“For years I was afraid to speak of these things, but months ago, I told him what I’d done. He wasn’t angry, but he told me that what we were doing was bringing the world to that higher place. I tried to believe him, but when I saw what he was doing to you that day at the celestia, it all changed. It cannot be what the fates wanted.” She shook her head. “It cannot.”
Nasim wanted to believe her, but could not. Still, if she were able to help him find his memories, it may shed light on the key to unlocking his own potential, or at the very least removing the walls Sariya and Muqallad had placed on him.
“How can Khamal’s memories help Muqallad?” he asked.
“Khamal left the island and was reborn. In a way my father hopes to do the same, for even with the Atalayina, he is bound to Ghayavand.”
“Sariya isn’t.”
“It mightn’t seem like it, but she is. She has her tower in Alayazhar. She took another in Aleke s ir, and yet another in Baressa. They are linked. They ground her to Ghayavand, but do not mistake this for her being free of it. She is bound as tightly as Muqallad is. The only difference is the way in which they pay for the small amount of freedom they’ve found. Only Khamal truly escaped.”
He didn’t escape, Nasim thought. He died, and I was born. “Why do you want to know Khamal’s secrets?”
“Because my father is close to doing the same thing. He hinted at it, but he refused to tell me details. He may have found what he needed from you at the celestia. But if we can find the secret too, we may be able to prevent him from escaping. We may even be able to bind him to Ghayavand forever.”
“He is your father.”
“Can a father do no wrong? Can he not be misguided?”
“Of course.”
“Then that is enough. I have been blinded, I will admit, but I will allow it no longer. Help me, Nasim. Help me to find Khamal’s secret, and together, we can stop him.”
“I’ve tried,” Nasim said, thinking of the horror contained within that dark place inside him that he’d never been able to go. “I’ve dreamed of him many times, but never the ritual he completed to be reborn and to grant me his power.”
“Then we will try together, but not today.” She glanced down with tired and haggard eyes at the burn on her wrist. “Perhaps not tomorrow, either.”
“Rest,” Nasim said as he stood and backed away toward the door. “I’ll see you again soon.”
Nasim didn’t see her again for days. He wandered the halls and paths of Mirashadal, reliving his past. He’d spent over two years here, but those first months had been confusing. He had been healed, but after walking between the worlds for so long, being relegated to only the material world was difficult. And then, when his mind had finally acclimated to Erahm, he longed for Adhiya. He wished for ways to touch it, but it had been cut off from him, and he grew despondent. Angry. He lashed out at all of those who tried to help.
But the Aramahn were patient, Fahroz especially so. She helped him to realize that he could touch Adhiya through others. He thought she was mistaken at first, for though they tried, he was unable to do more than sense Adhiya through the learned men and women that came to work with him. They tried and tried and tried again. And finally, it worked. The qiram acted as a conduit for him, after which he could begin to commune with the spirits, he could almost-almost-touch the stuff of Adhiya itself. For a time, he was appeased, but he still felt as though he’d been robbed of much on Oshtoyets. That anger had festered as it became clear he would never again have the ability to walk through the glorious plane of the spirit world. It had been that anger as much as his desire to mend the wounds Khamal had inflicted on the world that drove him from Mirashadal.
Now, as he took long walks around the village, feeling the sway of the walkways, smelling the scent of the sea, he realized just how much he owed Fahroz. She had done so much for him, and all he had done was spurn her.
He tried to speak with her during meals in the great hall, to apologize. He stood before the door of her home so that he could share these thoughts. She would like them, he thought. He even saw her once, alone, walking down the winding ballast tower path, but then, just like every other time, he had backed down, embarrassed over what he’d done.
Four days after his arrival on Mirashadal, Kaleh found him sitting in one of the village’s many arboretums. It was a hidden place, more like a courtyard than a garden. The ground, such as it was, was a gnarled pattern of tightly packed roots. The trunks of the trees that circled the space stood side by side, with hardly a gap between them. The boughs curved up, moving amongst the other trees, until the branches reached up toward the sky, a crown of green leaves and swaying branches that made this place feel separate, hidden from the rest of Mirashadal.
There was only one archway leading into the arboretum, and it was through this that Kaleh came. She was limping, but she looked much healthier than she had days before.
“Good day to you,” she said, smiling.
“Good day,” Nasim said, smiling back.
He was sitting on a bench, another mass of roots that had been painstakingly shaped by the dhoshahezhan who had grown this village. Nasim patted the space next to him. Kaleh limped over and sat down.
“Are you well?” he asked, motioning to her right hand.
“Well enough. How are you?”
“Miserable.”
She frowned, shaking her head quizzically.
“Never mind,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. I’d like to try, if you’re still willing.”
Her blue eyes searched his, perhaps surprised, perhaps pleased. Perhaps both. “Where?” she asked.
Nasim looked down at the roots beneath his feet. They looked hard and gnarled, but he knew that here in the arboretums they were soft as rabbit ears. “Here, if you don’t mind.”
She motioned for him to lie down. “Then sleep,” she said. “Dream, and I’ll guide you.”
He hesitated, but only for a moment. This had been a thing that he’d been dreading for too long, and it was time to be done with it. Strangely, Kaleh, even though they were not related, felt like a sister, a child born of Ghayavand, linked to it just as inextricably as he was.
The tightness that had been inside him since seeing Mirashadal on the horizon fell away, and he smiled at her-a gesture she responded to in kind. He lay down on the roots. Kaleh chanted softly as he closed his eyes and stilled his mind. The words she spoke felt as old as the world itself, and somehow, despite his fears, he found himself falling quickly and deeply into sleep.
Khamal walks along the edge of the water. The surf rolls over his feet, the frothing water cold against his feet and ankles. The sound of breaking waves is all that he hears. Ahead of him, two akhoz walk. They are side by side, but they do not acknowledge one another. For all he knows, they do not even know the other is there.
Beyond the beach, beyond the shallow cliff dividing city from sea stands Alayazhar, cold and empty and haunted. He can see the telltale signs of other akhoz as they wander the city, lost.
Lost, Khamal thinks.
The akhoz are lost in so many ways. They anchor the city, preventing the rift from widening, but those children have been lost to this world. They are lost to the next as well. They are lost to their loved ones-their parents and sisters and brothers. They are lost to the children they might, in a different world, have borne.
Worst, though, is the fact that they are lost to themselves. To save the city-to save the world-they had been forced to remove them from Adhiya. No longer would they travel to the world beyond, to be reborn brighter. They would live out whatever existence the fates had in store for them, and then they would die. Truly die.