They didn’t speak. There was no need. The wonder of the night was before them-and it was also within them, Ben thought as he held her close and watched her wonder.
How could he have left this woman? She was so beautiful…
‘Lily,’ he said at last, uncertainly, and she took a deep breath, cast one last wondering look at the sea and then tugged away from him. Just a little, but enough.
‘That was…awesome, Ben,’ she managed. ‘But I need to go.
‘Lily-’
‘Don’t,’ she said as he looked down at her in the moonlight, and they both knew what he meant. Don’t take this further.
They were no longer lovers, he thought, and this was a night for lovers. This was a scene set for lovers.
She was right. They had to move on.
‘Thank you for tonight, Ben,’ she whispered, her voice suddenly ragged at the edges. She was forcing herself to break the moment. She was forcing herself to break away from him. ‘Thank you for the last few days. But…I can’t… I can’t…’
She put her hand up to his face and she touched him, a fleeting gesture, maybe reassuring herself that he was real and not some figment of this magic night, this magic setting.
‘I need to ground myself,’ she faltered. ‘I need to return to my islanders, my medicine and my son. I need…to go.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Lily-’
‘No. No, please. You can’t… And neither can I.’
She was right and he knew it. They both knew it. And she at least had the courage of her convictions.
This night was meant for them, he thought, but he could take it no further.
They both knew it. Before he could say another word she fled. She grabbed her sandals and her picnic basket as she ran up the beach, and then she disappeared into the night, behind the palms, back to her bungalow. Back to her life.
As she must.
As he must return to his life. For it was what he wanted. Wasn’t it? He stared once more at the magic light show put on just for them.
‘Find another audience, guys,’ he said wearily. ‘You misjudged this one.’
But how could she find sleep after that? She couldn’t. The night was long and full of shadows, and Ben was no longer beside her.
She had Benjy back, she told herself. It should be enough. But Ben had lain with her in those nights of terror and she missed the warmth of him, the smell of him. She missed…Ben.
If she’d stayed at the beach…
Don’t go there.
The night stretched on and Lily let her thoughts drift to the first time she’d met him. She’d been in her second year of university, studying furiously, her work taking up every available minute. Up three steps of a library ladder, she’d tugged out a tome that had been shoved in too tightly. The book had come out too fast, and all of a sudden she had toppled backward.
But Ben had been right underneath, ready to catch her. She’d landed in his arms; she looked up into his concerned eyes and she’d been smitten. He had been big and dark, with jet-black hair that curled randomly, flopping over his lovely brown eyes and making him look very, very sexy. He had been tall and big-boned and superbly muscled, and he’d had a smile to die for.
‘Hey, the sky’s falling!’ he’d exclaimed, holding her close. ‘But who’s complaining if the sky looks like this?’ He’d set her on her feet and he’d chuckled and brushed curls out of her eyes and picked up her books-and she’d fallen in love on the spot.
The years that followed were amazing. Ben took life as it came, seizing every opportunity with both hands. Oh, he was hard-working-his medicine was as important to him as it was to Lily-but from that day their mutual studies became fun. They studied together, they surfed, they went bushwalking, they drank coffee in late-night bars, they argued long into the night over anything and everything. It was a magical few years that almost blew her away with happiness.
But there was no long-term commitment. Ben’s background was wealth and neglect-his parents were socialites who threw money at their son instead of affection. And there was more. Lily guessed at shadows he wouldn’t talk of, and he wouldn’t let her probe.
And Lily? Lily had been taught what love did and she’d thought she didn’t want it. Her mother had abandoned the island and her people for a handsome Frenchman. When he walked out, Lily was four and mother and child were left destitute. Lily still had hazy memories of those days, which had culminated in her mother’s attempted suicide when she was seven. French authorities contacted the islanders and Lily and her mother were brought home, to be accepted back with love but to know that the island was not to be lightly left. And to be taught by her mother that romantic love was catastrophic.
So she’d agreed with Ben that love was for others. She’d tried to mean it, too, but she’d failed. Her heart was irrevocably his, but there was no way she could tell him. She might love him, but she agreed there was no future for them. For when med school was complete she knew what she had to do.
And she’d done it, she told herself. She’d come home. And she’d borne Benjy-who looked like his daddy.
Benjy stirred now in his sleep and she kissed the top of his head. The resemblance was amazing.
‘When Ben leaves again, I’ll still have you,’ she whispered, but it wasn’t enough.
It had to be enough. For ever.
She had been right to leave the beach tonight, she told herself. She had to be right.
And Ben…
Back in his quarters, listening to Sam’s not so gentle snoring, Ben was no closer to sleep than Lily.
What was wrong with him? He usually slept the moment his head hit the pillow.
Not now. He was thinking of Lily. Lily spinning slowly in her pool of phosphorescence. Lily.
Her face was right before him, the strain behind her eyes deep and real. The medical needs on this island were huge. She’d been working too hard before this had happened. And now… He’d leave her and she’d sink back into a life where duty overcame all.
She should have time off. That much was obvious. For her to calmly go on working with no time to adjust was asking for long-term trouble.
They had to get a medical team here on a longer-term basis, he thought. Well, maybe he could arrange that. In this current climate, no reasonable request would be refused. He could get doctors and paramedics here for at least the next few months.
That wouldn’t stop Lily working.
But she had to stop working. He thought again of the strain behind her eyes. She’d collapse if she didn’t stop.
She needed more nights like tonight, he thought. Oh, not with him, but nights where she could stop spinning because of work.
And then…
An idea came into his mind, so preposterous that for a moment he almost rejected it unexamined. She wouldn’t.
But she needed it so much.
He thought of the island’s political head. Gualberto Panjiamtu was a man in his seventies, who’d coped with being held hostage with dignity, and had emerged with his concern for his islanders paramount. Gualberto would understand that Lily’s health was vital to all. Could he ask Gualberto to release Lily from her obligations for a while?
She’d never agree.
But ideas kept spinning, faster than Lily had spun on the beach.
He should sleep.
He didn’t sleep. He lay and stared at the canvas overhead, and thought. About Lily.
CHAPTER SIX
LILY didn’t see Ben all the next day. So much for Ben getting to know Benjy. Benjy stayed with her as she moved through the island, spending time with each of the traumatised islanders, trying to prevent long-term damage.
Normally whenever she visited island homes Benjy would dart off as soon as she arrived, blending with the familiarity of an extended family. But not now. He clung, listening in as the islanders talked through their terrors. He shouldn’t be with her, Lily thought. He needed urgent attention himself, but what could she do? With Kira gone, Benjy clung to her as a lifeline and pushing him away would do more harm than allowing him to stay.