“And here I was, Kemal,” said Iskander Pasha, “almost convinced that you had come to visit your ailing brother. Instead it was the lure of Mammon!”
“If you have problems in Yokohama,” suggested the Baron, “bring your steamship to Kiel. We might give you a better price than the English.”
Kemal Pasha looked thoughtful. “Thank you, Baron. What I think I really need is for Salman to rejoin my company and start helping his old uncle again. The office in Istanbul needs a strong presence. Perhaps we can discuss this on our own a bit later. I must return to Istanbul tomorrow and sail for London.”
This remark was taken as a hint that we should leave the room to the two men. We all took our leave of each other, but as I began to walk away, Salman drew me back.
“Stay with us, dear Nilofer. There are no secrets from you. Unless you are desperate to be with your husband.”
I stayed.
“Well, Salman?” asked my uncle. “Are you ready to return to work?”
“I am, but one thing worries me.”
“What?”
“The situation here, as Nilofer will confirm, is very unstable. The Greeks make no secret of the fact that Istanbul is their city and the Russians encourage them shamelessly. The British play both ways. The Germans are on our side. They do not want the Empire partitioned. In terms of business, Uncle, I was thinking it might be safe to move our headquarters somewhere else.”
“Where?”
“I’m not sure. Liverpool? New York?”
Kemal smiled. “You must not confuse a building that serves as our headquarters with one where we bank our money. I agree it would be disastrous to keep the money in Istanbul at the moment. Sifrah advised me to move some to his branches in Paris and London some years ago and I followed his advice. If the Empire falls we will be safe.”
I asked what flag flew on his ships.
“Our own, naturally. We fly the Ottoman colours. It’s not a problem. I could fly the Japanese flag if I wished. When can you start work?”
“When we return to Istanbul, Uncle. I am enjoying this interlude.”
Salman had dreaded any reference to Alexandria, but he knew it was unavoidable.
“I met Hamid Bey a few weeks ago. He sent you his warmest regards.”
“How is he? I respect him greatly. He was very kind to me.”
“He is well. His grandchildren are growing up and they make him very happy. He has something to live for. I saw them at his house. They are polite, intelligent and good-looking. What more could one ask?”
Salman gave a weak smile. He could not resist the question.
“And their mother?”
It was Uncle Kemal’s turn to pale. “You don’t know?”
“Don’t know what?”
Our uncle was clearly shaken. He paused for a long time. “She was found dead last year, Salman. I was sure Hamid Bey had written and informed you.”
Salman’s face filled with pain. “What happened?”
“Nobody really knows. She went for a swim in that cove which I’m told was your discovery. She took her books with her and her towels, put them in front of that little cave and then went for a swim. When she did not return home that day, Hamid Bey sent servants to look for her. Her maid knew she often visited the cove and soon they had returned with her belongings, which included a book of poems by Verlaine.
“The next day a fisherman discovered her body. They say a current must have taken her by surprise and dragged her out to sea. She must have swum too far, got tired and was unable to return. I am really sorry, Salman. I assumed you knew but did not wish to discuss the matter.”
My brother began to weep loudly, calling her name and saying he had forgiven her. My uncle and I consoled him as best we could, but the news had been completely unexpected and he was in a state of shock. He could not believe it was an accident. He kept repeating that she was a very powerful swimmer and knew the sea extremely well. He was convinced it must have been a deliberate act. She must have swum out to sea till she became tired and knew a return to the shore was impossible. That was the way she had planned her escape from the world.
As he calmed down, Salman remembered how, during the first weeks of their courtship, she had told him that if they could not be together she would commit suicide. He refused to take her seriously and had joked about it, asking which method she favoured in case the need ever arose. She replied that she did not wish to hurt herself or be discovered. She would try and swim all the way to the horizon.
“Did Hamid Bey give you any idea as to why she was so unhappy?”
Kemal took Salman’s hand in his own and stroked it gently. “Hamid said she never forgave herself for the way she treated you. She told him repeatedly that the furniture man had meant nothing to her. He supplied her with seed that sprouted. As the children grew and became more attached to their grandfather, she became more and more distant from everyone. She often asked him if he knew where you were, but he would protect you by saying he had no idea at all and remind her that she had caused you enough pain to last a lifetime and if she was feeling lonely, she should look for a new victim. Hamid Bey was totally with you, Salman. He did not sympathise with her at all and their relations deteriorated over the years. She did not find another man or if she did it was a secret from her father and children.”
“Poor Mariam,” said Salman. “She must have been really tormented to take her own life. You look troubled, Uncle Kemal. As you can see, I’ve recovered well from the shock. I have a feeling you’re keeping something from me? What is it?”
He sighed. “Sometimes I think how lucky I am that I have never loved like you or your father.”
“Or my mother,” I added. “Or me.”
He smiled. “Exactly. You seem happy enough, green-eyed child, but the others have all been marked for life. I am glad that Allah has spared me this particular agony.”
Salman persisted with his questioning. “Was there anything else, Uncle Kemal? I’m serious. You can tell me.”
“Hamid Bey told me that she wrote you a letter each week, which she never posted. He discovered them after her death and burnt them. He did not want the children to discover them.”
“What did she write?”
“He did not wish to tell me and I resisted the urge to force him. If you see him again, ask him by all means. It was not something I could do on your behalf. Who knows? Perhaps the letters were not simply the cries of a heart in pain, but were abusive, particularly in relation to her father. I must retire to bed. We shall meet when I return from London and then we shall discuss my shipping plans.”
Salman and I sat alone in the library for many hours. I knew what a desolate and terrible place Alexandria had become for him. I knew how her cruelty had overwhelmed him. He would have forgiven everything else, including the carpenter, but the gratuitous pleasure she had derived from causing him pain he would never forgive. That had killed his love for her completely. All his emotion had drained away. Had anything remained?
“No, I don’t think so. It was a slow process, I admit. For weeks and weeks she was in my head like a giant octopus. I would fight her with all the harsh words she had been spared when we parted. It is not easy to clear one’s head of emotional waste in a few days. It takes time, but it does happen. When I was on the ship for nearly five months and then travelling through Japan, I really stopped thinking of her. Everything was over. I remember the feeling of relief that swept through my whole body. I had finally dislodged the beast that sat on my chest every day, nibbling away at my heart. I wept with joy when I realised I was free of her. It had been such a long time that I was unprepared for the surprise.