Tracy looked at the simple food and smiled, her face lighting under the cover of another of her baseball caps. “I’ll try to remember that if you ever make me dumplings. As for this…It smells great.” She carried it to the table while he began making his own. But then the teakettle whistled. He started to reach for it, but she was there before him, pouring the hot water into mugs. He said nothing as she worked—there was no reason to—and yet his heart clenched nonetheless. She thought nothing of helping him, of pouring her own tea, of waiting to eat until he could join her. He knew of none at the temple who would do such a thing.
“Bon appétit,” she quipped when he finally joined her at the table. He smiled, but didn’t eat. Instead, he watched her face as she closed her eyes and chewed with appreciation. “Mmm. Definitely better than pig shit,” she said. Then she blushed. “Sorry. That was probably inappropriate.”
“It was wonderful,” he said, unable to express how her lack of artifice entranced him. Then he took a closer look at her scrubbed face, completely free of makeup. He saw her sexless sweatshirt and baggy pants. “It won’t work, you know.” She glanced up, startled as he gestured to her hideous clothing. “Dressing so badly. You are a tigress inside. Your sexuality will attract men even if you wear garbage bags. And you will feel the song of desire no matter how tightly you restrain your actions.”
She looked at him with a solemn expression. “Then it’s a good thing I dress to suit myself.” She waved at her clothing. “It’s comfortable.”
“Then it’s a good choice,” he answered.
He took a bite of his food, tasting nothing. What would he give up to cook breakfast for her every morning just like this? To hear what she really thought, to feel her appreciation in every bite? How glorious to simply live with her as a man lived with a woman—no games, no ulterior motives, just life without the eternal quest for something beyond?
“Nathan—”
He would give everything he had. But it wasn’t his future at stake. It was hers.
“Nathan, you’re staring.”
“Your brother plays American football, right?”
She blinked. “Um. Yeah, but Nathan—”
“Just answer my questions for a moment, please.” He glanced at the team photo on the refrigerator door. “Is he is good at it?”
She smiled. “Yes, he is.”
Not surprising. Joey had the build of a football player. “What if you knew he was the best of his age? Possibly—with training—to be the greatest NFL player of all time.”
She snorted. “Joey? He’s good, but not that good. With luck, he’ll get a scholarship to a division-two school. But—”
“Imagine he was that good, and you knew it, but he didn’t. Imagine that you saw a great pro career in front of him, that he could be revered for all time as the best player ever, but he didn’t want to do it.”
She snorted again and cut a big bite out of her omelet. “Not a chance. Joey loves football. If he were that good, he’d be picking his pro team and what multimillion-dollar car he wanted to buy.”
“But what if he didn’t understand?” Nathan pressed. “What if he didn’t know what being a great football player meant, and he didn’t even want to explore it? Maybe he was happy doing whatever he’d been doing before he started to play.”
“You mean like being a handyman? He used to love tooling around with Dad doing household repairs and stuff. Male bonding and all that, but boy, did he love it.”
Nathan smiled. “Exactly!”
She shrugged. “Where are you going with this?”
“Wouldn’t you encourage him to explore football? To see what the possibility was before he decided?”
“Of course, I would.” Her eyes softened as she gazed at the photo of her brother. “It’s not that I like watching my brother get flattened by a dozen other guys, but he should know his options before he decides on his future. That’s why I want him to go to college….” She frowned as she turned back to Nathan. “Where are you going with this?”
He bit his lip, forcing himself to explain though everything inside him urged to keep silent. He was happy teaching her about her energies. But that would be like keeping her in high school when she could be so much, much more.
“You have that capability, Tracy, as a tigress. You could be revered by millions, heaven at your feet. You can—”
“In a cult that no one’s ever heard of? Yippee.”
He abruptly leaned forward, gripping her hand. Didn’t she understand? “You have to go to the temple, Tracy,” he said. “You have to know what you’re giving up.”
She set down her fork, her expression tightening as she spoke. “Is that why you keep pressuring me to go to Hong Kong? To meet with this guy Stephen?” She shook her head. “No way.”
His hand tightened painfully then abruptly released. “I want nothing of the kind, Tracy. But that’s not my place, is it?”
She frowned. “Of course, it is. I mean, if you want to, you know, date me.”
His gaze snapped to hers. Didn’t she understand how hard this was for him? “So as your boyfriend, I can tell you what to do and where to go? I can keep you from your potential, all because I want you to myself?”
She caught his gaze and held it, her expression intense. “Is that what you want?”
He abruptly possessed her mouth. He took her as if he were staking a claim. He pushed himself into her; he arched her back and would have had her on the table in a moment, if he had his way. She had to understand that. So he kissed her without compromise, without give and take, only possession. And then he let her go.
“Is that what you want? I will own you if you like.” Then he looked at her. “But first tell me that you do not long for heaven. That you do not wish to return there again.”
“You took me there before—”
Nathan shook his head, forced to admit the truth. “Luck. A fluke. But to learn to go there on purpose, you must go to the temple. And Stephen. I can’t lead where I’ve never been.”
She stared at him, and he saw the yearning in her eyes. He didn’t want to see it, but her longing was undeniable and she knew it. “This is ridiculous!” she snapped. “I’m not NFL material.”
He towered over her. “Fine. Deny your potential. Deny what you have experienced and known from the very beginning. But at least admit the truth—you want to return to heaven.”
“Yes!” She snapped the word, but then abruptly deflated and her gaze canted away. “Of course, I want to go back there.”
He let her words hang in silence. He let her absorb the truth of her desire. And then he delivered the final blow and the real reason he had shown up here this morning. “I leave tomorrow for Hong Kong.”
Her eyes leaped back to him. “You’re leaving? Now?”
He stepped away from her. If he stood much longer beside her, he would give in and make love to her, but that would ruin everything for her. “You may come with me, if you want. You can visit the temple, talk with my mother, learn what is possible for you.” He had no doubt that she would choose to remain in Hong Kong. The tigress in her was too strong to be denied.
“You’re going to Hong Kong. Tomorrow. And you want me to go with you.” Her voice was flat with shock.
“The situation at home has grown very bad very quickly. My mother is spending recklessly. If she is not stopped now, there will be nothing left for anybody.”
She frowned. “But I thought you didn’t have anything.”
He shook his head. “We have only one thing—the temple. For a hundred years, it is all that we have ever owned.” He lifted his gaze to meet her. “I intend to sell it.”
“Sell the temple?” She gasped. “But…how? What?”
He shrugged, feeling the weight of his decision. “I can’t let my mother continue as she is. She will beggar us in a year. Then we will lose the land anyway.”