But then she broke away, her hands still holding his head. He could have stepped away. He could have fought her hold, but she looked him in the eyes. She did not glance coyly away; she did not try to seduce with a flutter of lashes or a sly wink. She opened her round eyes even rounder, and she asked one last time, “Why did you go so far away from your home?”
“I told you,” he answered honestly. “I fell in love.”
She nodded as if expecting that answer. “With the redhead?”
“With all of them. But yes, she was the latest.” He sat back on a sigh, his hands trailing across her body, stroking idly down her neck, across her shoulder, fondling her breast. Her skin was so white, her body so familiar in some ways, and yet so different in others. “Tigresses use sex. They learn from it, they experience it, they take and create energy from it.”
“But they don’t fall in love, do they?” she asked.
“No. They don’t.”
Tracy exhaled on a huff. “Sounds like a rather selfish religion to me. I mean, what’s the point of sex without love? At least affection. Something.”
“Immortality,” he answered. He lifted his gaze from where he stroked across her belly before teasing into the lower curls. “You have been to the Chamber of a Thousand Swinging Lanterns. You know better than I do what a tigress seeks.”
“So you loved her and she used you to gain heaven.” Her voice was tight with anger. “They all used you. Every single one of them beginning with your mother, using you without regard to what you felt or wanted.”
He nodded, unable to lie to her. “I can lose myself in love,” he said. “And I could not stop from loving them. The smallest piece of affection, the slightest kindness, and I was lost.”
“Oh, Nathan…” she murmured.
“So I left—as far away as possible—and I swore I would never come back. I would never, ever see them again.” His simple words could not possibly communicate his anger, his frustration and his pain. And yet, she understood.
“I’m so sorry,” she breathed. “And now you’re back here because of me. Because you think I belong here. With them.”
He shrugged. “I came to sell the temple. And I brought a great new tigress with me.” Then he took her hands and spoke as honestly as he could. “I cannot blame them for choosing heaven over me.”
“I can,” she said. “I blame them with every breath I take.”
He saw the honesty in her eyes. He saw her fierce anger because other women had discarded him. Because his mother often forgot him, no matter what he did for her. Because of all the tiny slights delivered by tigresses to their men of the moment. She saw them, and she burned with hot anger for him. And in that second, he knew why she brought him strength.
He loved her.
She was the well of goodness that he had searched for all his life. She gave openly and honestly, and for that he would adore her forever.
“Let me help you,” he whispered. “One last time, let me help you with your studies. Let me give you all my energy, all my strength, all that I have. Let—”
Tracy cut off his words with a kiss. She surged upward, invading his mouth with her own power and fierce beauty. “We’re doing this together, Nathan.” She threw off the blanket and immediately reached for his shirt, unbuttoning it with quick movements. He grabbed her hands in instinctive reaction, but all too quickly his grip softened into a caress.
“I do not need to be undressed for—”
“Pish posh. I say you do.” She smiled. “And I’m the tigress, aren’t I?”
He almost laughed. “You are like no tigress I know.”
“Good.”
“You are the best of them. Even untrained, you are better than all of them.” Then he kissed her. He stroked her lips. He tasted her sweetness. And when he pulled back, she blinked in dazed delight. He loved that even now his kisses could make her eyes go hazy. Then he looked down as she tugged at the fastening of his pants. “I am only a man, Tracy. Do not tempt me too far.”
“Yadda yadda. I want you naked.” She pushed down his boxers and gripped him. Her handling was inexpert, but her touch was like fire.
“Tracy!” he gasped. “You have to remain a virgin.” He managed a firm grip on her wrists, but he could not keep her fingers quiet. “Tracy—don’t!”
She stilled, and he exhaled a stuttering breath. She leaned in, and this time she was the one stroking across his lips, nipping at his mouth and thrusting herself inside him. “I’ve come to a decision of my own, Nathan. And guess what? You’re part of it.”
Chapter 19
EVEN AFTER THREE DAYS at the temple and even more with Nathan, Tracy had little understanding of what a tigress was or what she was supposed to do. At the moment, none of it mattered. She knew Nathan. She understood the forces that drove him, and she loved him all the better for it. They were alike in that—both giving all they could for their families while still trying to eke out a place for themselves. And they were alike in this, as well—this fierce passion that sparked whenever they touched.
“Tigresses do not go to heaven together,” he said as she pulled his shirt off. “The journey is always alone.”
“Doesn’t sound like much of a journey,” she answered.
He paused, the chiseled angles of his face smoothing as he touched her cheek. “You can never be successful at the temple with that attitude, Tracy.”
She thought about that, about the beauty of the women in this place, the exquisite sensuality of their every moment, and most of all that wonderful place he called heaven. She brought all those to mind and then threw them away.
“Then I guess I don’t want to be a tigress.” There. She’d said it aloud, and the decision felt right. “I want you.” She kissed him again. She put her heart in her touch, her soul in her caress, and she felt him shudder against her lips.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he protested weakly. “You don’t realize—”
“When are you going to accept that I can make up my own mind?”
She waited silently for his answer. He was absolutely still, his eyes piercingly direct despite the shadows. She could see the shock there and the gratitude. That cut at her the most. He was grateful that someone would choose him when he was the most amazing, giving man she had ever met.
His smile came slowly, but oh so sexily. “I believe I am done being noble.” His hands found her breasts in a feathery brush that was light, reverent, and set her entire chest tingling. Then he kissed her left breast and lightning zinged from his mouth into her, all the way through to her toes.
He suckled gently and she felt the pull of energy. The tingles in her chest concentrated tighter as he tongued her nipple. Then he raised up and blew a gentle whisper across her. The flash of cold made her back arch in sensation. “Open for me,” he whispered.
“Always. Forever.” They were the only words she could speak, and his eyes darkened with yearning.
The sight touched her so deeply that nothing else was needed. The energy floodgates opened, pouring into him like a brilliant river.
“No…” he cried, though his back arched and his thighs tensed. “This. Is. For you.”
“For us,” she gasped. Then she tightened her thighs around him. She could do no more than rub her legs against his pants, whimpering at the cloth. “Take them off,” she ordered.
“Harness your energy,” he said. “Ride the chi to heaven.”
Tracy almost growled at him. He didn’t understand! None of that stuff made sense to her. Nathan made sense. Nathan drew her. So she focused on him, directing her energy at him. And as she thought of him, her heart swelled with love. She had no clue exactly when she had fallen for him, but the love was there now, pulsing with joy. And so she gave him that, too, and her love multiplied the energy river a hundredfold. “Nathan,” she whispered, trying to find the words to voice her discovery.