Well, don't stand there doing nothing; bestir yourself! (Exit Glasha.)
And let us go too, Kuligin!
[They go. The stage is empty for a little while. From the opposite side, Katerina enters and walks slowly about the stage.
SCENE II
KATERINA alone.
[Throughout the whole monologue and in the following scenes she speaks slowly and disconnectedly, repeating words dreamily and, as it were, in a state of forgetfulness.
KATERINA. No, no, nowhere! What is he doing, my poor boy, now? All I want is to say good-bye to him, and then … and then death. Why did I lead him into trouble. It's made it no better for me! I should have suffered alone! But I have ruined myself, ruined him, brought dishonour on myself,—everlasting disgrace on him—yes,—dishonour on myself, and on him everlasting disgrace. (Silence.) If I could remember what it was he said. How he felt for me? What were the words he said? (Clutches at her head) I can't remember, I have forgotten everything. The nights, oh, the nights are a weariness to me! All lie down to sleep, I too lie down; it is well with all of them, but I lie as in my grave. It is fearful in the darkness! There is a sound of singing as at some burial; but so soft, almost out of hearing, far away, far from me…. How one longs for the light! But I can't bear to get up—the same people again, the same talk, the same torture. Why do they look at me so? Why is it they don't kill one nowadays? Why don't they? In old days, they say, they used to kill women. If they would take me and throw me into the Volga, I would be glad. "If we kill you," they say, "your sin is taken from you; you must live, and suffer for your sin." But I have suffered for it already! Am I to suffer much longer? What have I to live for now, what for? I care for nothing, nothing is sweet to me, the light of day is not sweet to me! And still death does not come. One calls upon death and death comes not. Whatever I look upon, whatever I hear, it is nothing but aching here (touching her heart). If I could be with him, there might perhaps be still some joy for me…. Nay, it's all the same, my soul is lost now. How sick I am with longing for him! If I cannot see thee, hear me at least from far away! Wild winds, bear my grief and longing to him! My God! I am weary, I am weary! (goes to the river bank and cries loudly at the top of her voice) My sweet, my heart, my soul, I love you! Answer! [Falls a-weeping. Enter Boris.
SCENE III
KATERINA and BORIS.
BORIS (not seeing Katerina).
My God! It's her voice! Where is she? (Looks round.)
KATERINA (runs to him and falls on his neck).
At last I see you again! (Weeps on his bosom. Silence.)
BORIS.
We are weeping together, God has brought us together.
KATERINA.
You have not forgotten me?
BORIS.
Me forget you? Don't!
KATERINA.
Oh no, oh no! You're not angry?
BORIS.
How could I be angry?
KATERINA.
Forgive me, anyway! I did not mean to harm you; but I was not free myself.
I did not know what I was doing, what I was saying.
BORIS.
Oh don't! how can you! how can you!
KATERINA.
Well, how is it with you? how are you now?
BORIS.
I am going away.
KATERINA.
Where are you going?
BORIS.
Far away, Katia, to Siberia.
KATERINA.
Take me with you, away from here!
BORIS. I cannot, Katia. I am not going of my own free will; my uncle is sending me, he has the horses waiting for me already; I only begged for a minute, I wanted to take a last farewell of the spot where we used to see each other.
KATERINA. Go and God be with you! Don't grieve over me. At first your heart will be heavy perhaps, poor boy, and then you will begin to forget.
BORIS. Why talk of me! I am free at least; how about you? what of your husband's mother?
KATERINA. She tortures me, she locks me up. She tells everyone and tells my husband: "don't trust her, she's sly and deceitful." They all follow me about all day long and laugh at me before my face. At every word they reproach me with you.
BORIS.
And your husband?
KATERINA. One minute he's kind, one minute he's angry, but he's drinking all the while. He is loathsome to me, loathsome; his kindness is worse than his blows.
BORIS.
You are wretched, Katia?
KATERINA.
So wretched, so wretched, that it were better to die!
BORIS. Who could have dreamed that we should have to suffer such anguish for our love! I'd better have run away then!
KATERINA. It was an evil day for me when I saw you. Joy I have known little of, but of sorrow, of sorrow, how much! And how much is still before me! But why think of what is to be! I am seeing you now, that they cannot take away from me; and I care for nothing more. All I wanted was to see you. Now my heart is much easier; as though a load had been taken off me. I kept thinking you were angry with me, that you were cursing me….
BORIS.
How can you! How can you!
KATERINA. No, that's not what I mean; that's not what I wanted to say! I was sick with longing for you, that's it; and now, I have seen you….
BORIS.
They must not come upon us here!
KATERINA.
Stay a minute! Stay a minute! Something I meant to say to you! I've
forgotten! Something I had to say! Everything is in confusion in my head,
I can remember nothing.
BORIS.
It's time I went, Katia!
KATERINA.
Wait a minute, a minute!
BORIS.
Come, what did you want to say?
KATERINA. I will tell you directly. (Thinking a moment.) Yes! As you travel along the highroads, do not miss over one beggar, give to everyone, and bid them pray for my sinful soul.
BORIS.
Ah, if these people knew what it is to me to part from you! My God! God
grant they may one day know such bitterness as I know now. Farewell,
Katia! (embraces her and tries to go away). Miscreants! monsters! Ah, if
I were strong!
KATERINA.
Stay, stay! Let me look at you for the last time (gazes into his face).
Now all's over with me. The end is come for me. Now, God be with thee. Go,
go quickly!
BORIS (moves away a few steps and stands still). Katia, I feel a dread of something! You have something fearful in your mind? I shall be in torture as I go, thinking of you.