“Now, we have some idea of what the Cockatrices are up to, due to the bravery of two members of our group. First, Ethelred Toad here, who with incredible bravery and cunning disguised himself in a masterly way as an Indian snake charmer and made his way into Cockatrice Castle.”
There was a chorus of “Ooos” and a burst of clapping, and Ethelred blushed.
“With the aid of a friend of his, who’s a grass snake, he entertained the Cockatrices with conjuring tricks and snake charming. He found out that, although the Cockatrices don’t know exactly what we are up to, they know we are up to something and they’re jolly nervous. Ethelred let off a firework, and he says they all ran round in circles, bumping into each other.”
There was a burst of laughing and clapping.
“Early this morning,” Simon went on, grinning, “our one and only indomitable, inimitable, and intrepid Mr. Parrot carried out a daring aerial reconnaissance of the Castle.”
There were cries of “Bravo” and “Three cheers for Parrot,” and much clapping. Parrot bowed to left and right.
“He swooped down low over the battlements and was able to see that the Cockatrices have several cannons in position and cauldrons of boiling oil as well. This seems to be their main defense. Apart from this, they seem to be relying on the moat and the great door to protect them. I may add that Mr. Parrot flew down low over the sentries on the battlements and shouted, ‘Look out, look out, your doom is approaching.’ Whereupon, I am delighted to report, two of them got such a fright they fell off the battlements into the moat.”At this there was cheering and much laughter.
“However,” Simon went on, “although we may laugh, we must not underestimate our opponents. They are wicked, cruel, and dangerous. To show you how important it is that we win, I want Peter to read to you a set of the new regulations that the Cockatrices plan to put into force when they’re governing the country.”
Simon sat down and Peter got to his feet, unrolled a parchment scroll, and started to read:
“Item 1. All Phoenixes to be banished from Mythologia, together with any Sea Serpent more than five feet long.” “Blasted nerve!” roared Oswald.
“Item 2. All Dragons to be used for pulling carts of heavy things, like building materials, for the Cockatrices.”
“Cheek,” said Tabitha, going scarlet with rage.
“Item 3. All Unicorns to have their horns cut off and be used to pull carriages for the Cockatrices.”
There was a great whinny of anger and a clattering of horns and hooves from the Unicorns.
“Item 4. All Toads to be used for hatching Cockatrice eggs, scrubbing floors, and serving at table in the Castle.”
The Toads’ eyes all bulged with horror.
“Item 5. All Mermaids to be used to pull boats and rafts for the Cockatrices, and to scrub out the moat round the Castle three times a week.”
“The impudence! The impertinence! Scrub out moats? Me, what’s so well connected?” said Desdemona in a fury.
“Item 6. All Weasels to be used as nursemaids, cooks, footmen, gardeners, and so forth at Cockatrice Castle.”
“Me, Duke of Weaseldom, a Cockatrice’s nurse?" said Wensleydale in horror. “Me, the Cockatrices’ footman?”
“Item 7. H.H. to work for the Cockatrices and to help them with the spells.”
“Never," shouted H.H. “Never, never, never.”
And everybody clapped and cheered.
“Item 8. Things to be encouraged:
“An enormous increase in the number of Cockatrices, so that they may rule the country.
“A steady increase in the number of Mandrakes, Werewolves, and other sober, intelligent, and likeable members of the community.”
At this there was such a roar of rage and fury, such a turmoil and such a shouting, it was like a clap of thunder. Wensleydale got so excited that he hit Winifred on the head with his gold- mounted cane, by mistake. Toads waved their pikes with such anger that several Weasels got black eyes, and four of the more sensitive Firedrakes fainted. It was a good five minutes before order was restored and Simon could make himself heard.
“Now,” he said, “you see why it is so important we should win.”
“Yes, yes,” shouted everyone.
“Very well,” said Simon. “Now, I’d like you all to pay attention while I tell you how we’re going to attack and what each of you has to do.”
Everybody watched eagerly as he pushed the model of Cockatrice Castle into the middle of the table where they could all see it.
“Now, this is a model of Cockatrice Castle,” he said, pointing with his rod, “and, as you can see, it is shaped rather like a wedding cake, with a hollow center and four towers. The hollow center is the great courtyard. Here, around it, is the moat, and here is the drawbridge and the door into the Castle. Is that clear to you all?”
“Yes, yes, quite clear,” said everyone.
“Well, this is how we shall attack,” said Simon. “On the left and on the right of the Castle will be two bands of Griffons with five catapults apiece. The gold cannonballs will be heated by Tabitha before firing, so that they will set fire to anything they land on, just to cause a nuisance. Now, as soon as the Griffons fire the first salvo, a highly trained Toad, a cousin of Ethelred’s called Egbert, who’s already in the Castle, will cut the ropes that will bring the drawbridge down. Unfortunately, he can’t open the big doors on his own, but as soon as the drawbridge is down the doors will be charged and broken down by repeated battering from my brother Peter’s noble troop of Unicorn Cavalry.
“As soon as this is under way, two things will happen simultaneously:
“1. Miss Williamson Smythe-Smythe-Browne and her young ladies, accompanied by our good friend Oswald, will enter the moat and pull out the great plug. The water level will start to go down.
“2. At that moment, I, with a fleet of balloons driven by Firedrakes and with baskets full of Weasels, will take off, fly over the Castle, and land in the great courtyard and on the battlements. Each Weasel will be equipped with fireproof clothing and a lavender water pistol. Their job is to fight and harry the Cockatrices as much as possible.
“Once the water level has dropped in the moat and exposed the drains, two or three of them will be marked by Egbert with red flags. These are the drains that lead directly into the dungeons where the Great Books are kept.
“Now, a big group consisting of Weasels, accompanied by Penelope’s Terrifying Toad Brigade, will make their way up the drains, overpower the sentries, and then stand guard over the Great Books until the Castle is taken.
“Now, is that all quite clear?”
Everyone said it was as clear as crystal.
“Right,” said Simon. “I want you all in your positions at exactly six o’clock tomorrow morning, and exactly at half past six the Griffons will fire the first salvo. That’s all, and good luck.” As they were leaving the great banqueting hall, Penelope went up to Ethelred.
“Ethelred, I think it was exceedingly brave of you to go to Cockatrice Castle like that and organize everything so wonderfully,” she said.