Dio gasped, then pulled herself together a little.
“I was to be Keeper — I could sense it, a little, how horrible it was, what she wanted. I begged Lerrys to take me away to Vainwal. Why do you think I threw myself at you? I came to love you, but at first, I only wanted to be unfit for her!” Even her hands burned on mine.
“So it was Callina. But — sometimes Ashara had to withdraw, or Callina would have burnt out. Then Callina was normal, or else she was in trance. When I knew that Regis would have to use the Sword, I — went to the Tower, and smashed one of the crystals. That trapped Ashara for a little while. I had been trained a little, when they thought I was to be the Keeper, and I knew what to do, but I couldn’t do it in my own body, because—” Again her cheeks flooded with color. “Callina, at least, was a virgin. Callina was in trance, and the Terrans had drugged her. So I went to Regis, and he used his Gift, and — and switched me into Callina’s body. It was I who linked with you and Regis.”
“No,” I gasped, “No, it was Callina, Callina—”
Dio pressed herself to me, her arms around my neck. “No, my darling, no, Callina could not have linked in’ focus with you. She had not enough independent mind left. Lew, remember — you had never touched my mind, you gave me a barrier against you. And I knew that when it broke, we’d all be too overloaded to know whether I was Callina, or Dio, or someone else. And after that, the barriers were up again. But — darling — see?”
Suddenly she reached for me and went into complete rapport again. The familiar solace, sweetness, the cool and delicate warmth. “Callina!” I breathed.
No. This is the part of me you never knew…
Even now the rapport was too intimate to hold for long.
“In the old days. Lew — before you left Darkover — Callina was a lovely girl, sweet and generous and brave. You know that. She risked her life for you. But Lew, the real
Callina died when Ashara took her. Days ago. She was already only a shell of herself, but oh, Lew, the bravery, the wonderful bravery of that poor, poor girl!” Dio,was sobbing like a child. “Lew, she loved you. She refused rapport with you — before Ashara — because she knew it would have given Ashara a foothold in your brain and body, too. With her last spark of will, she saved you from that-and it was the last thing she ever did. It was her death — her real death. You thought Ashara disappeared? No; she had only overshadowed Callina. You thought Callina acted strangely on Festival Night? No. She was only—”
“Don’t, don’t tell me any more!” I begged.
“Only one thing more.” She touched the still?discolored bruise on her cheek. “Why do you think I didn’t try to stop Dyan — warn Callina against Derik? Lew, it was a desperate chance, but if they’d succeeded, it would have played into our hands. If a man — any man — had taken Callina, even in rape, so soon after Ashara had taken over her body, it would have caused enough disruption to drive Ashara out. It might have killed Callina, but there was a bare chance that it would have freed her, instead. Ashara would have had to withdraw, not for a few minutes, but permanently.”
“Don’t!” I implored, sick with horror.
“I tried to save Callina myself—” Dio broke off. “Oh, Lew, didn’t it mean anything that Callina came to you that night, and slept in your arms? Callina was in trance, and I — I knew Ashara could drive me out of her body any minute, but I knew you wanted Callina, and I hoped—”
“Oh, Dio!” In spite of my horror, I began weakly to laugh; the first step of the long healing. “Dio, my darling love, don’t you ever look in a mirror? By the time you reached my rooms, it was you again — in your own body! And Callina would have known I could not—” Suddenly, violently, I caught her to me, kissing the flaxen hair and the wet face. “Darling, darling, I’m going to have to explain a lot of things to you about matrices and the men who work with them!”
Crying and laughing at once, she raised her eyes. “But if it was me, me myself — then — Lew, you love,me?”
Over her head my eyes blurred. Callina!
Her gray-green eyes, shorn forever of mischief, met mine tenderly. “I’m not Callina any more,” she said gravely, “but I’m not Ashara either. I think you’re cured, Lew. If not, I too am damned.”
I kissed her, and it was” an exorcism for the past and an oath for the future. But I shut my eyes to the rising sun over her shoulder, knowing that forever I would walk with doubt, and face the sun with troubled eyes.
Abruptly the dawn was shattered with a burst of noise; Rafe and Regis ran into the courtyard.
“Lew,” Rafe shouted harshly. “Come quickly! They’ve found Marja, alive!”
I let Dio go. Regis said, breathlessly, “Dyan had her under the matrix, and it blanked her like death; so he hid her the one place on Darkover where we would never look! When the matrix smashed, she went into shock, but there’s a bare chance—”
Rafe grabbed my arm. “We’ve got a rocket-car.”
We all crowded in, Rafe driving. The jets roared and we jerked back wildly as it screamed through a long curve and rammed back along the roadway not meant for these Terran inventions, horses and people fleeing in panic as we raced through the streets of Thendara.
Regis shouted, “When she collapsed, they called the Medical service at the HQ, and Lawton—”
Lawton, I thought, must be raving crazy by now, with first Thyra, then Kadarin, then Callina — Callina? and me disappearing. But I could not worry about him now. We roared into the Terran Zone. The streets were wider here, and the jets screamed as we slammed around corners still lighted with the neons of the night. We swept, in a wild slipstream of noise, into open country, and only minutes later we shrilled to a bone-shaking stop.
The sign read: The Reade Orphange For The Children Of Spacemen.
Rafe banged on the door and a tall woman, prim-faced, in Terran garments, looked out at us. Rafe demanded, “Where is Marguerhia Kadarin?”
“Captain Scott? How did you know? Your niece is very ill; we were going to send for her guardian. Where is he?”
“You can’t,” I cut in. “He’s dead. The child’s in shock. I’m a matrix tech, lady; let me in.”
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion and dislike at my crumpled Terran clothing, put on days £go to ride to the rhu fead; bloodstained; my unshaven face, my mutilated arm. “I’m afraid I must say — no visitors.”
Another female voice interrupted. “Miss Tabor, can you keep the hallway quiet? Remember we have a very sick child—” She broke off, looking at the four of us. Only Rafe was presentable. “Who are these people?”
“I’m Marja’s father,” I begged. “Believe me, every second we stand here, we’re losing what little chance—” Suddenly, with almost a prayer of thanks, I remembered the Terran cert card I had stuck into the pocket of this suit; the day I came to Darkover. I dived into the pocket. “Here. This will identify me.”
She barely glanced at the plastic chip. “Come along,” she said, and led me along the hallway. “We had to take her out of the dormitory. The other girls were frightened.”
The room was small and clean and full of sunlight. Marja was lying in a high-sided crib, and Dr. Forth, from the Terran HQ, raised his head as I walked in.