In a way, I felt that I owed civilization something for the things that I had seen and done. I could never be a part of them, but I could try to do what I could for them.
You know how if you have ever been to a place that you always know where that place is and can always find your way back? Well, I have no idea where I was for those seven years. Not a clue what direction it’s in. Not only that, but I no longer have that ability. Every living being has that; except for me.”
I interrupted her for the first time and said quietly, “I don’t.”
She looked at me in surprise and said, “What? What do you mean?”
I said, “I don’t have that innate sense of direction that all the others have. I don’t know where Tranna is, except that it’s behind us, and only because I know we’ve been going away from it. I have no idea where the shrine is, except that I have a compass that points to it. I’m the same.”
Sashar smiled and said, “Sweet prince! How wonderful. Do the others know? I have never told anyone about myself.”
I said, “Aeyli knows. But she doesn’t tell everything that she knows.”
She said, “No, she certainly doesn’t, does she? Anyway, I guess I should finish. You’ve heard the worst. So, I stayed in that village for three years. Eventually, the people there gave me a place to live and I worked in their market. I still didn’t speak. It was hard to start and I figured that it might be impossible to change… unless I made another fresh start.
After about three years, one night I wrote a note of thanks, took a little food and water and left what money I had, and left in the middle of the night.
I knew that another village was a few days away in a certain direction because I had heard it mentioned, and I walked in the direction. Because I knew that I couldn’t tell direction, I had watched the sky for several nights before I left and figured that I would be able to go in approximately the right direction by looking at the stars. Luckily, after a day, I spotted a group traveling from there coming behind me and I recognized them and traveled with them the rest of the way. At first, my old panic started to take hold of me, seeing a group coming toward me, but my mind took hold and I calmed myself and was able to go with them.
While we traveled, I tried to speak again when no one could hear me. After two days, I went up to one of the women and said, ‘Hello Nagra, thank you for being kind to me.’ She was astonished and because they had become fond of me, she cried out and hugged me in her excitement that I had spoken. All of them were very gracious and I explained just a little of my past, saying only that it had been a very traumatic time during the wars and that I had forgotten how to speak.
When we got to the next village, they introduced me to people that that knew there and I was received as a friend. I found work and stayed with those people for two more years. Then I moved on and came to Tranna.
In Tranna, I was happy and I began to forget my past. When Aeyli and Alexia’s parents were killed, I felt a lot of compassion for them and fell in love with the poor girls. They often played near me in the market and I had them do small errands to have an excuse to give them treats and trinkets. When they became women, we became true friends. They knew that I had decided that I would never take a mate, but they didn’t know why. It was natural for us to be together… me and the shrine maidens and Alexia, the odd girl. We were like a strange family of outcasts and orphans. It was them that made it possible for me to really live and laugh again. I think when Aeyli and Alexia came back as orphans, I became a little girl again myself.”
I said, “Sashar, come here, face me.”
She turned and sat full on my lap facing me and smiled, supposedly at the prospected presented by the position, her legs spread wide and open over the top of my crotch.
I smiled back and said, “Now look into my eyes.”
She looked deeply at me and continued her smile and said, “I know my beloved. I saw it in the market and I saw it in the council hall and I have seen it every moment since, even in my dreams. You love me. Now that I have finally told my story, I know that it doesn’t matter. Well, I know that it doesn’t mean that you will love me any less, and that it matters very much to you, just as it would matter to me if you carried that pain. I couldn’t know it until you listened to me though, could I? I know now.”
I said, “So, tell me why the training today upset you so much. I think I know already, but tell me.”
She said, “To picture fighting an enemy with what you have taught me meant facing that horrid beast that I… no, that horrid beast who chose to have me end his pathetic life for him. I didn’t murder him, did I? It was he that chose to die, and it was my duty to help him accomplish his goal in that moment. Mark, if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t be here today! I would have betrayed you! He chose to die and if I hadn’t agreed to kill him, it would have been a betrayal of you, my true love! Is that true? Is that right?”
I said, “It is. When that man killed people begging for mercy, or running away, that was murder, plain and simple. The ones who died in the battle chose to die. The ones who tried to escape chose to live. He chose to kill people who had chosen to live. It was murder. But when he attacked you, he chose to die and you did what was necessary. I’m proud of you. The way that you killed him is the way that I would have taught you to do it. I’m so sorry that you had to do that, but I’m overjoyed and proud that you did that for me. If I had been there, you would have done it for me because you love me. If I had been in a faraway place, you would still have done it for me. Even though I was a hundred years away from you, you did it for me. If I had been there, I would have done it for you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you all of those years.”
She said, “I love you. Thank you, beloved. Thank you for understanding and wanting to relieve me of that burden, both then and now. Oh, how old are you?”
I said, “On Earth, I was 45 years old.”
She said, “Do you know that the gray flecks in your hair are going away?”
I said, “What?!”
She said, “Yes. When you came to Tranna, you had gray flecks in your hair. They’re disappearing. I think your new diet agrees with you.” She giggled and rubbed her chest against mine playfully. Then, “You look younger too. So, um, now?” and she wiggled in my lap seductively.
I said playfully, “But you haven’t done your training exercises.”
She complained, “Surely there’s more than one kind of exercise!”
I said, “Yes, but I need you to do this one first.” I very much wanted to say, “And don’t call me Shirley”, but it just would be funny in Barsoomian.
She said, “Really? Really?”
I said, “Really. We all have to be ready for whatever comes. You and me. We have to practice this.”
She narrowed her eyes and frowned and said, “OK. I’ll do it. But, when it comes time for you to defend yourself against my attack, you better surrender quickly! Deal?”
I laughed and said, “Deal. I look forward to it. Now get that fine butt up and do the practice. I’ll be watching closely. Make sure to give me something to look at!” and I squeezed her rear end and brushed one hand all the way down between them and touched her slit. She squealed a little and I lifted her off my lap and sent her to practice.
She moved away just a few steps and started her training. I watched as she made sure that her moves took every chance to bend over, thrust out her chest, or spread her legs as she whirled and struck and blocked and thrust at her imaginary opponent. I appreciated the show, but after letting it go on for several minutes, I walked up to her and said, “Oh, you beautiful sexy little pixie! You realize that you can’t take your reward until your opponent is dead, don’t you?”