Any residual heavenly glow faded. She became well and truly grounded here. Instead of answering, she shifted her legs off the bed. “I’m going to get dressed now.”
“You need to rest. Many tigresses remain in bed for days after ascending.”
She didn’t even dignify that with an answer. Instead, she pushed to her feet, pleased when she made it with only a tiny case of the dizzies.
He held her by the elbow to steady her, and she didn’t throw him off. She was too busy smelling the sweet warm scent of him. God, she liked his smell.
“Please, Tracy, answer the question. It’s important.”
She opened her eyes and grimaced at him. “My hymen is not intact. Happy?”
He shook his head. “A man, Tracy. Has a man ever penetrated you?”
She stared at him. It was ridiculous to feel embarrassed about this, but she was. Unfortunately, there was no compromise in his tone or expression. “I’ve been Joey’s mom since I was eighteen. It’s not so odd.”
His free hand touched her face, and she was startled to realize that he trembled. “You are the rarest of the rare. Your tigress is awake, Tracy, and you are still untouched by a man. No wonder you can travel to the immortal realm.”
“You’ve touched me.” She jerked her arm out of his grip.
“Yes, and I probably should not have. I probably weakened—”
It was abruptly too much for her. This place was too confusing, too hard, and she hated it. “Stop it! Just stop it!” she screeched. “I don’t get you, Nathan. You push me away, you bring me close. You touch me and I go amazing places, and then you say we shouldn’t have.” She pressed her hands to her head. “I don’t understand any of this!”
“Calm down,” he said, his voice low enough to be soothing. “The texts say that a return from heaven is unsettling to even the most experienced tigress. She wants to return to heaven, and yet she is stuck on Earth. It tends to create anger and fury.”
She dropped her hands and glared at him. “I am angry at you. It has nothing to do with…with…that other place.” Except maybe he was right. Everything there had made sense. Everything was love. Here was confusion and separation. “I am so alone,” she whispered.
He closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. His arms came around her, and she was once again enfolded in his warmth. She hated herself for closing her eyes, for leaning into his strength, but she needed it deep in her core.
“You should rest,” he murmured against her hair. She stiffened and shook her head.
“I don’t need to sleep.” She needed the world to make sense. She needed him to make sense, but that was too far a stretch. “I think I should go home.” At least there she could think. Maybe even remember.
Nathan sighed. “I will drive you. I will even remember to drive on the right side of the road.”
She nodded. She wasn’t in any condition to drive herself. With his help, she managed to dress with some semblance of her dignity. He was unfailingly kind, reverent even, and though his tender care of her was certainly nice, she wondered what had happened to her ardent lover.
“I don’t like it when you treat me with awe,” she said as they made it to her truck. “I’m just a person.”
He didn’t respond. Apparently he needed all his concentration to stay on the right side of the road. By the time he’d escorted her inside her house and up the stairs, she’d given up all hope for an answer. But then he stopped just inside her bedroom door.
“I tried, Tracy,” he said. “I truly wanted to believe.”
“Nathan—” she began, but he cut her off.
“We cannot see each other again. You are a tigress.”
“I’m not—”
“You went to the immortal realm. You want to go back. Soon you will give everything you have, everything you are to return there.” He shrugged. “I cannot compete with that.”
“Of course you can,” she answered. She took a step toward him, but he shied backward. “I don’t want to be a tigress. I want you.” She said the words, even believed them. But in her heart, she wondered if she was lying. Heaven had been…heavenly.
Nathan must have seen the doubt in her eyes because he shook his head, his eyes going flat. “You do not understand,” he said, his words sounding very final. “I do not want you.”
“That is such a lie,” she whispered. Except, looking into his eyes, she saw only honesty.
“I lust for you, Tracy, but that is different. I can’t live like this. I won’t.” He backed farther down the hallway. “I won’t see you again.” Then he was gone.
Chapter 14
SUNDAY MORNING DAWNED beautiful, but Tracy didn’t see much of it. Only enough to bury her head beneath her covers with a very large groan.
The last day and a half hadn’t gone well. She’d spent most of Saturday reliving every moment she’d spent with Nathan, from those first flirty conversations through to his last words to her. “I do not want you…I won’t see you again.” Hard to argue with that.
Her evening had been spent sobbing over a romantic movie that hadn’t made her feel one iota better. Worse, her dreams that night had been sexual replays that had turned her into a knot of frustration. By morning, she knew she couldn’t face the world, so she buried her head and tried—again—to make it all go away. The doorbell chime made that plan a little harder, but she tried nonetheless. Who visited at…she peered at the clock…10:21 a.m. on a Sunday?
Nathan, that was who, knocking with regular and very insistent thunks on her door. At least that was who she hoped it was. She clambered out of bed to peek out her window. Yes, it was him. The sunlight seemed to soak into his black hair, giving him a special dark gleam. She couldn’t suppress a tiny thrill of delight at the sight.
She went to grab her robe, but then changed her mind at the last moment. Let him see her in her jammies. He deserved to see her in a thin spaghetti-strap top and her flannel Men are Pigs pants.
By the time she made it downstairs, the knocking had stopped. Was he leaving? Then she heard the ring of her cell phone. He was calling her. She grinned, feeling as if for once she might have the upper hand with the man. She waited a couple moments more, then pulled open the door.
“Good morning, Nathan. Something I can help you with?” Wow, he looked good rumpled. His hair was wind tossed, falling across his forehead at a rakish angle. His jeans looked faded and threatened to slip down at the slightest provocation. But the very best part right then was the way he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Not a word.
Instead, his eyes widened at her clothing, and his gaze dropped down to the outline of her tightened breasts. Yes, the outside air was cold, and Tracy really liked the sight of one gorgeous man struck dumb by the result. But not enough to forgive him for being an ass.
She smiled. “You look like you slept in those clothes.”
He shook his head. “Didn’t sleep. Thinking.”
“Must have been some thoughts.”
His gaze traveled back to her face as he appeared to shake himself out of his daze. “Um, yes. May I come in?”
“Of course.” she stepped back, but not very far. Just enough to force him to pass within a hair’s breadth of her as he entered.
She saw his jaw clench at her ploy. It was an obvious one, but still effective. Like a man facing a tribunal, he squared his shoulders and marched right in. Except when he would have passed her, she leaned in, brushing her breasts across the full bulk of his bicep.
It was meant to be a tease, a playful game of revenge, but long before the fireflies did more than an initial flutter, Nathan spun around. He slammed the door shut with one hand while his body pinned her against the wall. She gasped in surprise, but all too soon other sensations pounded into her blood.