Выбрать главу

'No hard feelings, son, but you remember to pay on the nail in future if you want to carry on doing business with me, OK?'

He was being magnanimous, he was being the big man and letting the lad know that it wasn't personal, it was just business. He was trying to help him with his future endeavours, giving him a lesson in the big boys' way of trading.

After all, it was Easter Sunday. He could afford to be nice one day of the year.

Jackie was rocking, and her loud laugh was getting even louder. She was taking the piss out of Maggie as usual, calling her Mrs Bouquet in one breath, and reminding her of her beginnings in another.

It was a pattern and Maggie was used to it, but she knew that Jimmy never would be, that he was on the verge of throwing her out. He wasn't worried about Freddie's reaction to his aiming Jackie out the front door, though, he was more worried about hers. Freddie was always urging him to send his wife home, telling him it was his house and he should not let Jackie mug them off in it.

But Maggie understood her sister's disappointment in her own life, and knew that every time she saw her she was reminded of a youth she had thrown away on a man who had no real care for her and who, for some strange reason, she could not live without.

Joseph stared at his eldest daughter. She was so far gone he knew it was a miracle she was still able to talk. They were all in the dining room. The meal had been perfect, and the kids had been good, even Little Freddie who always underwent a personality change at Maggie's house. They were now enjoying port and brandies and the cheese platters Maggie made up so beautifully, and Jackie was getting personal and vindictive.

'Why don't you shut your fucking trap for once?'

Joe was pointing at his daughter with a cheese knife, and Lena was trying to pull his arm down all the while saying quietly, 'Leave it, Joe, you'll only make her worse.'

Jackie poured more brandy for herself. 'Well! Who does she think she fucking is, with her fucking family dinners and her fucking big house, looking down her fucking nose at me?'

Maggie sipped her port and sighed. She had been here many times before, and as ever she would sit it out until Jackie went into the lounge and fell asleep.

'Well, let me tell you something, lady,' Jackie poked herself hard in her ample chest. 'I am a better person than you, remember that. I am a better fucking person than you will ever be.'

She was now pointing at Maggie with a long fat finger. The nail varnish was chipped and her hands were chapped and sore looking. 'I don't need cars and fucking houses to make me feel good about meself.'

This was a familiar rant and Maggie ignored her, waiting for her to get it out of her system, but Kimberley shoved her head towards her mother and said nastily, 'Why would you need cars to make you feel better, Mum, you've got fucking alcohol.'

Somewhere in Jackie's head the words penetrated and she knew the girl was speaking the truth, but the thought of her daughter saying that to her was like a knife in her chest.

Lena was nearly in tears. She dreaded this and every time it happened it upset her more. She knew it was all their own fault. They had allowed Jackie to get away with it, and consequently she now believed she could do and say what she wanted whenever she wanted. This should all have been nipped in the bud years ago.

'How dare you talk to me like that? I am your mother.'

Jackie had the self-righteous tone off pat, and she also had the look of a woman who had been whipped once too often. She'd been a complete manipulator of everyone around her, and as the years had gone on she'd become unable to see that none of it was working any more. Especially with her girls, who knew her too well.

'You are a piss head, Mother, and you ruin everything because you can't stand to see anyone doing well, can you?'

'Stop it, Kim, leave her alone.' Maggie's voice was calm and she handed her sister a cigarette and then lit it for her.

It was what Jackie wanted – if Maggie wasn't annoyed with her then she was still in with a chance of redeeming herself. She puffed on the cigarette as if her life depended on it and looked out of the sparkling clean patio doors into the garden.

Everyone was talking again in low voices, and Jackie felt the urge to cry that always came when she was with her family. Opposite her chair was a long gilt mirror and she could see her reflection. At first she had wondered who the hell it was, the dark-circled eyes, with their bitterness and hatred burning out, and the heavyset body and hunched shoulders encased in a white frilly shirt that made her look even bigger than she actually was. Despite her denial, on one level she knew it was her, and seeing the destruction of herself just made her angrier, because it showed her the abortion her life had become.

Jackie glanced back out of the window and stared at the green lawn and the small summerhouse that was freshly painted. It was a lovely day, warm and bright, with the sun glistening down on the ornamental fishpond. It looked so nice, so normal and it was this normality that frightened her.

This should have been her, this should have been her house, her home, and Freddie should have been sitting with her and loving her like Jimmy did Maggie. They showed her life up for what it was, and she couldn't bear it sometimes.

Even her children only tolerated her. As the girls had grown up they had grown away from her, further and further by the week. Maggie and Jimmy still didn't have kids, they were waiting for the right time. They planned everything and they made sure they had enough money and enough time to bring their plans to fruition. Even Maggie's little shop was now one of five hairdressers and beauty parlours she had spread all over Essex and the East End. Jimmy had a pub, a garage and a night club, and that was without his hot-dog vans and the houses they rented out. And they worked them all together, they did everything together. They even had a place being built in Spain.

They were a constant reminder of what she didn't have, had never had.

Jackie hated them for that.

Freddie had dropped Pat back at her house and stayed for a couple of hours. They were an item, he supposed, except she still acted like she was a single woman.

He loved her house. It was bright, clean and quiet, so bloody quiet. Her sound system was the best that money could buy, and like him she listened to it down low, not blaring out and blasting your eardrums the way Jackie and the kids preferred. Pat had a chocolate fridge and a fridge for beers – it was like a different world. She was also so independent. Even though over the years this had annoyed him, he liked it about her now, especially since one of his little amours had given him an ultimatum.

He was going to pop in to see her before going to Jimmy's for his dinner. Jimmy knew he had a bit of business so he wasn't expecting him until late.

Freddie drove on to the Thamesmead estate and parked outside a tower block. Locking his stacked-head Mercedes, he sauntered over to the main doorway and observed the kids hanging around like little clones of one another.

Jimmy had recruited a few kids off this estate when he had started doing the flowers years ago. He had got a couple of boys from here to work the plants for him, and they had been sound little workers. He had driven them all over the place and settled them in lay-bys with a flask of tea and their flowers all bucketed up in water. Freddie had thought he was mad until he saw the money he was pulling in, then he had worked them with him.

Nowadays, of course, it was all taken care of for them and they just picked up their poke at regular intervals, but it had been the catalyst for him listening to Jimmy's ideas. He had a good business brain, and so did little Maggie. Look at how she had turned those shops into gold mines. Seven years on, that girl had a small empire and, in fairness, she had built it on her Jack Jones. And she hadn't even dropped a chavvy yet, she still had her tits in the right place and a stomach like a washboard. Jimmy was a lucky fucker.