“A tigress must be satisfied. That’s why—”
“About my brother’s friends!” she continued, her voice tight with panic. “Boys! Young, teenage boys in their football gear with their tight bottoms lifting up.” She swallowed. “I was watching a game and you don’t want to know what I was thinking!”
He could well imagine. But she didn’t stop long enough for him to comment.
“I touched one of them. Not on purpose. Well, yes on purpose, but not because I meant to. I mean…” She closed her eyes.
“Did you hurt him?”
“What? No! I was working concessions and he came for a drink. A bottled purple…whatever. I took his money. I got his bottle. But when I was handing it over…” Her voice broke. “He wasn’t even cute, but it didn’t matter. He was young and healthy and when I touched his hand, I looked into his eyes.” She raised her gaze, humiliation staining her cheeks. “I licked my lips and smiled. It wasn’t anything, except it was. He knew what I meant. I knew what I meant. Thank God there were other people there. Part of me was ready to take him behind the bleachers right then and there!”
He frowned, not understanding her panic. “But you did nothing wrong.”
“But I wanted to! Don’t you see? He was my brother’s friend!” Her voice was rising on a wail of panic that would soon alert his neighbors. And then she startled him. She shoved hard against the doorway, her hunger overcoming her natural restraint. “Please let me in, Nathan.”
He stared at her, his thoughts whirling in confusion. He had grown up in a tigress temple, seen women learning the ways of sexuality from the moment he could focus his vision. His own dragon education had begun when he was just learning to read; in fact, his first Chinese characters had been learned from the sacred texts. Never, ever had he met a woman so stubbornly confused by her own sexuality. And that, heaven help him, was in part why she was so attractive to him.
Every woman at the temple had tried to seduce him or his brother at one time or another. They were the only men around. But Nathan had never felt such an incredible pull toward any of them. Tracy was the exact opposite of every woman he’d ever known. She was competent at business, strong physically, and not in the least bit averse to hard work. And yet on the sexual side, she was nervous and uncertain. Before all this had begun, she’d been a shy flirt. And now, she resisted her sexuality until she was literally sick with it. Who could understand such a woman? And who could resist teaching her to embrace her feminine power?
“Nathan,” she whispered, her voice making his belly tighten with hunger. “Please. I don’t want them. I want you.”
“Why did you wait?” he pressed.
“I…I…” She swallowed, then she looked into his eyes and he saw stark terror in them. “I’m afraid. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be like this.”
“But why?” He truly didn’t understand. What woman wouldn’t want to be a sexual goddess? A woman lusted after by every man alive?
“Just make it go away. Make it all stop.”
“You have to come to a class, Tracy. You have to learn to control the tigress.” The need to comfort her burned inside. He wanted to hold her, to take the fear from her eyes. But if he touched her, if he once gave in to temptation, there would be no stopping. He was already rock hard, his every cell straining for her. “I cannot take advantage of you like this,” he said, as much to himself as to her.
“I’ll pay you.”
He blinked, her words dousing his fire more effectively than a cold shower. “I’m sorry?”
She blanched, then abruptly rubbed her hand over her face. “I don’t know what I’m saying. Nathan, I don’t know what to do!”
God help him, he was tempted. She obviously needed help. She didn’t yet realize that she would need balancing on a regular basis. Weekly, at least. It was not as if it were a hardship for him, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t use her like that even though every cell in his body screamed for him to ease her suffering.
Nathan moved fast. Spinning around, he grabbed a book off his shelf, then returned to the door to block it before she could push her way in. He nearly didn’t make it. She had her shoulder against the door, but he caught it before she could nudge it open. He shoved the book at her, careful not to touch her or his resistance would crumple entirely.
“Study this,” he said. “It will give you basic exercises. Don’t come back until you have mastered the initial forms.”
She stared at him, her mouth slipping open in shock. “You want me to read a book?” she gasped. “When you could…When we could be…You want me to read?”
No! “Yes.”
Her eyes widened as the truth finally hit her. He wasn’t going to touch her tonight. “But there’s another football game tomorrow evening!”
He tried not to imagine it. He tried not to think of her under the bleachers with any one of the willing American boys who would happily join her there. “Read fast,” he said. And then he did the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life.
He shut the door.
Chapter 8
TRACY WAS SITTING by his door when he returned from class the next day. Her body still radiated beauty, but her shoulders were slumped with defeat.
He knelt down before her, his sympathy fully engaged. “You could have used your pass key.”
She frowned. “I wouldn’t violate your privacy that way.”
Progress. “Why are you here, Tracy?”
“I went to a bar.”
His breath stopped and his mind reeled. She didn’t look hurt, but anything could have happened. The dangers—
“I thought if you wouldn’t help, then someone else would.”
“Tracy,” he whispered, unable to say more. But a wealth of anguish vibrated through her name. She must have heard it because her gaze jumped to his.
“I couldn’t do it, Nathan. If my vibrator wasn’t doing what I needed, then meaningless sex with a stranger wouldn’t, either.” She shuddered then she looked him straight in the eye. “I want you. I’ve wanted you for months.”
His breath froze in his chest. What had happened to his shy landlord? The one who flirted so sweetly, but never went beyond the initial stages? He knew the answer. He knew and he mourned. “You’re a tigress, Tracy. You want to train, to go to the temple and eventually to walk with divine angels. You don’t actually want me.” He swallowed.
It killed him to say it, but he had to remind himself that it was the truth. She was a tigress. She was destined for bigger things than him. And no matter how much she thought she wanted him right now, he was only one step on the path. Hadn’t he experienced exactly that dozens of times? How many tigresses had sworn they wanted only him? Then once their needs had been met, they’d moved on to the next man. It was what tigresses did. They craved yang power from as many men as possible as often as possible.
As long as he remembered that, then he could teach Tracy and send her to the temple. Sighing, he cupped her elbow. “Come inside.”
She nodded, already straightening. “I want to learn, Nathan. I’ll do whatever it takes.” Then she flashed him a wry smile. “But it’s gotta be fast. There’s another football game in a few hours.”
“Enlightenment doesn’t have a schedule, you know.”
She grinned, and for the first time in a long while, he saw hope sparkle in her eyes. “I have faith in you.”
He didn’t answer. As a teacher, he knew he should remind her that her faith should be placed in herself, but Nathan couldn’t quite say the words. He liked her reliance on him. He wanted to be the one to show her the path to Truth. And so he opened his apartment door to her.
“I read your book,” she said as he locked the door behind her. “I tried the exercises, but…”