“You are recovering from the most invasive surgery I can imagine…in a world without access to modern medical care,” Doctor Krause said, her voice rising, trembling, “And you think you can dismiss your nurse because you wanted a friend? Nothing about this is normal. It wouldn’t have been normal a year ago, let alone today.”
“It’s not her fault—”
She waved him away. “I can’t tell if the hematoma or the infection is causing the most swelling around the incision. But I need to get you on a round of antibiotics immediately. When did you run out of the other antibiotics? And further more…how many hours have you been spending in the chair? I said the chair was fine for small periods…then you needed to lift the leg.”
Ethan didn’t reply.
“Oh, Ethan,” Doctor Krause said in a sigh. “I need to know everything. I can’t help you if I don’t know everything. Let’s start small. How do you feel today? Tell me all the symptoms.”
He didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t been feeling great. There had been a subtle shift; an ache that he couldn’t get rid of, a headache that never disappeared. But the excitement over his date had usurped his health. He’d assumed the bruising and redness was normal—hadn’t he just lost a limb?
He cleared his throat. “Pain is worse. I…knew I had a fever…I could tell,” he replied. He watched as Doctor Krause closed her eyes, as if she were sending up a silent prayer. “The phantom pain’s been worse, but I can’t treat it with the meds. And I’ve been feeling pressure in my chest sometimes…I’ll feel like I can’t breathe. I thought maybe I was just having anxiety…”
“Stop,” she said and put up her hand. “Ethan. You are very sick.”
He bit his lip and looked away. “Well, I’ll do another round of the antibiotics and—”
“I think we should move you back upstairs. Elevate your leg on the bed. Have Ainsley come in multiple times a day for physical therapy.”
Ethan shook his head wildly. “No. No! I don’t want to get moved back up there. I hate it. It’s like prison. I’m fine here.”
“You’re not fine. You don’t understand…if I can’t stop this infection…” she stopped from finishing her thought. “You could lose more of your leg. And that’s only the best scenario.”
The thought of going through another round of amputations filled Ethan with dread. “But Ainsley and I have a date…tomorrow…”
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Doctor Krause answered with a flip of her hand. “You are ill. Beyond my abilities.”
“What does that mean?” Ethan asked, his voice breaking.
“If the infection spreads,” the doctor resumed in a clinical voice, calmer, steadied, only her sad droopy eyes mirroring her worry, “then there is nothing I can do.”
“I won’t move back upstairs.” Ethan felt the pressure in his chest again. He coughed wildly and gasped for breath. Then he raised his head, and wiped his eyes, “And I have plans. Real plans. Dean and Spencer are helping and everything. Do you know how much that means to me?” He tried to control his emotion, settle himself, but his hands shook.
“I’m not saying this because Ainsley is my daughter, I’m saying this because I’m your doctor,” Doctor Krause said calmly as she rose from Ethan’s side. “There is no date tomorrow. No date the next day. No fun until your fever is gone, the swelling is gone, and your bruising has healed. Those are my orders and I’ll make sure everyone else in this house understands—”
“No!” Ethan interrupted, his voice full of anger and apprehension. “If I’m going to die,” he paused and waited for Doctor Krause to contradict him, but instead she crossed her arms over her chest and waited, “then I want to spend a night doing something special. I want that choice.”
“Choice?” The word triggered something dark and Doctor Krause’s eyes flashed. “You think you are entitled to a choice? Since when do any of us get choices?” She scoffed and turned on her heels. “I’ll be back. I’m asking you to meditate on your health and start thinking like someone who wants to live and not a short-sighted twenty-year-old boy…”
“Who is going to die,” Ethan finished for her.
She paused in the doorway of the den and then turned. “I’m going to do everything in my power to try to save you, but I need you to be smart. I need you to want to get better. I’ll resort to begging.” Doctor Krause gave him a sad, small smile.
“I’m going to go on the date, Doctor Krause,” he replied. “I need this. You don’t understand how much I need this.”
Without reply, the doctor looked at Ethan and her shoulders slumped. Then with a sniff, she stared at him for a long, assessing moment, and then he turned back around and left, leaving Ethan alone, afraid, and determined.
Dean and Spencer moved Ethan back to the couch. Joey had run off on a hospital run with Darla—a task they were not looking forward to; the rotting bodies in the hospital were getting less manageable by the day. The infection raged and Ethan grew tired; he dozed while trying to calm his fever. And the fever dreams left him spent and anxious. When he woke, he saw Ainsley sitting by his side—her hair set about her shoulders in perfect coils, her brown eyes trained on him, her mouth pouty.
“Hey,” Ainsley replied. She held out a cool compress and tilted her head. “I didn’t want to wake you. I need to pack this on your wound…to get the swelling down.”
“You don’t need to do that,” Ethan said. He sat up a bit and reached his hand out toward her. “I can do it. Let me do that.”
“Don’t be ridiculous—”
“Your mother already said that to me once today,” he interrupted with a smile.
Ainsley got up off her chair and threw the blanket off of Ethan’s lap. She gasped when she saw his leg. The purple, blue, and black bruise climbing up his thigh. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked in a whisper. “All this time and I thought you were feeling better. I will never believe you again,” she added with an overly ominous tone.
“I feel fine.”
“Don’t lie to me,” Ainsley said matter-of-factly. She settled down next to his legs and put an ice pack next to his amputation site, and then with ease, she ripped the medical tape and wrapped it against his leg. “You’re falling apart.”
“I’m tough,” Ethan winced and then smiled. “I don’t want to be your burden.”
Ainsley shrugged. “Whatever.”
“The date is happening, by the way.”
She rolled her eyes and reached for the blood-pressure cuff. “I’m not going to pretend to understand your obsession with this. I admit it would be something different…”
“Yes!” Ethan called and then he coughed.
“How long have you had that cough?” Ainsley asked as she adjusted the cuff on his arm.
“Please don’t do that nurse stuff. It makes me sad,” Ethan replied, but Ainsley didn’t answer. She tightened the cuff and watched the dial spin.
“Please shut up,” Ainsley said with a wink. “Your blood pressure is higher than normal too. Man, I have, like, monstrously failed you.” She raised her finger and poked it into Ethan’s shoulder. He pulled away from her touch, but couldn’t quite escape it. “I’m no longer taking orders from you. Find yourself another gin rummy player.”
There was a sudden pressure in his chest and it filled and burst until Ethan couldn’t help it; he started coughing wildly, a non-productive bark. When the coughing died down, Ethan frowned. “Darla hates rummy. You’re my only hope.”
“The saddest statement ever uttered.”
“Date. Tomorrow. Don’t be late.” Ethan coughed again. “I’m serious. It’s happening. I have it all worked out.” His mind drifted to Anna for a moment; he imagined her blonde hair, her smile, and the way she made him feel. The date with Ainsley had started as a joke, something to do, to look forward to, but now he realized how much it made him feel alive—how much he couldn’t let it go. In a world of darkness, he’d made this one night the light. It wasn’t Ainsley that made it special, but the thought of doing anything that didn’t involve sitting around and waiting to get sicker.