“So noted,” Judge O’Neill said. “Call your next witness, Counselor,” he instructed Frank.
When the witness had mounted the stand, been sworn in and answered his preliminary questions, Frank got down to his reason for being there. “Do you recognize the plaintiff?” he asked.
“Yes. I treated her in my office at the clinic.”
“And was that on the morning of March the ninth of this year?”
“According to my records, it was.”
“Will you describe the treatment you gave her?”
“Of course. My assistant had determined that ovulation was at mid-cycle, and so I treated her according to a pre-made schedule. I gave her a uterine injection with a nylon needle inserted in the cervix.”
“Your Honor,” Frank addressed the Court. “I’d like to retain this witness for further and immediate questioning, but first I’d like to ask the plaintiff one question and I’d like to get one expert opinion from Professor Woocheck.”
The plaintiffs lawyer objected and the Judge again brought up the matter of relevance, but in the end he granted Frank the latitude he asked. Lila Slocum was brought back to the stand.
“Of your own knowledge,” Frank asked her, “has everything these two witnesses testified to regarding yourself been the truth?”
“I guess so.”
“Answer yes or no,” the Judge instructed her.
“Yes.”
“Witness excused,” Frank said. He called Professor Woocheck.
“Will you tell the court your qualifications in the field of gynecology, Professor?” he asked after the scientist had been sworn in. The Professor complied.
“Very impressive,” Judge O’Neill granted.
“Yes.” Frank nodded. “We’re fortunate in having such an expert witness on hand. Now, Professor, just one question. Would a nylon needle piercing the hymen and reaching to the cervix necessarily rupture the hymen, or even tear it noticeably enough to be evident during a subsequent internal examination?”
“Absolutely not,” the Professor replied. “It would be little more than a pinhole. Even if the examiner were looking for it, I don’t know how he’d detect it without the help of magnifying instruments.”
“Thank you, Professor, you’re excused.” Frank turned back to the original witness. “Doctor,” he asked, “does your professional opinion agree with the Professor’s?”
“I’m afraid it does,” the witness sighed.
“Thank you, Doctor. I know this is difficult for you. Now will you tell the Court just what it was that you injected into the plaintiff.”
“Ten cc’s of seminal fluid.”
“Would you explain the purpose of the injection, Doctor?”
“Our clinic administers such injections to women whose husbands are impotent. The common name is artificial insemination. The purpose is to impregnate them.”
“Thank you, Doctor.” Frank turned to the bench.
“Your Honor, I think it’s perfectly clear what happened now. The plaintiff entered the building next to the Venus Observatory by mistake. Because of her having the same name as a woman due to come in for treatment, she was sent to a treatment room and given an injection meant to induce pregnancy. Then she left there and went to the Venus Observatory where the examination she was given did not reveal that her hymen had been pierced by a nylon hypodermic needle. She did indeed have intercourse at the Observatory and this did indeed rupture her hymen. But, Your Honor, that was not the cause of her pregnancy. Although she was a virgin and unaware of what had happened, I respectfully submit that she was pregnant before she ever entered the Observatory. Therefore, I ask Your Honor to dismiss this case on the basis of this new evidence.”
“Case dismissed,” Judge O’Neill agreed.
“My boy! You did it!” Professor Woocheck hugged Frank jubilantly. “You’ve saved the Observatory. The executors won’t have any excuse to cut off the bequest now. I just don’t know how we’ll ever be able to show our gratitude!”
“I do,” Frank assured him. “I know just how you can show your gratitude.”
“Anything, my boy. Anything.”
The Professor was as good as his word. It took him only two days to arrange matters so that Frank could put the Swami Rhee Va’s concept of Causocratic Elimination to the test. He was happy that the Observatory was able to do something concrete to express their thanks to Frank. The Professor had even spoken to Hal Rockwell and arranged for the services of the most beautiful and talented professional courtesan in Flintsburgh to participate in the “experiment” with Frank.
Yet, when the big morning arrived, just before Frank was due to leave for the Observatory he had a moment of panic. It impelled him to call the Swami Rhee Va for a last-minute reaffirmation of the course upon which he was about to embark.
“Suppose I still can’t perform,” Frank said to the Swami. “What then?”
“Then,” the wise man told him, “it will show that you are really in love with the young lady who has been troubling you.”
“In love with her? No, Swami. On the contrary, I can’t stand her. I hate her!”
“Study the Law of Causocratic Oppositism,” the Swami told him cryptically and hung up the phone.
Frank had no time at the moment, however, to study the Law of Causocratic Oppositism. He had to leave for the Observatory if he was going to get there on time. He arrived on the dot and Professor Woocheck had him conducted to the “rehearsal room” where he was introduced to his partner and they proceeded to “get acquainted.”
While he was so engaged, another visitor who had arrived at the Observatory at about the same time Frank had was sitting in Dr. Peerloin’s office with the doctor and Mercy. Dr. Peerloin had introduced the cherubic-faced gentleman to her assistant: “Mercy, this is the Reverend Joseph Goodson. The Reverend has been a missionary in the Peruvian interior for almost twenty years. He was the best friend I had during my investigations there. I believe this is the first time he’s been out of the jungle since 1946.”
“That is true,” the Reverend confirmed.
“How does civilization strike you?” Mercy asked politely.
“To which civilization are you referring, young lady?” Reverend Goodson replied with a twinkle in his eye.
“Touché.” Dr. Peerloin laughed. “But what do you think of the Observatory? Quite an improvement over sneaking around the bushes with a Polaroid, eh, Reverend?”
“Well, I haven’t really seen it yet, but I’m sure you’re quite right. This is a far cry from the old days when you visited with me in the Peruvian interior.”
“Yes.” Dr. Peerloin sighed reminiscently. “There have been a lot of Mother Hubbards under the bridge since then.”
“Still, I find all this most interesting.” Reverend Goodson brought her back to the present, waving his hand in an all-inclusive manner. “It’s so different from anything I’ve known in the jungle.”
“Why don’t you take the Reverend on a tour of the Observatory?” Mercy suggested. “That way he’ll be able to appreciate the entire picture.”
“I’d like that,” the Reverend agreed.
“Then come along.” Dr. Peerloin got to her feet. “You come too, Mercy,” she decided. “You’re more familiar with some of the details than I am.”
It was about half an hour later that their tour finally brought the threesome to the observation room. The observer-technician on duty stood back so that they could see the tele-screen tuned in on the “experiment” room.
“Too bad,” Mercy remarked to the Reverend. “It’s not in use at the moment.”
“There’s a couple on their way in there,” the technician corrected her. “I just got the signal from the ‘rehearsal’ room. See. There they are.” He pointed to the screen.
“Oh, good.” Mercy looked. “Oh, no!” she exclaimed shrilly.