She increased her suction. His hips jerked. She could feel his tension, taste the build up of power just behind his organ. He was supposed to stop now. The books said he should stop to conserve his energy, but she would not let him go and he didn’t stop himself. She heard him groan, the pull on her clit interrupted as he gasped. His organ seemed to shudder and then he thrust powerfully inside her mouth. Again and again until the beautiful energy that was Nathan began to pour forth. It came in a gushing waterfall. It flew into her mouth, into her body. The white light that was him flowed into her. Nathan: purified and beautiful.
She drank and drank while below, she poured into him. An eternal circle, wondrous and ever flowing.
Divine?
For a moment, yes, she thought she would go to heaven. She felt the circle grow, rising higher and taking them both upward. Flight! But only for a moment.
Then it was gone. She and Nathan lay on the front hallway floor gasping, exhausted, while the echoes of pleasure rippled through her body. Fabulous, and yet not quite divine. Suppressing the disappointment, she smiled and focused on the shimmering aftereffects.
“Now this is the way to spend a Sunday morning,” she murmured. Then she closed her eyes. Tracy felt the rise and fall of his chest, and listened to the thundering beat of her own heart as it slowly steadied. She rolled away from him, only far enough to look into his dazed eyes. He kept a hand on her thigh; and she idly stroked his knee. In another five minutes, she roused herself to speak.
“You’re going to have to get over this virginity thing. If I want to have sex with you…” She pressed a kiss onto his thigh. “Real sex, then that’s my choice. There’s no reason for me to keep my virginity.”
He sighed, and she saw regret settle on his features. “I am not protecting you. I am—”
“Keeping yourself from being involved with me?” She pushed up to look pointedly at him. “How’s that going for you? If you recall, you broke up with me two days ago and yet here we are.”
He looked at her, and she could see him gather his thoughts. Then he pushed up, coming to sit on his knees before her. The motion was fluid and powerful. It was as if he had gone from exhaustion to controlled essence, all in one movement.
She shifted more slowly, pushing upright so that they faced eye to eye.
“The last woman I loved was a white woman like you.”
Tracy flinched as a surge of jealousy hit her hard. Her hands were tensed into claws. “I don’t really want to know this.”
Nathan ignored her, continuing as if she hadn’t spoken. “She is white and beautiful, but that is her only similarity to you. She was soft, giving, ultrafeminine whereas you…”
“Are you saying I’m too butch?”
He frowned. “I don’t know what that means. I think you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. Smart, determined, and with a great capacity to love. You have built a home for you and your brother. I admire that.”
She threw up her hands to cover the embarrassment she felt. She was proud of her accomplishments, but to hear him say it like that…Well, it thrilled her down to her toes. “So I’m awesome. Let’s forget this tigress stuff and keep going—”
“You’re killing me, Tracy.”
She blinked, unsure how to react to that. He appeared serious, but…“You mean that figuratively, right?”
He shrugged. “I was kicked out of the temple because I loved her to the exclusion of all else.”
She swallowed, not wanting to think about this other student, but unable to stop herself. “Did you do…” She gestured to the floor. “Did you do that with her, too?”
His shoulders tightened. “Yes. Whenever she allowed me.”
“Well, then,” she said, disappointment curling in her stomach. “So I’m not special.”
He shrugged, his hands lifted in a gesture of helplessness. “You are special. She was special. And I love you completely.”
Somehow the words didn’t quite thrill her as she’d once thought they would. “You loved them all, didn’t you? All your students.” She was beginning to understand why he held himself apart from her. “You’re trying not to repeat past mistakes. And, to you, I’m just like all of them.”
Chapter 15
NATHAN WATCHED THE COLOR drain from Tracy’s face. He knew he had just hurt her badly. Just as he knew that he was lying through his teeth. Tracy not special? That was like saying a tsunami was just another storm. Sure there were similarities, but what he had felt for all those other women, all those other tigresses, was nothing compared to what he felt for her now.
Which was why he had to lie to her. She was the same as them in one key respect: she was a tigress. Whether she understood it or not, she was one of the best. She could be a goddess among men. Perhaps he could convince her not to pursue a life at the temple. She was, after all, fully American, fully embedded in U.S. culture. She didn’t want to live in a foreign country away from everything she loved.
But she had gone to heaven; she had touched the divine. He had felt her disappointment a moment ago. He’d recognized the sigh that had come just after, the frustration that this orgasm hadn’t led to more. Though she had tried to hide it, he had watched for it. He knew she longed for heaven. Her body craved it, and that he would not be able to give it to her. He was not a dragon practitioner anymore. He had given up that life, but he could not deny it to her.
“Perhaps I should make some tea,” he said. “Then we can talk.”
“You and your tea,” she groused, but then relented. “Fine. I’ll go get dressed.”
“Or perhaps you would prefer a bath?” She did not really seem in the mood to hear what he had to say. “I could bring the tea to you there.”
“Or perhaps an omelet?” she asked drily. “And some pancakes while you’re at it. How ’bout a whole freaking ten-course meal?” She glared at him but he saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes. “You are the most confusing man I’ve ever met!” Then she grabbed her clothing and stomped up the stairs.
He watched her go, his eyes lingering on the curve of her bottom, the power in her legs, even the sway of her hips. Yes, bringing out her tigress had strengthened the natural sensuousness of her movements, but he had noticed her even before that evening in his apartment. He had seen the clarity in her eyes, and the simple honesty in her every movement. He never had to guess what she was thinking or what she wanted. Tracy was a woman who decided on her course and did not hesitate. Those traits would serve her well at the temple.
Nathan sighed and pulled on his pants. The power he had drawn from her energized his movements. He had given as much as he had received, and yet the combination somehow left him stronger, better, more balanced. That was how it should be between a man and a woman. As each poured power into the other, they should grow stronger—together.
That was what he thought, but the idea was anathema at the temple. Attachments between people only increased the ties to earthly life. And ties to earth did not help one attain the divine. So his mother said, and so all at the temple believed.
He crossed into the kitchen and began a search for the basics. Tracy joined him a few minutes later. He felt her watching him as he stood at the stove. He was so attuned to her energies that he would know where she was all over the world. Such was the power of this tigress over him.
“You know, for a man who wants to dump me, you’re doing everything wrong.”
He smiled as he scooped out the omelet and set it on a plate. “I served as cook to the temple for a short time. Then one day, my sister said my dumplings tasted like pig shit. She’s been cook ever since.”