“ Neh, I did not.”
“It’s the reason I couldn’t return fully to Erahm, the reason I was caught between worlds. When Muqallad and Sariya conspired to murder him on top of Sariya’s tower, Muqallad drew upon Khamal, preventing me from being born fully. And so, while I know that Khamal wished to heal the rift, I don’t know how he meant me to do it.”
The dark clouds were closer. A cold sleet began to fall, the sound like rashers in a frying pan.
“Isn’t that what we all struggle with?”
“What?”
“Our purpose.”
“That may be true, but most people have free will.”
She stood and kissed the top of his head. “You have more choices than you realize, Nasim.”
She took to the stairs, leaving him alone at the bottom of the village. Somehow he couldn’t find it in himself to rise, so he sat there and let the sleet bite him.
When he was sure Kaleh could no longer see him, he stood and stepped over the railing as he’d done so many times before. He leaned out, wondering if the fates would cause his hands to slip on the slick wood. Below, the sea churned. If he fell, he would fall to his death-there would be no one to save him-and unlike those early days on Mirashadal, he knew now that he would not return. Death would not be a release. It would not lead to a new life. It would not be a beginning, but an end.
As his breath flew white upon the wind, he felt as if he were the world itself. It, too, would one day cease to exist, and he wondered whether Muqallad’s plans would bring that about. He wasn’t even sure it would be a bad thing. After eons, perhaps the fates thought it time to slumber at last.
Nasim’s grip tightened when someone spoke behind him.
“Will you jump?” It was Ashan’s voice, and in it were notes of both forced amusement and hidden concern.
“I don’t know,” Nasim replied.
Ashan approached, his soft leather boots crunching over the sleet-covered platform. “It would be a shame. We haven’t had much chance to talk.”
Nasim didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent.
“I would like to work with you tomorrow.”
“To do what?”
“To heal you. I’ve spoken to Fahroz, and she believes we might be able to do it.” He said it so plainly, but the words held power, like thunder felt in one’s chest.
Nasim’s grip began to loosen despite himself. He swung himself back over the railing and looked at Ashan, looked at his kind face, wondering if he could believe him. “How?”
“Through Sukharam. You may not know it, but you chose wisely, Nasim. Very wisely.”
The following day, Nasim headed toward the center of Mirashadal. At the wooden tower that stood there, women stood on the platform, not men. He didn’t understand the need to change, but he trusted that it was necessary.
When he entered through doors at the base of the tower, he found an empty room. Thick, wavy windows were set into the wood, allowing in the yellow light of the morning sun.
The only other person in the room was Sukharam. He looked over Nasim’s shoulder, perhaps wondering who else might have come. He seemed uncomfortable being left alone with Nasim, but then his face hardened.
He’d changed… This was no longer the boy he’d found in Trevitze. That boy had been young and impressionable. He’d been a mere shadow of what he might become. This young man standing before Nasim was confident and brash. His back was straight, and he stared into Nasim’s eyes with a look bordering on defiance, a look that said he would no longer be used.
Nasim didn’t blame him. He’d enticed Sukharam and Rabiah with promises of greatness, promises of saving the world. And what had he given them? He’d given them pain. He’d given them death. He was utterly undeserving of their trust.
But he needed it now. He needed it desperately.
“Rabiah died because of you,” Sukharam said. “We all could have died because of you.”
“You’re right,” Nasim replied, “though I told you there was danger involved.”
“You also said you’d be there for us.”
Sukharam’s eyes were filled with so much hate. Nasim didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? Sukharam was right. He had abandoned them on Ghayavand. No matter how he might try to fool himself, he had abandoned them.
He was saved from responding when Ashan stepped inside the room. He knew there was tension, for his gaze darted between them, but then he merely smiled his toothy smile and said, “Come.”
“Where’s Fahroz?” Nasim asked.
“Kaleh asked to speak with her. But it’s better that it’s just the three of us in any case.”
He led them outside and down through the warrens of Mirashadal. The sky was overcast, the wind bone-chilling. Nasim knew the village well, but after a while he realized he no longer recognized the path they were taking. They wended their way down a long and winding walk to a massive, open space. Nasim’s mouth fell slack. It was like walking into a yawning cavern. The structure of the village surrounded them on all sides, but it was ingenious enough that wind and light flowed through the space. It was not so different from the feeling of hiding within a thicket-difficult to see into, not so difficult to see out. In all his months here, he’d never found this space. He marveled at it. It lifted him, made his heart open wide.
“Sit,” Ashan said.
Nasim did, choosing a spot such that he and Sukharam could kneel in the center of this grand place. “What are we to do?”
“You will allow him to enter.” Ashan moved until he was standing behind Sukharam. “Open yourself to the world, Nasim. And open yourself to Sukharam. He will do the rest.”
Sukharam seemed uncomfortable, but he placed his hands gently upon his knees. His eyes were still full of anger, but he composed himself. He breathed, his chest becoming full. After three measured breaths, three measured exhalations, he lifted his gaze to look on Nasim once more.
The transformation was complete. He was calm. His eyes were gracious. His expression forgiving. He had many of the qualities that Nasim found so endearing in Ashan.
Had Ashan done this in only a mere handful of days with Sukharam?
Neh, Nasim realized. This was the real Sukharam. This was the Sukharam he should have seen long ago.
Knowing it was time, feeling it in his bones, Nasim closed his eyes, allowed himself to take breaths that filled him with the brightness of day.
He found no peace-thoughts of Rabiah kept invading his mind-but he somehow forged a cool and calm accord with the world, something he’d never managed to do before.
This, he thought, was the way Ashan must feel all the time. If only he could become so wise.
He felt a soft touch upon his shoulders. “Go further,” Ashan said.
And with that touch he did. He realized that his constantly moving mind had prevented him from feeling Sukharam. He felt him now, felt his presence, felt his calmed thoughts and the doubts that stood behind them.
And then something strange happened.
The two of them settled into a rhythm. Their breathing began to match one another. Their thoughts faded until they were little more than one being, present in this place and time.
All as the wind whispered through the boughs of Mirashadal.
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
N asim feels Sukharam’s lives, not only those from his past, but his future as well. They do not come and then go like dreams half remembered; they build upon one another-dozens of lives, their memories and loves and regrets falling like leaves upon the forest floor.
It is not disconcerting. It is, instead, enlightening. It feels like the coming day, like the brightening of the dawn. It feels like vashaqiram must feel. It is true enlightenment, and Nasim realizes at once that he has felt it before. He felt it as Khamal, when the world nearly ended three hundred years ago.
Never before had he dreamt of the sundering-not once-but here a memory from Khamal is revealed to him. Sariya and Muqallad were there as well. They stood upon Sihyaan, the tallest mountain on Ghayavand. No one else was present-only the Al-Aqim.