hunting weapons.
"All right," she said to them all. "You know what you're supposed to do and you heard me talking just now with Arvid and Bill…"
She hesitated, finding herself strangely, uncharacteristically, at a loss for words. There was something that needed to be said; something that she had been working toward for a very long time, that she needed to tell them before they went where they were going. But whatever it was, it would not define itself for her. A skimmer topped the ridge opposite the one that overlooked Foralie and came sliding down to them under full power, carrying Reiko Kiempü, armed. Amanda saw the tall young woman's eyes slip past her for a second to Arvid. Then Reiko had reached the rest of them and jumped off her skimmer.
"I got word over the phone just before I left home," she said to Amanda. "Betta's in labor - the real thing, this time."
"Thanks," said Amanda, hardly knowing she spoke.
Suddenly, as if a switch had been pulled, the words she had been looking for were ready to her tongue. With this news everything abruptly fell into order - her silent lifelong love for Jimmy and for Fal Morgan, the years of struggling to survive back when the outlaw mercenaries had prowled the new Dorsai settlements, the sending out of the men in each generation to be killed, to earn the necessary credits that alone would let them all continue to survive - just as they were, and wished to be.
As they were.
Those were the magic words. They had a right to be as they were; and it was a right Worth all it cost. This harsh world had been one that no one else had wanted. But they had taken it, she and others like her. They had built it with their own hands and blood. It was theirs. You love, she thought suddenly, what you give to - and in proportion as you give.
That was all she had wanted to say. But now, looking around her at the adolescent faces of the young team members, at the other adult women, at old Jer Walker, she realized there had never been any need to tell the rest of them that. From the youngest to the oldest, they already knew it. It was in their bones and blood, as it was in hers. Perhaps not all of them had yet put it into words in their minds, as she had just done in hers - but they knew.
She looked at them. Mixed in among their living figures she thought she saw the presence of ghosts - of Berthe Haugsrud, of Bhaktabahadur Rais, of Jimmy himself and all those from other households who had died for the Dorsai, both here and on other worlds. Like the mountains, these stood up all around them, patiently waiting.
It came to her then like a revelation that none of it mattered - their individual weaknesses, the things that they seemed to lack that she herself either had innately, or time had taught her. She had been guilty of Amandamorphism - thinking only someone exactly like herself could earn even passing marks to qualify for the role she had played here so long. But that idea was nonsense. The fact that no two people were exactly alike had nothing to do with the fact that two people could be equally useful.
There came a time when anyone had to face the leaving of ultimate decisions to others, and to time itself A time when faith proved to either have been placed, or misplaced, but when it was too late to do anything more about it. It was not up to her to leave Betta a last decision about the use of the Amanda as a name for Betta's child. Betta herself was the one to decide that, as Amanda had made necessary decisions in her own time, and all generations to come would have to make their own decisions in their time.
"What are you smiling at, Amanda?" said Reiko, looming beside and over her.
"Nothing," said Amanda. "Nothing at all."
She turned to the rest of them.
"I'll go in first," she said, "as soon as Arvid and Bill with their team have had their four minute lead. The rest of you, follow me, coming two to a skimmer, from different directions. We'll use Betta as an excuse for gathering at Foralie, as long as that's conveniently turned up. Actually, the excuse won't matter…"
She looked around at their faces.
"Myself, first. Then Mene and Reiko. The rest team up as you wish. Team members, stay close and fire as needed; but don't move in to the compound unless or until you're called in by one of us who've gone ahead. That includes Ancients. Ancients, stay with your teams. In case everything falls apart here, it'll be up to each of you to pull your team off, get it back into the mountains, and keep it alive. Everybody understand?"