“Pardon me,” I said.
“Yes sir?” he said.
“I have a terrible memory for names, and I want to avoid a social offense. Please remind me of the name of the thin-faced man with the large hair in the corner.”
I nodded with careful precision toward the man next to Brauer, and the steward followed my gesture.
He pulled some papers from his inner pocket. “I’m still memorizing names myself,” he said. “Let me look, Mr. Cobb.”
He’d already memorized mine.
He looked at the table charts. “Ah, yes,” he said, pitching his voice low. “That’s Mr. Edward Cable.”
“Cable,” I said. “Of course. I met him in passing but he wanted to speak later. Do you know anything else about him?”
“He’s from Boston, Massachusetts. A prominent dealer in rare books.”
I began to pat the pockets of my tux. “I need to find that paper I made notes on,” I said. “He’s on A Deck, I think.”
The steward looked at his notes. “B Deck,” he said, though discreetly not speaking the number of his stateroom.
But he was accommodating. Like any reporter worth his salt, I would keep pumping till the source dried up. “And the name of the dark-haired man sitting to his left?” I asked.
The steward looked again at his chart. “That’s Mr. Walter Brauer of London. An academic, is what I understand.”
“Anything else about either of them?”
“No, sir.”
“Thanks,” I said and I discreetly pulled a half-dollar coin from my pocket and slipped it into his hand.
“Thank you, sir,” he said.
I looked back to the round table in the corner.
Brauer was the one listening now. Everyone else at the table was absorbed in other conversations, and these two men were posed in a tableau vivant entitled “Private Conversation Conducted in Public.” Both of them had leaned their torsos toward each other, Brauer angling his head still farther in the direction of the other man and casting his face downward, staring at the tabletop as if he were examining a rare book, with Cable likewise moving his head closer to his dinner companion’s but focusing on Brauer’s ear, putting words there.
The words flowed on and the two faces did not show any emotion during them. Cable stopped speaking and Brauer nodded and the two men straightened. This was not an off-color joke, gleaned from a rare book. Not a critical comment from one man of the mind to another about the vapid conversation going on across the table. This was just about them, and it was serious business.
I pushed through the dining room doors, across the deck’s entrance hall with its twin elevators, and down the portside corridor a few paces to the gentlemen’s room. I stepped in. I washed my hands at the marble basin. Going through the motions of what I’d publicly said I’d do. And I stood there with my hands dripping for a moment, thinking on the rare book dealer and the lecturer at King’s College, how I might befriend them. If Edward Cable was why Brauer was traveling first class on this ship, the loop was closed now, and my getting nearer to them would be difficult.
I dried my hands on one of the stacked hand towels and dropped it into the wicker basket. I stepped from the washroom and strode off down the corridor.
I smelled her perfume even before I saw her. Nothing of flowers. This was the smell of the green things in the world, the unadorned things of a field, of a forest, hay newly mown, and beneath this smell a musky scent, but something faintly sweet as well, lavender perhaps. And in its complex fullness, this was a familiar smell, as a matter of fact, though I did not pause to identify it. I emerged from the corridor and there stood Selene, not moving anywhere, not addressing herself to the elevators, just standing there.
I stopped.
Why had I not smelled this scent upon her earlier? Had she just now refreshed it while waiting for me?
She did look toward me without surprise. But also as if without recognition. Perhaps I’d misread the earlier look, at the dinner table, perhaps I’d imagined a complex yearning there that did not exist. At the beginning of the meal, after our Liverpudlian captain had rung three bells lightly on his wineglass with his salad fork and after most of the table offered him a charmed laugh in return — swells only too happy to embrace the social crudities of a man with power, particularly power over their mortal well-being in the middle of the ocean — he made a cursory introduction of each of us. When he spoke my name and my occupational justification for being at the table, I glanced at Selene and her look was the one I was confronting now: I can see that some person or other is present here before me.
So just outside the first-class dining room, Selene Bourgani and I stood alone, looking at each other, and as the moment stretched on and she did not resort to social boilerplate, nor did I, as we did not speak at all but neither did we turn away, the uninflected silence between us began to seem like actual, engaged communication.
But then she said, “I believe the washrooms are in this direction.”
Was I wrong about the initial silence? Or was it true and she had not fully realized what was happening? Or had she realized but not trusted that I was feeling the same way and it was up to me to open all this between us?
I’m not the sort of man who could answer such a thing. It was odd enough, under the circumstances, that I was even able to use the part of my brain that could rationally assess her outward signs and could pose these questions. This was my reporter’s brain, my reporter’s self. I was good at that, but I was very bad at that when I was simply being a man with a woman. A woman who knew something I wanted to know about a story: that was one thing. But not when a woman held some secret upon her body I could read only with mine, a secret I would never tell. In those circumstances, I tended to act first and assess later, if at all.
But Selene had me trying to figure her out. Had me thinking too much.
All right. It was up to me.
I said, “I had to get away from that table for a few minutes.”
“What are washrooms for?” she said.
I was ready to think she was here because she wanted us to meet alone. In this last exchange we had both crept closer to each other, close enough to comfortably speak on. Would we banter now? Was that how it was done in her circle? It felt as if we’d begun, but I was hearing something in her voice: the words slid downward at the end of her question. They should have been light; they should have risen up, as if to say: Here I am; we know how this game is played. But I heard something else in them, that faintly sad resignedness I’d seen in her eyes at the table: This is how it’s done, but it’s not going to work.
I did not know what to do. So we looked at each other awhile longer. Then she took a step in my direction and said, “Mr. Cobb, isn’t it?”
“Christopher,” I said.
“Do your friends call you Kit?”
She was the only woman I’d ever met who assumed that.
“My middle name is Marlowe,” I said.
She laughed.
“Christopher Marlowe Cobb. Kit then,” she said. “May I?”
“Of course,” I said.
“You’re a famous war correspondent, as I understand it.”
“You’re a famous film actress,” I said, “as I’ve learned firsthand.”
“An actress,” she said, softly.
And my mother swirled into my head, draped in ivory himation and chiton but with long black sleeves, playing Medea, perhaps as I first saw her on stage as a child.
I hesitated even to introduce the thought of her to the woman standing before me. But Selene Bourgani was a widely celebrated woman. Though for some reason — perhaps that very celebrity — Selene was making me think like a reporter, what I really wanted to do was put my hands upon her. And so a famous mother could be helpful, given Selene’s apparent obliviousness to my own wide demi-celebrity among Chicago cabdrivers and shoe shine boys and shop owners and ballplayers and bowlered-and-bespoken politicians and their equivalents in a hundred syndicated cities, all of whom knew my name pretty well. Maybe film stars didn’t read the papers, at least not past the gossip columns.