Klara paused for a moment, smiled at Simon, and then went on:
“I was forced to seek employment, and found a job working for a photographer as his receptionist. Coming into contact with so many people there, I was courted and even proposed to several times, but I brushed them all aside with a smile. All men thought, looking at me: ‘There’s something so tender about her, so domestic-motherly, she’d be a good one!’ But I didn’t become anyone’s ‘good one.’ My position allowed me certain expenditures, at least I was able to keep all my lovely dresses, which has proved useful to this day. My boss was a man I was able to respect, which made my work much easier, and I performed my work as if caught up in a quiet pleasant dream. I’d accustomed myself to flashing a quite particular smile when clients came in, and this made me quite popular, everyone thought I was kind, and I attracted customers, which prompted my employer to increase my salary. At the time I was almost happy. Everything vanished before me in a haze of lovely sweet memories. I felt the approach of my labor pains, and this contributed to my melancholy-happy mood. It was snowing, the streets were completely enveloped in flakes. And when in the evening I walked through the snowy streets, I thought of you brothers, you and Kaspar and a great deal of Hedwig, to whom I paid grateful homage in my thoughts and feelings. I only allowed myself to write her a single time. She never answered. ‘But that’s for the best,’ I thought. I found myself too for the best when I thought such things. I was becoming more and more fulfilled by everything, and I walked always with slow steps, feeling every footstep as an act of human kindness. Meanwhile I gave up my elegant room in the center of town and found lodgings here where you now see me. In the morning and evening I’d ride the electric streetcar back and forth, always attracting the attention of the other passengers. There was something odd about me, I myself could feel this. Many unconsciously starting talking to me, a few wishing just to exchange a word or two, and others to make my acquaintance. But acquaintances no longer had much appeal for me. I thought I could tell everything in advance, and this gave me such a decisive, rejecting but also gentle feeling that soothed me. Men! How often they spoke to me. They resembled curious children who wanted to know what I did, where I lived, whom I knew, where I ate lunch and how I was in the habit of spending my evenings. They appeared to me like innocent, rather importunate children; that’s what I was like at the time. Never did I respond harshly to a single one of them; I had no need to, for not one man allowed himself liberties: To them I was a lady who simultaneously attracted them and left them cold. Once a small, clever-looking girl spoke to me, this was Rosa, the Rosa you know. She revealed all her sufferings to me and her life story, the two of us became friends, and now she’s gone and married, though I advised her not to. She often visits me, me, the Queen of the Poor!” —
Again Klara fell silent for a moment, looking at Simon with childish amusement, and then went on speaking:
“The Queen of the Poor! Yes, that’s who I am. Do you not see how regally your Klara is dressed? This is a dress left over from my ball wardrobe: with a low-cut back! After all, I do have to keep up appearances given my status as regent. My adherents like to see me dressed like this, they have a taste for majesty, the splendor of a ball gown makes quite a singular impression in this realm of stained gray female garments. One must stand out, dear Simon, if one wishes to have influence, yet please do keep listening to everything in order. What an expert, pleasant listener you are. No one listens like you! It’s one of your good qualities. It feels so natural, so lovely to be telling you things: When I moved here to this remote neighborhood, I slowly but surely learned to love the poor, the ones who’ve been thrust to the other, darker side of the world, the masses, as this entire world of longing and hardship is dismissively called. I saw I could be needed here, and without forcing the matter or making any fuss about it, I found a place for myself here, and now in fact I am needed. If I were to leave again today, these people, these womenfolk, children and men would wail with sorrow. At the beginning I was put off, actually repulsed by their squalor, but then I saw that this squalor was not so hideous when seen from close up as from a stiff grandiose distance. I taught my hands and even my mouth how to touch these children whose faces were not the cleanest. I accustomed myself to shaking the rough hands of workers and day-laborers, and quickly noticed the gentleness with which these people took my hand. I found many things in this world that reminded me of you two, of you and Kaspar. A great many delicate and hidden things finally enticed me to become the mistress of and advocate for these people. Doing so was simultaneously easy and difficult. The womenfolk for one thing! How much effort it cost to convince them of their infirmities and horrific failings such that they gradually were seized by a desire to free themselves from their disgrace. I introduced them to the blessings and pleasures of cleanliness and I saw that after their long, distrustful hesitation they came to take great pleasure in it. The men proved easier to influence: I was beautiful, and so they obeyed me better, and were more talented in grasping my simple lessons. Simon! If you only knew how happy it makes me to have become a secret educator of these poor people! How little one needs to know to find people even more impoverished in knowledge whom one can guide. No, knowledge itself is not enough. Here one needs the courage and the desire to take a stand vigorously, to shore up one’s stand with clemency and pride, and to approach others with passion. I accustomed myself to a way of speaking that explained all the learning I possessed and could impart in a readily graspable way, using the sorts of expressions loved by the humble and humiliated. And so I became their ruler by adapting myself to their thoughts and feelings, though often these were not to my taste. But with time I found them to my taste. A person who exerts influence simultaneously has a talent for being imperceptibly influenced by those he’s influencing. One’s heart and habits can easily bring this about. And then one day as I lay in bed, painfully awaiting the arrival of my child who is asleep there in the next room, they came to me, the women and girls, they tended and cared for me and showered me with kindnesses until I was able to get up again. During this time, their menfolk asked after me with concern, and when they saw me again, they seemed delighted to be finding me even more beautiful than before. Thus did they honor their queen. This was in the springtime. Still rather weak from giving birth, I sat in my room covered with flowers, for all of them brought me flowers, as many as they could manage. A wealthy young man from the neighborhood often visited me and I allowed him to sit at my feet; I saw this as a sort of tribute, and it was tender of him. One day he implored me to become his wife. I pointed to the child, yet this only encouraged him to repeat his proposals, which struck me as rather peculiar, over the following days. He told me the whole story of his empty restless life, and I felt pity for him and promised him my hand in marriage. A mere gesture or glance from me is enough to satisfy him, and he loves me in such a way that I am conscious of it at every moment. If I say to him: ‘Artur, it’s impossible,’ he turns pale and I must fear some calamity. He’s in a position of utter helplessness before me, and I lack the strength to make him unhappy. Besides, he’s rich, and I need money for my people, and he’ll give it to us. He does everything I want. He won’t allow me to ask for things, instead he asks me to command him. That’s how it is with him. He’s about to come now, I’ll introduce you to him. Or would you rather go? You look as though you’re about to leave. Well, go then! Perhaps it’s better this way. Yes, it’s better. He would be suspicious. In this regard he’s quite awful. He’s perfectly capable of banging his head against the wall until it bleeds if he sees me with a young man. Besides, I don’t want to have anyone else here when you’re here. And when others are here, you shouldn’t be. I want to have you all to myself, to myself alone. There’s so much more I must say to you about how all of this came to be. We say so much, but are these the right things? — Go now. I know you’ll come back again soon. Besides, I’ll write to you. Leave me your address. Well then, farewell!”