"Wonderful, Professor," I said dabbing my eyes with the corner of my handkerchief. "We pull on your fancy suits and go to Heaven. When I say we I of course mean me and my family, along with Berkk and Sybil. The professor monitors our movements and our leader, Inskipp, stands ready to send any reinforcements that we might need. Any questions?"
"Sounds just insane enough to succeed," Angelina said. "How soon do we get our playsuits, Professor?"
"They'll be ready by morning."
"Fine." She smiled at us all. "We can have a little party tonight to celebrate our coming victory, the rout of Slakey, and the reunification of Berkk with himself. All right?"
A chorus of agreement was her answer. The robar hurried over to open the cocktail hour, and even Inskipp condescended this once to sipping a small dry sherry.
"I am very interested in this uimildecnovum," he said licking a trace of wine from his lips. "This madman has organized numerous religions to raise money to imprison slaves to mine coal to convert it to unnildecnovurn—why? It must have some very unusual properties or why should he go to all this effort? I am very curious about what can be done with it. Or what it does to other things, or whatever. And I am going to find out. Go forth, Jim, and succeed. And bring me back a sample and an explanation."
"Good as done," I said and raised my glass.
We all drank to that.
Chapter 27
We all wore swimming outfits under the transparent suits. Angelina and Sybil looked quite fetching. I quickly averted my eyes from one, blew a kiss to the other.
"Equipment check," I said, drawing my gun and holding it up. "One paralysis pistol, fully charged. A container of sleepgas grenades, another of smoke. Combat knife with silver toothpick. Manacles for securing prisoners, truth drug injector for making them talk."
"Plus a diamond—blade power saw for cutting up a certain robot," Angelina said, holding up the lethal looking object.
"All in order, all accounted for. Just one thing more." I picked up a backpack that had a medical red cross on a white background printed on it. "For emergencies. Are you on the circuit, all—powerful Inskipp?"
"I am," his voice rattled in my ear. "I have countless deadly standbys standing by in case you need help."
"Wonderful! Professor Coypu, if you please—unlock the door."
He threw the switch and the red light above the steel door, studded with boltheads and massive rivets, turned to green. I grabbed the handle and turned it, threw the door wide and we strode into Heaven.
"What's with the clouds?" I asked, pushing my finger into one floating by; it tinkled merrily.
"A life—form indigenous to this planet," Coypu's voice said in my ear. "It has crystalline guts, which explains the tinkling sound, and it floats because it generates methane. Be careful with sparks because they could blow up."
Not only could, but did. In a blast of flame that washed over me. I blinked at the glare but felt nothing. Apparently Slakey had us under observation and had opened fire. Other clouds were now floating our way, but were shot down before they could get close. They blew up nicely. When the last cloud of smoke had drifted away I pointed across the neatly cut greensward.
"There, that's the way we go. Valhalla is a con and just for show and Paradise is still being rebuilt. Nor do we wish to visit the rubbish dump. The bit of Heaven I found Slakey in is off in that direction. All we have to do is follow the yellow brick road."
Angelina looked around as we walked. "This would be a very pleasant planet if it weren't for Slakey."
"We are here to do something about that."
"We will. Do I hear music?"
"Are those birds up ahead?" Sybil asked.
"Not quite," I said, recognizing the fluttering creatures. "I looked them up in a volume called Everything You Wanted to Know About Religion But Were Afraid to Ask. They are legendary creatures called cherubim or cherubs. Asexual apparently, and great harp players, not to mention choristers."
The flying cloud came closer, plucked strings tinkling and falsettos singing. Another swan appeared, singing lustily despite the fact they had no lungs, being just heads with wings sprouting from behind their ears. This was pretty strange and I was beginning to have certain suspicions. "Are these creatures native to this planet?" Angelina asked. "I have no idea—but I would dearly love to find out."
They flew lower, circling and chorusing high—pitchedly just above our heads. I bent my knees—and sprang. Grabbing one by the leg before it could float away. It kept on singing, blue eyes staring upwards. I squeezed it, touched the wings, tried to lift the ribbons around its loins. So that was it. I twisted with both hands and tore its head off.
"Jim—you monster!" Angelina cried.
"Not really." I pulled the head away and wires came out of its neck. It kept on singing and fluttering its butterfly wings. I released it and it floated away still singing from its dangling head.
"Null—G robots filled with recorded music. Slakey must have built them to add verisimilitude to the landscape for conning his suckers."
The road curved through a glen filled with flowering shrubs. As we approached something burst out of the bushes and galloped towards us.
"That's mine!" Angelina cried out happily as she ran towards it. A stained and scratched robot with one good eye. I hurried after her, not to spoil her fun but to stand by in case of accidents.
There were none. It was all done quite deliberately. When it swung its mighty hand, tipped with razor—sharp fingers, at her she swung her power saw up even faster. The hand clanked down on the road leaving the robot with a metal stump. Two stumps an instant later.
It tried to kick her. There was another clang and it tried to hop away on its remaining leg. Then, limbless, it rolled along the ground.
"You are not nice to people," she said, saw ready. "You are just insensate metal so you do not feel what I am doing to you. You do only as you are instructed. It is your master who is next."
The head rolled over close to my feet. I looked down and smiled as the light in its single eye faded and died.
"One down," I said as I kicked it aside. "Now we follow this road to its master's lair. And please stay alert, gang. Slakey knows that we are coming and will throw everything at us that he can."
Sudden memory flashed and I jumped. Shouting.
"Off the road!"
A little too late. The slurping sounded and the road rolled out from under our feet disclosing the chasm beneath.
"Gravchutes!" I ordered, turning mine on. Our descent into the pit stopped just before we hit the jagged stalagmites and sharp blades that projected up from the pit floor below. We zoomed up and out to safety and our advance continued. Reside the road.
"There it is," I said, pointing to the white temple on the hill ahead. "That's where I met a fat old Slakey playing God in this unheavenly Heaven. I wonder if he'll be there now?"
We were about to find out, approaching the marble steps with caution. They were not moving this time, no celestial escalator for us. We strode up resolutely until we could see the throne. And Slakey sitting on it. Scowling ferociously.
"You are not welcome here," he said, shaking his head. His fat jowls jiggled and the golden halo bounced with the movement.
"Don't be inhospitable, Professor," I said. "Answer a few questions and we'll be on our way"
"This is my answer," he snarled as he reached back and seized his halo—and hurled it at me. It exploded as it struck my Suit, knocking me down with the impact. I climbed back to my feet and saw Slakey, throne and all, vanish into the floor.