“Oh, it wasn’t nuffink really,” he said. “I told you me mastery over disguises was one of me best things.”
“well, I think it was very clever of you,” said Penelope, “and now I’m going to ask you a special favor.”
“Anything, anything at all, miss,” said Ethelred earnestly. “You just tell me and I’ll do it.”
“Promise?” asked Penelope.
“Yes, miss, of course” said Ethelred.
“Well,” said Penelope, “you’re going up the drains with the Terrifying Toads, aren’t you?”
“Yes, miss,” said Ethelred. “I’m leading them, like.”
“I want to come with you,” said Penelope.
“ ’Ere! No, ’old on a minute, miss,” said Ethelred in a panic. “That’s not fair. I can’t take you with me, ’onest. If anything happened to you I’d never forgive meself, and neither would anyone else.”
“A promise is a promise,” said Penelope. “I’m not just going to sit here while everyone else is doing something. I must come with you, please, Ethelred. I’ll wear one of those nice, red uniforms and pile my hair up under the hat. I promise to do exactly what I’m told and you’ll protect me.”
“Blimey, miss,” said Ethelred miserably. “If any of the others should ’ear of this, they’d skin me, ’onest they would.” “Then you’ll do it?” cried Penelope.
“Well, I promised, didn’t I?” said Ethelred. “So I suppose I’ll ’ave to. Only please, miss, do take care, won’t you, because it won’t ’alf be dangerous.”
“I’ll take great care,” Penelope promised.
Parrot had chosen to be General Overseer over the whole battle. He was to fly round and round the Castle, supervising the action generally and taking reports back to H.H., whose private balloon was to be tethered at a vantage point where he could see what was going on.
At ten minutes to six the following morning H.H.’s balloon slowly rose into the sky at the end of its long, silken rope. H.H. was armed with a lavender water pistol, just in case; a large packet of sandwiches; a bottle of moon-carrot ginger beer; and Parrot’s telescope. Parrot perched on the side of the basket, ready to fly off when the battle commenced.
On the dot of six, the Griffons maneuvered their catapults into position, and a battalion of Weasels placed neat piles of cannonballs by each one. Tabitha ran from pile to pile, heating them up with her breath until they glowed and almost melted.
In the meantime, the Weasels, Toads, Mermaids, and Oswald had concealed themselves in the cork forest near the edge of the moat. Behind a small range of hills opposite the drawbridge Peter had drawn up his cavalry and Simon had all his balloons tethered. All was now in readiness, and they waited patiently, and a bit fearfully, for H.H. to give the signal.
At half past six precisely, H.H. leant out of his basket and waved a large, green flag with gold stripes, which was the flag of Mythologia, and the battle for Cockatrice Castle began.
Eight Griffons using their long ladles loaded the golden cannonballs onto the catapults. Eight other Griffons, at a signal from their leader, pressed the levers and the catapults went off, shooting the golden cannonballs, glittering and whining, through the sky to crash into the battlements of the Castle, where they lay smoldering while the Cockatrices rushed about with buckets of water trying to put them out. After three salvos, the top part of the battlements was nearly in ruins and many parts were on fire, and the Cockatrices were so disorganized that it was obvious they had been taken unawares. They did manage to drag several of their cannons into new positions and fire a few rounds at the Griffons, but their aim, unlike the Griffons’, was bad.
As this was happening, the great drawbridge suddenly fell with a crash like thunder, and H.H.’s forces knew that Egbert, the Toad, had successfully cut the ropes. Immediately, Peter, in his handsome blue and gold uniform that Penelope had made specially for him, blew the charge on his trumpet. A hundred and fifty Unicorns in lavender and white came over the brow of the hill, shoulder to shoulder. At first they trotted, and as they neared the wide drawbridge, Peter gave an order and they formed a column of four. Another order and they changed from a trot to a canter and then from a canter to a gallop. Nostrils wide, horns flashing in the rising sun, they galloped down toward the drawbridge. As the first wave galloped onto it, their hooves sounded like thunder on the wood, and then there was a splintering crash as their horns dug deeply into the great wooden door.
Wave upon wave of Unicorns thundered across the drawbridge and crashed into the door, which slowly but surely was starting to splinter and fall to pieces under this onslaught. Desperately, the Cockatrices dragged some of their huge cauldrons of boiling oil to the edge of the battlements above the drawbridge and tipped them over. Parrot, circling just above, shouted a warning, and the Unicorns leapt out of the way as the oil splashed and bubbled onto the drawbridge. Then a picked body of Weasels, carrying buckets, ran onto the drawbridge and scattered sand and gravel over the oil, so that the Unicorns would not slip.
As the first wave of Unicorns was galloping across the drawbridge, Oswald, carrying Desdemona and her young ladies— riding sidesaddle—on his back, made his way out of the cork forest and down to the moat. The Cockatrices trained their cannon on him and fired again and again. Cannonballs thudded into the ground all round Oswald, hissing through the air and ploughing up the purple grass, but, although he was a large target, neither he nor the Mermaids were hit. They reached the moat safely and submerged beneath the water.
As they did so, from behind the hills Simon’s aerial attack started. The transparent balloons, glittering all the colors of the rainbow with the Firedrakes inside them, rose into the sky. Dangling beneath each was a basket full of infuriated Weasels. The Weasels had, in fact, drunk so much rue that Simon had had great difficulty preventing them from fighting each other as they waited for the signal to take off. As the balloons drifted over the battlements, furious Cockatrices spat great gulps of flame at them, but they were too far away. The Weasels retaliated by bursts from their lavender water pistols, and they soon had the Cockatrices on the battlements gasping and coughing and reeling about with streaming eyes. One of them, in fact, sneezed so hard that he fell into a cauldron of boiling oil. Gradually, the balloons with their cheering cargo of Weasels floated over the battlements and started to descend into the great courtyard.
In the depths of the moat, meanwhile, Desdemona and the young ladies had found the great plug. It had been hard to find, because they only knew approximately where it was, and it was covered with sludge and slime, so they could not see it at first. They discovered it at last and attached a rope to the ring in it, then with some difficulty attached the rope to Oswald. The problem was that when they tried to tie the rope round Oswald’s middle, he, being exceedingly ticklish, giggled so much that he had to come up for air. In the end, they fastened the rope round his neck. Then with Oswald and all the Mermaids pulling, they managed at last to get the great plug loose. There was a great glup of muddy water, and H.H., watching through
his telescope, saw a whirlpool form over the hole. There was a whoosh and gurgle like a giant bath being emptied, and the water level in the moat started to go down rapidly.
The Cockatrices were thoroughly muddled by so many different attacks, but they still fought on grimly. Cannonballs from the Griffons continued to thud into the battlements. The great doors of the Castle had been almost cut to pieces by the Unicorns’ horns. Simon’s balloons had just landed in the great courtyard, and the Cockatrices were being attacked by bloodthirsty Weasels with lavender water pistols.