She parked the car behind the cottage so it would be out of sight from the road and carried the baby and a few things inside. She watched from the door of the cottage while Ralph raced around the bare foundations then called him inside. She fed him and filled a bowl with water. After changing her baby, she nursed him once again, not because he was crying but because she needed him to let her sleep.
She had promised herself a nice long shower but didn’t have energy left even for that. She drank the bottle of orange juice and ate the banana-nut bread that Mae the midwife had given her, then crawled into bed with her baby and her dog, which probably wasn’t recommended in Mae’s booklets. But first she needed to survive and then she would worry about the rules for child rearing.
She kissed the baby’s forehead and his ears and hands. “I love you, baby Billy.” She felt as though her heart had grown to enormous proportions in order to accommodate all the love she felt for this tiny infant.
With her cheek against the top of his downy head, she used the few minutes she had before sleep claimed her to think about the phone call with Joe’s mother. She replayed the conversation in her head, considering its implications.
It could be weeks-or longer-before the Brammers heard from Joe.
He wasn’t married.
He had searched for her.
His mother thought he had been waiting around for her to grow up.
What did mothers know about such things, though?
Jamie knew, however, that she was going to cling to Mrs. Brammer’s words like a lifeline. Maybe she was setting herself up for disappointment, but she was going to allow herself to hope. What she had to do now was survive until Joe returned from his travels.
The baby woke in the night. Jamie changed him then wrapped them both in a blanket and leaned against the headboard to nurse him. He was getting lustier about the nursing, and her breasts suddenly were much fuller. Painfully so. She worried that she had an infection or that the milk ducts were becoming clogged. She definitely needed to read those booklets, but they would have to wait. Right now the best she could do was fly by the seat of her pants.
She slept a few more hours. When she woke it was dawn. She put on her coat and took Ralph outside for a few minutes, then fed him and set out a bowl of water. Then she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, took a deep breath, and cut her hair, leaving about four inches all over her head.
She had also planned to dye it, but the directions revealed a far more lengthy and complicated process than she had anticipated.
The water in the shower was freezing cold, but she was desperate for a shower. She hurriedly soaped herself and rinsed. When she turned off the water, she could hear Billy crying. She dried quickly and pulled on some clothes. “There, there, there,” she cooed as she picked him up.
Her breasts were as hard as rocks, but their swollen state did not seem to impede the flow. Billy was obviously getting something out of them.
When he finished nursing, she changed him and sponged the cord stump with rubbing alcohol as per Mae’s instructions.
She loaded up her possessions, baby, and dog in the car then pulled up in front of the convenience store and, keeping the car in her line of vision, bought coffee and a packaged pastry.
Billy slept for three hours, which took her as far as the town of Shattuck. She pulled into an empty church parking lot to nurse him and let Ralph out. Then she bought gas along with snacks and water bottles for the road and once again took up her meandering route eastward.
It was evening before she reached the outskirts of Oklahoma City. She pulled over to consult the city map that was printed on the back of the state map. She wanted to be close to the downtown and the inter-city bus station it would offer. Eventually she found herself in a neighborhood near a large hospital complex where formerly large gracious homes had been divided into apartments. Within walking distance were a park and a small commercial area that offered a grocery, bakery, drugstore, and service station. It was almost dark by the time she parked in front of a brick dwelling with an APARTMENT FOR RENT sign in a window.
She pulled the knit cap over her much shorter but still blond hair, lifted her baby out of the infant seat, and went inside. The word “Office” was written in magic marker on the first door. Jamie knocked and a seriously overweight woman with graying hair opened the door and stepped out into the hall. She introduced herself as Ruby Duffy.
“You got a husband?” she asked Jamie.
“No, ma’am. It would be just me and the baby.”
Jamie followed behind the woman as she laboriously climbed to the third floor and unlocked the door to an apartment on the backside of the building.
The apartment was bleak. Jamie took in the dingy windows, worn linoleum, stained sink, and mouse droppings in the corners. The double bed took up so much room in the tiny bedroom that the two bottom bureau drawers wouldn’t open all the way. The minuscule kitchen was an alcove off the living room. The living room’s only furnishings were a sofa and chair, both upholstered in cracked brown vinyl, and a battered coffee table. The bathroom was no bigger than a closet, and the only closet was so shallow it offered only a row of hooks on the back wall from which to hang clothes. But the apartment was cheap and the water that came out of the hot-water faucet was actually hot.
Mrs. Duffy announced that she required a month’s rent in advance.
“I have a dog,” Jamie said.
“No dogs,” the landlady said and started for the door.
“He’s a very good dog. Could I just bring him in and let you meet him? You’ll see what a nice dog he is.”
Mrs. Duffy frowned. “You want me to meet a dog?”
“Just to see how well behaved he is,” Jamie said. “Please. I’ve come a long way, and I just don’t have the energy to look further.”
Mrs. Duffy cocked her head to one side and regarded Jamie and then the baby. “How old is the baby?” she asked.
“Three days,” Jamie said.
“Where’s the father?”
Jamie hung her head. “He’s not in the picture,” she said.
“He the one that put that bruise on your forehead? I don’t want someone like that showing up here and causing trouble.”
Jamie touched her forehead. “No,” she said, revising the story she had been about to tell. “I tripped and fell. The baby’s father doesn’t know anything about the baby,” she said, thinking of poor dead Sonny.
The landlady looked dubious. “You have a job?” she demanded.
“Not yet. But I have enough money to tide me over until I find work.” Jamie leaned her cheek against her baby’s head. “Please,” she begged. “I am exhausted, and it’s getting late.”
“If you’re planning to write a check, you won’t be able to move in until Monday morning-after I call the bank and make sure it will clear.”
“I can pay you in cash.”
Ruby stepped a bit closer and touched the top of the baby’s head. “Three days old,” she said reverently.
Then she stepped back and folded her arms across her ample bosom. “Okay. A two-hundred-dollar security deposit for the dog. Up front. There’s parking behind the building. Don’t leave anything inside of your car if you don’t want it broken into.”
She followed the woman back down the stairs to her apartment, which was more spacious than the one Jamie was renting. Even so, two oversized recliners, a big-screen television, and an enormous rolltop desk filled up the entire front room. Ruby Duffy had to turn her body sideways to get to the desk.
Jamie paid the rent and deposit and signed the lease as “Janet M.Wisdom.” The name was only temporary, she told herself. Someday she hoped to reclaim her own name, but for now she was grateful for Janet’s.
She put Billy in the baby sling and, with Ralph following at her heels, began carrying her possessions up the three flights of stairs and dumping them in the tiny living room, which turned out to be a seemingly endless job. She took several breaks, once to nurse Billy, and others to simply sit and catch her breath. Her stitches hurt and every muscle in her body protested that she simply could not take another step. When she had the interior of the car emptied, she decided that the things in the trunk would have to wait until tomorrow. At least there was nothing visible to tempt thieves.