It was late and he was tired. It had been a long old day.
Lena and Jackie were sitting together in Jackie's house, and for once Jackie was almost rational. The girls were in the kitchen making tea and sandwiches, and they were trying to digest the events of the last couple of days. They all knew that they had to keep any thoughts they might have to themselves. It was better for everyone that way.
It was nearly morning now. The light was creeping across the sky, and Jackie was pissed, but she was happy pissed. Lena said to her quietly, 'Tell me the truth, did you speak to Jimmy about you know what?'
Jackie looked at the woman she loved, and whom she had always felt treated her as second best and she said, scornfully, 'You know what?'
Lena closed her eyes in distress. 'Listen to me, and listen good, Jackie. You and the girls have to forget about what was said, do you hear me?'
Jackie sighed heavily and slumped down in the chair, her ample breasts suddenly lying on her belly.
Lena saw that she looked older than her years, that in itself was nothing new. But she also seemed a lot more relaxed somehow.
'Don't worry, Mum. I won't cause any trouble, I promise you.'
Lena was surprised at her daughter's answer and this showed on her face.
'I know he did it, Mum, I know what he was better than anyone, but it didn't matter to me. I loved him, see.'
Lena grabbed her daughter's hand and squeezed it tightly. 'I know you did, love.' She didn't add, God knows why, but the thought was in her head just the same.
'Now he is dead, I feel all light, as if a weight has gone off me. Does that make sense, Mum? I ain't glad he's dead, but I ain't sorry about it either.'
Lena understood what she was saying far better than her daughter realised.
'The newscaster on the telly said it was a gangland murder. He looked awful, Mum. Whoever did it done a fucking good job, I can tell you.'
Lena sighed again at the things this daughter said, but kept hold of her hand.
'I will miss him, but I feel really strange, Mum. I feel almost happy, and that is wrong, but I can't help it. I feel like I can finally relax. I realised today that I never ever relaxed, Mum, not properly, and now I just am relaxed. Does that make sense?'
Lena nodded and hugged her daughter. 'It's because you were so besotted with him. The love you had for him was almost like a mania, and you know something, Jackie? I would watch you sometimes, and my heart would break for you, because I knew you were hurting, and you were hurting because of your love. Love is supposed to make you happy, child, and your love for Freddie never did that. Now he's gone, of course you can finally relax, because for the first time since he came out of nick, you will know exactly where he is twenty-four hours of the day.'
She hugged her daughter gently to her again. 'I won't be a hypocrite. I never liked him, you know that, but I am heart sorry for you, for losing him, and I will always be there for you, and so will your dad. We might fight and argue, but we are family at bottom, eh?'
Jackie smiled sadly. 'I wonder if they've let Jimmy out yet.'
'We'll know as soon as anything happens, don't worry.'
Little Freddie watched his mother and his nana and wondered at the way everyone in this house seemed to thrive on emotional outbursts. His father's murder had not affected him at all, but he would still milk it for all it was worth. He would also keep a low profile where his granddad was concerned. He felt as if he could look right through him, and this made Little Freddie both wary and nervous, two emotions he had never experienced before.
But he knew that his granddad had sussed him out, and he was sensible enough to play this new development very carefully. Caution was his new watchword.
The girls came in and made a fuss as they fed him bacon sandwiches and drinks of Diet Coke. He looked suitably upset, and managed to watch his favourite videos in relative peace and quiet.
Jimmy got out of the shower and walked through to the huge bedroom. This room had once filled him with pleasure, and the house had been the culmination of everything he had ever wanted from his life. Now it was just a house, like any other. Homes were not just bricks and mortar, they were about the people who lived inside them.
Maggie was sitting on the giant bed. She looked very small and very vulnerable, and he loved the very bones of her, more now than at any other time in their life.
She passed him a glass of brandy and he sipped it before saying happily, 'Am I glad to get the smell of that police station off me. It stank in there.'
She didn't answer him, and he sat beside her on the bed, and grabbing her leg in a jovial way, he said loudly, 'Are we not talking, then?'
Maggie knelt up and pushing her hands through her hair she said quietly, 'Stop this, Jimmy, we have to talk about what's happened. I know you killed Freddie, I knew it was you as soon as I heard about it. Now you are acting like it's a normal day, and it ain't, you can't go through the rest of your life pretending that nothing happened. You think that if you pretend it didn't happen you won't have to deal with it, or the consequences. But I can't do that. I need to get this all out in the open once and for all.'
Jimmy got up and walked to the window. It was going to be a nice day, it was the best time, he always thought, the early morning.
'He raped me, Jimmy, and you have to look at me and tell me you don't hold it against me because I didn't tell you about it.'
He didn't turn towards her and she felt the sickness inside her once more. But she couldn't do this any more. She would rather he went and left her than pretend they were OK. Secrets had nearly destroyed her and her family, and she was not going to live like that any longer.
'Who told you about it, Jimmy? Jackie?'
He did turn then. 'Jackie knew about it and I fucking didn't?'
He was angry now and she was shaking her head in denial. 'She found out by accident the other day. Kimberley told her, she had overheard him taunting me at little Jimmy Junior's funeral. Kim let the cat out of the bag in anger, she never meant to cause any trouble. Did Jackie tell you, Jimmy? I have to know.'
He shook his head and the droplets of water were cold as they hit her bare arms. He was everything she had ever wanted, and now he was all she had left.
'He was taunting you at the boy's funeral?'
She nodded brokenly. 'I was terrified of what you would do if you knew, and of Jackie's reaction. You know how jealous she was of him, Jimmy, she would have lost her mind and caused trouble for us all. I was only trying to keep the peace. I was doing what I thought was best for everyone involved…'
He retied the towel he was wearing around his waist and then he walked out of the room without a word.
She heard him as he padded down the stairs. She lay down on the bed, the bed she had shared with him for so long, and she was so upset, she couldn't even cry.
In the kitchen, Jimmy opened the fridge and got himself a beer. He was angry again. The thought of Freddie touching his Mags was hard enough, but to know he had taunted her with it was too much to bear. All those years they had been together, all the time he had spent with Freddie, helped him out, drunk with him, had him in his home, and he was laughing at him, he was laughing up his sleeve at him because that silly bitch upstairs had tried to keep the peace!
Her and her getting it all out in the open… if only she knew what had happened to her little boy. She wouldn't be able to live with that, so he was not going to force the knowledge on her, unlike her, who wasn't happy unless she was dragging the guts out of everything, analysing every fucking sentence that was said to her.
He didn't want to talk to her about it. Why couldn't she understand that, for him, it was too much information? He was better off not talking it over, not fucking knowing all the ins and outs of the cat's arse.