“I bought this house for you.”
“What?”
“That night, when we argued in the restaurant, when I behaved like a prick, I had put an offer in on this place, I knew you would love it. It was close to your parents and it had stables and you’d told me how you wanted to start horse riding again, that you hadn’t had time to get out to your Mum’s and ride and I saw the house, the location, the stables and knew you’d love it.” I shake my head in complete disbelief at what he’s telling me.
“I was all over the place that night,” he continues, “I was in negotiations to buy this place and I had a business deal falling apart in Amsterdam. Someone else was bidding on this and it looked like I was going to have to leave the country, that’s why I was in such a bad mood.” He swallows and I watch his adams apple bob up and down as his eyes dart over my face.
“But on the Saturday morning, the other party pulled out so the deal was done, this place was mine. That’s why I flew home from Amsterdam early, that’s why I came straight to the club. I wanted to tell you about the house, I wanted to ask you to move in with me.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing, I shake my head continuously, my tears flow, continuously and I hold my hand over my mouth, as I sob.
“I can’t do this, I can’t do this Cam. I don’t want to hear this, please, please, I’m begging you, leave me alone, just leave me to love my Husband in the way he deserves.”
He kisses each of my eyes. “I can’t Kitten, it’s killing me, I won’t chase you, but every chance I get, every time I see you, I will remind you of how it could, how it should be.”
He presses his forehead against mine.
“Buy the house kitten, live here and be happy.” He turns and leaves the room and I walk on shaky legs to the nearest bathroom, I splash my face with cold water and stare at myself in the mirror for a long while. I hear my Mum call my name, so I flush the toilet, wash my hands and head toward my Mum’s voice, wondering what the fuck I’m going to do now. I’ve already called Sean, and told him that I’ve found ‘The One’ and arranged for him to view the place with me tomorrow morning. Could we live here, would Cam really be happy that I lived here or would he hate it because it would be with Sean and not him?
My mother absolutely glares at me when she sees the state I’m in. I claim a headache to Vera and arrange to meet her back at the house tomorrow at ten and we leave. I’m shaking as I get behind the wheel of my Range Rover and see Cam standing in the front doorway, arms folded across his chest, once again, watching me leave him.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on Georgia?” I sob as I start along the driveway to the gates at the front of the property and I have to stop the car as I can’t see to drive, my Mum just undoes her seatbelt, leans across and holds me while I cry, stroking my hair and shushing me gently, the way she hasn’t had to do since the night Sean and I broke up. When I’m able to, I speak.
“Oh Mum, I’ve done something terrible, so, so terrible, I’m so ashamed of myself, I love Sean, with all my heart, you know I do, you know right?”
“Yes babe, of course, of course.”
“Then why do I have these feelings for Cam? Why does he affect me the way that he does? Why did I let him fuck me against his office door just three weeks ago? Why, why did I do that?”
She’s my Mum, I want her to have all the answers, I want her to tell me it will all be okay, that I’m not a bad person.
“Oh Georgia... you silly, silly girl, what were you thinking? Bloody hell child”
We swap places and she drives me back to her place, she pours us a glass of wine each and I tell her about what happened between me and Cam that night, then I tell her what he just told me about the house and then I drop the bombshell about not being on the pill and not using protection with Cam.
“Have you done a pregnancy test?” I shake my head.
“I did one before I went out that night and it was negative, I haven’t done one yet as I didn’t think it would show up and I didn’t want to give myself false hope that everything would be okay and any way, I had sex with Sean, later that same night.”
I start to cry again.
“When’s your period due?” she asks.
“In two days.”
“Well best to wait then but if it doesn’t come in the next three days, do a test and we’ll go from there.”
I smile at her. “We?”
“You’re my baby girl George; I’ll stand by you no matter what. We all do stupid things at some time in our life darling, believe me, you’re not the first woman to be in this predicament and you most definitely won’t be the last.”
CHAPTER 24
I don’t tell Sean that Cam owns the home that we are walking through, if I tell him, he will want to know how I know and I’ll have to either tell him about seeing Cam here yesterday or I’ll have to come up with another lie and I don’t want to tell him any more lies. At least that’s how I justify not telling him in my twisted, two timing, and cheating brain. Sean absolutely loves the place. I have asked Vera to let us walk through on our own; I also called her yesterday afternoon and asked her to say nothing about the owner of the house or our running into him yesterday. The hint that it could lose her a big fat commission is enough to garner her silence and we are left alone to wander through. We stand looking at the pool, hand in hand.
“What are your thoughts Georgia? I love it, it feels like home already.” I don’t know what to say, could I live here, should I even be considering this?
“I don’t know Sean; I felt like that yesterday, I’m not so sure today though.”
“Why, what’s changed?” About a million different things. What if I’m pregnant? What if it’s Cam’s baby? I’d be bringing up his child, with another man, in a home that he planned to live in with me, everything about this is all so fucked up and wrong and it’s all my fault, I’m a monster. I suddenly become aware of a dull ache in the bottom of my belly.
“Georgia, what don’t you like today that you did yesterday?”
“I don’t know, I’m not sure, I don’t feel very well.” My head swims slightly, I feel so trapped by my own wrong doings that I feel on the verge of an anxiety attack.
“I need the toilet.” I head toward the toilet in the pool room and Sean follows me, we never close the door when we use the bathroom so I leave it open now as Sean talks about getting planning permission for a recording studio on the grounds. I pull up my skirt, pull down my knickers and see that they are full of blood. I’ve got my period, and I burst into tears. Sean gets completely the wrong idea about why I’m crying, which just goes to worsen my guilt and makes me cry harder.
“Gia, baby, please don’t cry, it’s only September, we said six months remember? Next year, that’s when we’ll be pregnant, next year, baby please, don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry.” He’s kneeling in front of me, as I sit on the toilet, in the home of the man that hasn’t made me pregnant and I don’t know if they’re tears of joy, regret, guilt or sadness.
“I love this house G, let’s put in an offer, and let’s buy this fucker!” He’s so happy and excited, that I just blow my nose and nod yes.
***
The next few months go by in a blur, we completed on the sale of the house on the first of December but have no plans to move in until next year. I want a new kitchen and bathrooms, the place needs painting and I want new carpets in all of the bedrooms and we’re still waiting on planning permission for Sean’s studio.
We have a massive family Christmas at my Mum’s and leave all of the grandchildren with my parents on the day before New Year’s Eve and fly out with the band to New York, where they’ll be playing at a special concert in Time Square.