"All this public stuff is stupid, Gina. It won't hurt me if there's no evidence, and I don't see any evidence. Do you?"
"No, but it probably wasn't the smartest move in the world to rub that in Juhle's face on television, either."
"He'll get over it. Maybe it'll teach him not to share his suspicions with the media. He's going to fight me there; I'm going to fight him back. In fact, I'm half inclined to sue him for slander already. You do slander?"
Gina gave a little laugh. "Not this week. I've got a murder case that seems to be heating up. My client keeps talking."
"Freedom of speech. Use it or lose it. And speaking of which…" He told her about this earlier conversation with Juhle, the disputed time he'd left Echo Lake.
"And you told him maybe it hadn't been two?"
"No, I told him it was."
"Have I mentioned that the preferred term of art is just to say 'no comment'?"
"I tried. I tried."
A silence. And finally Gina said, "So how's your daughter?" "She's a wreck. She cried all night. Her mom's gone and it's starting to sink in. That, and all the things left unsaid between them." "That's hard, those unresolved issues."
"When she went off to Oregon to school, I told you about some of it today, they'd just had it out about what she was bringing up-or, more, what she wasn't bringing up. No makeup. One change of clothes. People up there weren't going to be shallow like they are down here, caring about all that external stuff. So, bottom line, she didn't even give Caryn a hug. She didn't come in and say good-bye. She just walked out the door. And the next thing she knows is her mother is dead. She's trying to find a place to put all that."
"Does she have somebody she can talk to? A regular counselor?"
"Are you kidding? A shrink a day, that's our motto. But I'm not sure that's what she needs right now."
"Is she taking her medicine?"
"As of today, maybe, if I believe her."
"Do you?"
"About as much as usual. Say, sixty percent."
Gina asked, "And how about you? How are you doing?" She waited. "Stuart?"
His voice was different. Gruff, unprotected. "It's started to hit me, too, I think. It's…" He sighed heavily. "It's hard. I get the feeling it's going to get harder."
"Missing her?"
It took him a second. "Caryn? Not really. Just this emptiness. Like the spaces around me are all too big or something. I'm all disoriented. I'm not saying it very well."
"You're saying it fine."
"I'm not. You remember how you said you were waiting for me to show some grief?"
"Yes."
"Well, I don't know when, or even if, that's ever going to happen." He paused, then went on in a rush. "What I've been hit by is this sense that what Caryn and I really had for the last several years- at least what I was convinced we had-was a commitment more than anything else. Certainly more of a commitment than actual love, whatever that is. We weren't going to cheat, I thought. We weren't going to embarrass each other. We were going to do as good as we could with Kymberly, try not to get in each other's ways, support each other's career choices.
"But somewhere along the way, it stopped being… being anything personal, really. We shared the house and were basically polite to each other. And I thought it would change back someday, maybe when Kym left, maybe later. But now I'm just starting to realize that even if she wasn't dead, that was never going to happen. And that's what I feel this emptiness about. It's like with her gone I'm suddenly allowed to feel what's been there and what I've been denying all along for five, six, maybe ten years. I know I should feel more grief, I feel guilty that I don't, but there it is. In some ways, I feel like I'm starting to wake up. How wrong is that?"
"It's not so wrong, although I wouldn't go out of my way to mention it to the press."
"I'll try to resist."
"And while we're on it, there's something else you might try to avoid around reporters."
"What's that?"
"Debra."
"I told you, there's nothing…"
"I know what you told me, but I'm talking about perception. She's beautiful, and whether or not you like it, her body language is claiming you. Wait up an hour and watch it again on the late news and you'll see what I'm talking about. She isn't there with you now, is she?"
"She didn't even come in, Gina. She left after we had dinner."
"Okay. And Stuart? She may be the nicest woman in the world. That's not my point. My point is the reporters have now seen her. So she's in the story. And if there's any way she could get a bigger part in it, that will happen without either of you doing anything. So, for the last time, there's no bigger part for her in this, is there?"
Nothing.
"Stuart?"
He sighed into the receiver. "What I've told you is true. We've never been involved. We've never had sex. Okay, clear enough?" "Except that I hear a 'but.' "
Another pause. "Three years ago, when she was going through her divorce, Caryn suggested that I take her away from all the madness she was going through. So I took her up to the lake and we hiked around up there a while."
"How long?"
He hesitated. "Five days."
"Five days? You're in a loveless marriage and she's getting divorced. And nothing happened?" "We didn't have sex, if that's…"
"Of course that's what I'm saying. Don't go all Bill Clinton on me." "There's not. She would have… maybe she wanted to. Maybe I was tempted. I thought it was a good idea to cut off the last two days, and we came home early. I was married to her sister, for Christ's sake. We had a deal and I wasn't going to break it. And that's the truth."
"Swell. Who else knows you guys went up there? Who might tell?"
"Well, certainly her ex-husband, maybe some of her friends."
Gina's voice went flat. "So it's going to come out. And it'll be part of your motive."
"Except that nothing happened. And nothing is going to happen, I promise you. People can believe it or not."
"I'm not thinking about people in general, Stuart. I'm thinking about nineteen specific people on the grand jury. Or maybe twelve in a murder trial."
"I'll just tell them the truth."
"Stuart, you just told me the truth, and I'm not too sure it helped."
"Well, I don't know what else I can do. Did you hear what else I told those reporters tonight? Something else that was true?" "What's that?"
"That I'm willing to cooperate with whoever it takes, even the police, to find who killed Caryn. In fact, just between you and me, maybe I'm going to try to find out myself."
"Not a good idea. This is why we have police."
"Except at the moment they think I did it."
"No, they're just saying you're a person-"
"A person of interest. I know, I know. And that means I'm the prime suspect as soon as they find something they can use as evidence. And then I'm in jail. I don't want to go to jail, even for a day."
"No. You're right there. You don't."
"Well, then, what's my option? Sit around and wait until Juhle piles up enough innuendo and hearsay to bring charges against me? Listen, Gina, if he's not looking for somebody else, then he's not looking for whoever did this, because I didn't. Have I mentioned that before?"
"A couple of times, I believe. And that brings us to some good news at last."
"What's that?"
"Your lawyer is starting to believe you."
Fifteen
The Travelodge did not have room service, so Stuart let his daughter sleep and went out to pick up breakfast and a newspaper. So at about 8:15, Stuart and Kymberly were drinking their Starbucks and eating croissants at the coffee table in his hotel room. His daughter turned a page of the paper, leaned forward over it for a minute, then looked up. "You've made USA Today, Dad. 'Writer Denies Implication in Doctor Wife's Death.' Oh, God. Nationwide." "Can I see?"