“Did you bargain at any time? Did you—”
I cut him off. “Constantly, all the time. I still do, and I probably always wilclass="underline" me for them or me and Sean for Beau. I know Sean would be pissed off with me for wanting to swap my life for his, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt, he would do anything to protect our son.”
Jackson nods as he listens to me. “Well, all of that is to be expected, but I think what’s happened since you’ve been here is that acceptance has crept up on you. Being here, away from anything Sean-related, has made you come to terms with the fact that he’s gone, and in turn, that realisation has made you angry.”
I swig the last of my beer. “Why are you teaching tourists how to surf? Why don’t you get yourself set up as a proper shrink and open a practice as a head doctor?” My heart is pounding so hard in my chest that I can feel the blood whoosh up to my brain with every beat. It feels like it’s going to burst out of my ears on its way. I turn my head to look at him, and he gives me a gentle smile.
“Sorry if this all sounds a bit harsh and direct. I just want you to understand what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours.”
I smile back at him. “How’d you know my brain’s beautiful?”
His grin widens. “Because you’re related to me and we only do beautiful in this family.” I throw my head back and laugh, but before I get a chance to say any more, there’s a knock on the front door. “Shit, that’s Roman, and I smell like a fry-up. Let him in and keep him company while I have a quick shower, would ya please?”
“Why the fuck is Roman here?”
“Jax, fuck off. Don’t go all Bailey, Lennon, Marley on me, just let him in.”
I run to the bathroom and have possibly the quickest shower of my life, even managing to wash the smell of food out of my hair. I dry it off quickly and tie it up in a messy bun, then throw on some clothes. I’ve been less than twenty minutes, which for me, ain’t bad going.
As I step out of the bedroom, I hear Jackson talking.
“She’s done so well since she’s been here. I swear to fuckin’ God, if you set her back in any way, I will kill you, Rome.” I hover in the doorway of my bedroom, unsure of what I want to do. Okay, I’m lying. I’m a woman. I’m nosey. I know what I want to do, and that’s to stand here and listen to their conversation.
“Calm the fuck down, will ya, man? I only met her last night. It’s… I… Fuck, Jax, I don’t know. I only met her last night, and I had no idea who she was other than your cousin, but it was just…” He pauses and I stand frozen, with my hand over mouth; he has such a sexy accent, much stronger than Jackson’s as Jax was born and lived in England till he was about twelve. “It was like, you ever had that thing happen where it feels like your heart is joined to your dick and balls?” I hear Jackson laugh and I almost do, too. “It’s like there’s a bit of string running through your body and every time your heart beats, it pulls and makes your dick twitch and your balls go tight.” Jackson is really laughing now, and I have to step back inside the bedroom and try to compose myself. “Don’t fuckin’ laugh at me, dude. I’m spilling my guts here,” Roman complains, but I can hear the smile in his voice.
“I’m sorry, mate. I’m sorry. I do know what you mean; I’ve just never heard it described like that, but I know what you mean.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what happened as soon as I laid eyes on her. It was fuckin’ weird, it, I... It’s only ever happened to me once before, that feeling. It was just weird, ya know. It threw me.” The boys are both quiet for a few seconds, so I take the opportunity to close my bedroom door and walk out to where they’re sitting. Roman’s ice-blue eyes meet mine instantly, and the corner of his mouth turns up in a slight smile. I smile back, feeling a little disappointed that the small something I felt inside me last night isn’t quite as strong today.
“Hey,” he says with a slight nod.
“All right,” I reply, both he and Jackson laugh and they both repeat, “all right,” in the worst English accents I’ve ever heard. “Fuck off, you two… and you, Jackson Bell, should be ashamed, taking the piss out of your own accent.”
He stands from his stool and stretches. “I lost that accent on my second day at school here, straight after the third time I was beat up for having it.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’ve gotta go. What you two crazy kids got planned?” He looks between Roman and me; I blush slightly for some reason and shrug.
“I was gonna take a drive along the coast road and maybe stop off at the lighthouse.”
Jackson nods. “Well, drive carefully.” He swings his gaze to me and looks me up and down; I’m wearing shorts, a vest and I have a bikini on underneath. “You need more clothes on… and you,” he swings his gaze back to Roman, “just remember what I said.” Roman nods and they do one of those ‘brothers from the hood’ handshake things.
I sit down on a stool. I feel awkward and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know this person, I don’t know what overcame me last night, and I don’t know why I agreed to see him today.
“D’ya know what?” he asks
I turn and look at him. “Cold potatoes ain’t hot?” I reply.
“What?”
I give a small laugh, “Nothing, it’s just something my dad always says.”
“Right,” he says, sounding confused. “Anyway, yeah, nah, that’s not what I was gonna say.” He frowns at me for a few seconds. “Look, let’s just go have a walk along the beach so we can talk. Can we talk? Would you like to talk?” I nod. “Good, coz I’d like to talk, Georgia, and I’d like you to talk and tell me about yourself.” He looks at me intently.
“I’m sure you know all there is about me. Most of my life has been splashed over the front of a newspaper or magazine since I was about sixteen.”
He rakes his hand through his hair. “I don’t read newspapers often and when I do, I don’t really believe most of what’s written in them.” He winks at me and that little something re-ignites inside me. I can’t quite pinpoint where it’s centered; in my belly, my chest, my bones? I don’t really know.
“Let’s go for a walk on the beach then, Roman Peterson, and I will tell you the story of me.”
We grab some towels, put some beers in a cool bag and head down the street to the beach.
* * *
We throw our stuff down on the sand and both walk down to paddle our feet. Roman’s wearing boardies and a vest, but like me, he keeps all his clothes on. We walk out a little way and just stand, staring out at the ocean for a while.
“D’ya surf?” I ask without looking at him.
“Yeah, since I was a kid. My dad’s a really good surfer and taught me as soon as I could stand up.”
I nod my head. “Were you born here in Byron?”
“Yep, born and raised, then travelled around Europe for a year after I left school. I went to Imperial College in London for four years, got a degree under my belt, and came back here when I was twenty-five. Messed around for a bit while I decided what to do with my degree and then got offered a job over in Western Australia with a mining company; been with them for nine years now.”
I turn and look at him, as I know he’s looking at me. “Wow, so you’re like really brainy. Imperial College, don’t they have teams on University Challenge?”
He laughs and nods. “Yeah, I think they do, but I wasn’t on it. I did enough to get by. The rest of the time, I was in the pub, either drinking or playing my guitar.” I can’t believe that the first person I feel any kind of attraction to since Sean is a musician. My belly rolls over at that thought and I have an instant headache. Is that what this is all about? Am I just looking for another Sean?
The sun’s strong today, and I splash some water over each of my arms just for something to do while I churn that thought over and over in my mind.
“Let’s walk back so you can put some sunscreen on. The sun’s hot today.” I turn and start walking back, and Roman walks quietly beside me. I pull the suncream out of my beach bag and rub some on my arms and legs. I sit down on my towel as Roman stands in front of me, pulling off his vest and rubbing the suncream over his shoulders. I try not to look at his body, but it’s so fucking perfect I can’t help it. He doesn’t have the spray-on-looking abs that Cam has, but there’s definitely a six-pack going on. He has toned arms and legs, and a broad chest. A fine smattering of chest hair runs all the way down and disappears into his shorts, right through the middle of that V-thing blokes have going on. His skin is a beautiful golden brown and is shining in the sun now that it’s covered in suntan lotion. He sits on the towel next to me and sighs deeply.